You Can Negotiate Anything

How can you get more of what you want without feeling pushy or powerless? In You Can Negotiate Anything, Herb Cohen argues that negotiation is not a trick reserved for diplomats and business moguls—it’s a fundamental life skill that everyone uses daily, whether bargaining for a raise, resolving family conflicts, or managing relationships. Cohen contends that success in any interaction depends on recognizing that life itself is a series of negotiations, shaped by three invisible variables: information, time, and power.

Negotiation, in Cohen’s definition, is the use of information and power to affect behavior within a web of tension. This means you’re not just “getting a good deal”—you’re learning to influence others ethically and intelligently. True power, he insists, is perception: if you believe you have it, you do. Equally, information and timing determine leverage—those who prepare and wait often succeed over those who rush or react. The point is not manipulation, but mastery; to see reality clearly and affect it deliberately.

Negotiation Is a Way of Life

Cohen opens by urging readers to realize they are already negotiators. Families, companies, governments, and even children constantly “use information and power to affect behavior.” He illustrates this humorously with his nine-year-old son, who used tantrums, timing, and parental guilt to manipulate family dinner plans. Negotiation, he assures, is not about aggression—it’s about creative problem solving and mutual satisfaction.

Crucially, Cohen invites readers to abandon the myth that virtue and hard work alone bring rewards. The winners of life, he claims, are not necessarily the most talented but the most negotiation-savvy—those who can frame their needs while meeting those of others. By seeing interactions as structured negotiations, readers can cultivate influence, satisfaction, and confidence.

Everything Is Negotiable

Extending this worldview, Cohen dismantles the myth of fixed rules. Almost nothing, he writes, is “written by the Big Printer in the Sky.” From hotel check-out times to store pricing, most systems were negotiated before you arrived—and therefore remain negotiable. He uses absurdly comic examples—an appliance buyer cowed by a “Sears” sign or guests who obediently leave Holiday Inns by 1 p.m.—to show that authority often works through perceived legitimacy, not real law.

The lesson: challenge assumptions. By testing what seems immovable, you often discover flexibility hiding in precedent. Signs, rules, even bureaucratic policies were made by people; hence, they can be changed by people. But negotiation should always serve your comfort and authenticity. Cohen cautions that you negotiate only when it aligns with your needs and energy—otherwise, walk away.

The Path to Mastery

Over the course of the book, Cohen builds negotiation into a holistic practice: a blend of psychology, communication, and pragmatism. He divides his lessons into parts: learning how to manage the three hidden variables—power, time, and information—before mastering specific tactics and styles. He then introduces the ethical and interpersonal dimensions of negotiation: recognizing human needs, emotions, and relationships. Instead of focusing only on “winning,” Cohen promotes what he calls collaborative Win-Win negotiation—the art of meeting both sides’ deeper needs.

The practical side is lively and daring. Cohen shows you how to calmly challenge authority, how to wait out deadlines until power shifts, and how even apparent weakness can become strength. Through stories—whether facing the IRS, wrangling with a car salesman, or surviving international deals—he makes negotiation feel human, humorous, and empowering. (Note: Cohen’s conversational storytelling prefigures later behavioral negotiation works like Getting to Yes by Fisher and Ury, though his tone is more playful and personal.)

Why This Matters

Cohen’s thirty years of experience—from business mergers to hostage negotiations—lead to one radical conclusion: negotiation skill determines the quality of your life. If you can influence others, you can shape outcomes instead of being shaped by them. The use of negotiation is not confined to boardrooms—it’s in marriages, friendships, communities, and every moment requiring cooperation. In essence, it’s emotional intelligence in real-world action.

By learning to think, listen, and respond like a negotiator, you rediscover agency. Cohen’s philosophy blends self-belief (“You have more power than you think”) with ethical realism (“Power is transport, not goal”). Negotiating, then, becomes an act of wisdom—a way to live deliberately amid life’s tensions. As he puts it, “You can get what you want if you believe you have power and view your life’s encounters as negotiations.”

Cohen identifies three universal ingredients in every negotiation—power, time, and information. These forces interact invisibly, determining outcomes and perceptions. By seeing their patterns clearly, you learn to manage any encounter more intelligently. Unlike theory-heavy textbooks, Cohen offers practical ways to analyze and shift these variables in real life.

Power: Perception Is Reality

Power, according to Cohen, isn’t about dominance but perception. If you think you have power, you do—and if you don’t, you lose it, even when you objectively possess it. He illustrates this with vivid stories, including a prisoner who persuades his guard to hand him a cigarette simply by presenting an imaginative threat. Power, then, is the ability to get things done by influencing how others perceive your capacity for reward or punishment.

Cohen details many sources of perceived power, including legitimacy (rules and paperwork), competition, expertise, commitment, persistence, and attitude. Like electricity, power is neutral—it can be used ethically or abused. The strongest negotiators use power to solve problems, not create enemies.

Time: Patience Pays

Time, Cohen says, “is the great equalizer.” Since most concessions occur near deadlines, those who wait and stay calm almost always gain advantage. He recounts being outmaneuvered by Japanese negotiators who knew his flight schedule—his impatience gave them leverage. In contrast, those who relax deadlines and display serenity shift pressure onto others. Deadlines are rarely real; they’re negotiable constructs that reward patience.

Information: The Currency of Control

Information completes the triad. It gives clarity and foresight—much of negotiation is lost because people act before learning. Cohen urges you to gather data early, outside formal meetings, when people reveal more. “You always get more information before the red light glows on the camera,” he notes. When you listen more than talk, ask questions, and decode behavior, you can predict the other side’s needs and constraints.

Together, power, time, and information form a dynamic triangle. If you can analyze where each side stands on these variables, you can adapt tactics intelligently. Cohen concludes, “To influence any outcome, you must realistically analyze both your own position and the other side’s in light of power, time, and information.”

