WOLFPACK

What would your life look like if you stopped following everyone else’s rules and began writing your own? In Wolfpack, soccer legend and activist Abby Wambach argues that women have been constrained by outdated narratives—stories that teach compliance, scarcity, and silence. She contends that to rewrite the world’s game, women must rediscover and unleash their inner wolves: instinctual, collaborative, and unafraid to demand more.

Based on her viral 2018 Barnard College commencement speech, Wambach’s book expands those fifteen minutes into a manifesto for a new generation of leaders—especially women who’ve been told to stay quiet, small, and grateful. Drawing on her life as a world champion, she reframes what power, success, and leadership look like when they’re rooted in connection rather than competition.

The Call to the Wolves

Wambach begins by challenging the tale of Little Red Riding Hood—a story used for generations to warn girls to stay on the path. For her, women have been trained to keep their heads down, obey, and avoid danger. But those who step off the path, the so-called “rule breakers,” are the ones who change the world. Her core argument is strikingly simple: women are not Little Red Riding Hood; they are the Wolf.

Through the metaphor of wolves, Wambach reframes women’s power as both individual and collective. Just as wolves in Yellowstone transformed an entire ecosystem by their presence, women have the potential to restore balance, create innovation, and remake the systems that have excluded them. The idea isn’t just empowerment—it’s system transformation.

Eight New Rules for the Pack

Each chapter of Wolfpack introduces a “New Rule” that replaces the “Old Rule” that’s kept women confined. The eight principles are both practical and poetic: create your own path, be grateful and ambitious, lead from the bench, make failure your fuel, be for each other, demand the ball, bring it all, and find your pack. These aren't motivational slogans—they’re behavioral shifts meant to rewrite the habits of self-limitation.

For instance, where the old rule says, “Be grateful for what you have,” the new rule says, “Be grateful for what you have and demand what you deserve.” Where leadership once meant dominance and hierarchy, Wambach asserts it now means nurturing and cultivating leadership in others. The New Rules aren’t about replacing men, but transcending outdated models of power altogether.

Why This Matters: The Collective Shift

Wambach’s philosophy resonates beyond the soccer field. Drawing parallels to the women’s movement, corporate culture, and family life, she shows how these same patterns hold women back everywhere—from workplaces where they’re pitted against each other to relationships where they shrink to fit expectations. She paints a vision of sisterhood built not on scarcity, but abundance. In this Wolfpack model, every woman’s victory is a win for the entire group.

Core Viewpoint

Power isn’t a pie. If one woman gets a bigger slice, it doesn’t mean less for others. The pack thrives when every wolf is strong.

Beyond Soccer: Identity and Continuity

Many of Wambach’s insights are drawn from her own post-retirement identity crisis. When she hung up her cleats as one of the world’s most decorated athletes, she faced the existential question: “Who am I without soccer?” Her wife, writer Glennon Doyle, reminded her that she didn’t lose her magic when she stopped playing—she carried it within her. This powerful reorientation suggests that what we do will never define us for long; who we are always will.

Rediscovering the Pack

Ultimately, Wolfpack is not a self-help book about individual success—it’s a social blueprint for collective evolution. Wambach knows firsthand how being part of a team shapes courage, humility, and belonging. Her rallying cry—We. Are. The. Wolves.—is a declaration that women are not each other’s competitors but each other’s catalysts. In the end, she urges you to find your pack, celebrate one another’s victories, and use your voice to demand the ball.

In a world still dominated by old scripts and outdated rules, Wolfpack offers a map back to power that starts not from authority, but authenticity. Its goal is liberation: for women to reclaim their instincts, redefine leadership, and unleash a collective force capable of changing the game—forever.

From childhood, women are told to behave like Little Red Riding Hood—stay on the path, keep your head down, be polite. Abby Wambach argues this conditioning teaches us to mistrust ourselves and fear our instincts. But she insists that deep inside, every woman already carries the strength, curiosity, and courage of the Wolf.

Breaking Free from the Fairy Tale

Wambach uses the Red Riding Hood story as a symbol of control: a world that warns women that curiosity will lead to danger. Yet, she points out, every major breakthrough in her life came from stepping off the path—challenging expectations, questioning authority, and refusing to shrink herself. Whether it was playing a sport designed for men, loving whom she loved, or daring to dream of a professional soccer career, her success always came when she disobeyed “the rules.”