Cohen expands on power’s multiple forms, showing that you have more influence than you think. These sources don’t require authority or money—they derive from psychology, perception, and preparation. Understanding them transforms negotiation from a contest into an art of quiet persuasion.

1. The Power of Competition

Competition multiplies value. When several people or organizations want what you have—money, ideas, or skills—it instantly makes you powerful. Cohen cites Bert Lance, President Carter’s budget director, who secured millions in loans by acting as if banks were competing for his business. Whether job-hunting or selling ideas, create competition and options. The more choices you have, the less desperation you display, and the stronger you appear.

2. The Power of Legitimacy

People obey printed signs and official documents without question—a phenomenon Cohen calls “the power of legitimacy.” The trick is to respect it when useful (as authority backing your position) and challenge it when it limits you. He recounts confronting an IRS agent who cited a rulebook without context; Cohen simply asked, “Does that book have my name in it?” The auditor was speechless. Anything created through prior negotiation can always be renegotiated.

3. The Power of Risk Taking

Calculated risks show courage and freedom. Refusing to cling too tightly—“Care, but never that much”—lets you act fearlessly. Those who care too much pay top dollar, as Cohen’s “dream house” buyer discovered. Learning to tolerate uncertainty gives you a strategic edge because others will always be more fearful than you.

4. The Power of Commitment

Commitment unites people behind you. “People support what they help create,” he writes. Gaining collective investment spreads risk, reduces pressure, and increases perseverance. Whether leading a team or a community, get others involved so they carry the same burden—and become your advocates rather than spectators.

By blending these and other sources—expertise, needs, persistence, identification, morality, and precedent—you discover that genuine power resides not in force, but influence. “Believe you have power and others will believe it too,” Cohen insists. Like Socrates or Jesus, the greatest negotiators operated from ethical power, mastering perception rather than position.

Cohen contrasts two styles of negotiation: competitive Win-Lose and collaborative Win-Win. The first seeks victory at others’ expense; the second aims for mutual satisfaction. Understanding both lets you respond wisely—defending yourself against manipulation while cultivating cooperation when possible.

The Soviet Style

He humorously labels the aggressive approach “Soviet style,” describing its six key tactics: extreme initial positions, limited authority, emotional theatrics, stingy concessions, exploitation of deadlines, and equating compromises with weakness. Through anecdotes—from Soviet land deals to Khrushchev’s shoe-banging—he shows how these maneuvers intimidate less assertive negotiators.

If you spot these tactics, don’t panic—recognition neutralizes them. “A tactic perceived is no tactic,” Cohen reminds. Awareness turns manipulation into transparency.

Collaborative Win-Win

In contrast, collaborative negotiation transforms adversaries into problem solvers. Success means finding creative solutions that satisfy both sides. Cohen uses playful metaphors—a mother splitting pie fairly, or actor Jane Russell and Howard Hughes reshaping a contract—as models of mutual gain. When conflict stems from differing needs or experiences, sharing information can reconcile perspectives and produce synergy.

(This principle parallels the Harvard method from Getting to Yes: focus on interests, not positions.) Collaboration requires empathy, trust, and patience, but it yields durable relationships and shared victories.

Cohen’s final secret weapon is attitude. How you see situations—whether calmly or fearfully—determines results. He insists you develop a playful detachment toward negotiations: treat them as a game. When you care but “don’t care that much,” stress subsides, creativity increases, and confidence radiates outward.

Perspective Is Strength

Whether dealing with a boss, spouse, or government agency, remind yourself: “If everything goes wrong, will my life end?” Usually, the honest answer is no. That realization restores perspective. When negotiators feel pressured, they lose leverage. When they remain calm, deadlines reverse and power shifts. A relaxed demeanor conveys mastery more effectively than argument.

Humor and Humanity

Throughout the book, Cohen’s humor keeps lessons memorable. He tells stories about mishaps with cars, clerks, and family dinners—not to trivialize them, but to prove that negotiation wisdom begins in everyday life. The secret, he concludes, is to stay human: show curiosity, empathy, and confidence without arrogance.

Cohen’s Core Insight

“You can get what you want if you believe you have power and view your life’s encounters as negotiations.”

Negotiation isn’t coercion—it’s cooperation with awareness. When you see every conversation as a game of influence, not war, you stop fearing others’ power and begin using your own wisely.

In the closing chapters, Cohen teaches one last technique: personalizing power. Humanizing yourself turns bureaucracies, hierarchies, and cold systems into cooperative relationships. When others see you not as a statistic but as a person, they become invested in your success.

Put a Face on Your Needs

People ignore institutions (“Dear Sir or Madam”) but relate to humans. If you speak for yourself—“I’m counting on you personally”—you transform abstract authority into relational empathy. Cohen advises appealing to conscience: make others identify with you, not your organization. He recalls cases from building managers to police officers, showing how warmth, humor, or vulnerability unlocked cooperation.

Make Others Care

He illustrates with witty examples, such as negotiating with a traffic cop by focusing on human connection rather than legal argument, or confronting a landlord by visiting him at home on a Sunday. When people see your story, they act differently. Bureaucracy fears connection—it thrives on anonymity. By personalizing, you cut through it.

This, Cohen says, was the secret of charismatic leaders like Chicago’s Mayor Richard J. Daley: he didn’t negotiate as “the city,” but as “Daley.” People felt loyalty to him, not an institution. That personal tie fueled cooperation, lasting beyond his lifetime.

Ultimately, you negotiate not with systems but with people inside them. And when you win over people, you change systems. “Life is negotiation,” Cohen concludes—but only if you make each interaction personal, human, and grounded in trust.