Authenticity Over Approval

As a child, Abby hated wearing dresses, not because she wanted attention but because she despised feeling inauthentic. Later, attending an all-girls school, she discovered her peers acted more confidently without boys around—they laughed loudly, ate freely, and dressed for comfort. This experience revealed that conformity often silences individuality. Her call to you is clear: stop wearing costumes to please others. Be unapologetically yourself, even if that means you make others uncomfortable.

Choosing Yourself

One of Wambach’s most moving admissions is her struggle with her sexuality. Raised in a conservative environment, she initially hid her love for women, fearing rejection. But secrecy, she realized, suffocated her inner wolf. Choosing self-love, even when it was terrifying, was her act of rebellion. It allowed her to live with integrity and fully step into her own power.

Call to the Wolfpack: Wear what you want. Love who you love. Create what you need. You were never Little Red Riding Hood. You were always the Wolf.

The first rule of Wolfpack declares that the best version of yourself is already inside you. You don’t need to follow someone else’s map—you need to trust your own instincts. Like Clarissa Pinkola Estés in Women Who Run With the Wolves, Wambach calls you to reclaim the instincts and courage you were born with. That’s where the path really begins.

Abby Wambach’s experience receiving ESPN’s Icon Award alongside Kobe Bryant and Peyton Manning exposed a painful truth: even though their achievements were equal, their futures were not. The two men retired into wealth and freedom, while she faced financial uncertainty. That night, she recognized the invisible tax of gender inequity—and the way gratitude had been used to silence women’s demands for fairness.

The Gratitude Trap

Wambach realized that her entire career was built on gratitude. She was grateful for a paycheck, for respect, for the chance to play. But this gratitude conditioned her into compliance; it kept her quiet in the face of inequality. The cultural rule that tells women to be grateful, she writes, is how power keeps them small. Gratitude isn’t bad—but when it replaces righteous anger, it becomes a form of control.

Demand More, Together

Citing the gender pay gap and the U.S. Women’s National Team’s fight for equal pay, Wambach exposes the global system that rewards men 19 times more for the same results. Her message is not about resentment but responsibility. When women accept less under the guise of being thankful, they reinforce the inequity for everyone behind them. Instead, gratitude must co-exist with ambition: you can appreciate your blessings and still demand justice.

Call to the Wolfpack: Be grateful—but also brave, loud, and persistent. Gratitude and ambition are allies, not opposites.

Wambach’s insight mirrors Shonda Rhimes’ Year of Yes (2015), which showed that saying yes to yourself means rejecting the polite silence society expects of women. You can be thankful—and unapologetically ambitious. True equality depends on women no longer settling for scraps of appreciation when they deserve full feasts of opportunity.

What happens when your spotlight fades but your purpose remains? Wambach learned the true essence of leadership not as a star on the field but as a reserve player on the bench during her final World Cup. Stripped of her starting role, she discovered that leadership isn’t about titles or visibility—it’s about what you contribute wherever you stand.

Redefining Leadership

As co-captain, Wambach once led by scoring goals and rallying crowds. But in 2015, age and injuries shifted her to a supporting role. Instead of sulking, she chose service—cheering louder, handing out water bottles, and guiding teammates. The lesson: leadership is not positional; it’s relational. As she puts it, “If you’re not a leader on the bench, don’t call yourself a leader on the field.”

The Everyday Bench

This idea applies far beyond sports. Many of us feel “benched” when sidelined by illness, motherhood, job loss, or rejection. But Wambach reframes the bench as a space to embody influence differently—through empathy, encouragement, and presence. True leaders lead in every context—on the field, in the office, or at the kitchen table.

Call to the Wolfpack: Leadership is not a privilege of a few—it’s a right and responsibility of all.

This principle echoes Simon Sinek’s idea in Leaders Eat Last: leadership isn’t authority; it’s accountability. Wambach’s transformation models a new kind of strength—one that measures influence by generosity, not spotlight.

We’re taught to avoid failure as if it signals inadequacy. But Wambach reframes it as sacred ground—the place where growth begins. Drawing from her own humiliating failure as an ESPN commentator, she shows that failure isn’t proof you don’t belong; it’s proof you’re in the game.

From Shame to Strategy

When Wambach froze on live television and faced a global social media backlash, she was mortified. But she refused to let that experience define her. Instead, she turned it into information—she discovered commentary wasn’t her calling, but teaching leadership was. That failure redirected her life’s purpose.

Honoring the Loss

She recalls a key lesson from the U.S. National Team: a photo of their rivals celebrating a loss hung in their locker room—not as humiliation but motivation. The team understood that remembering failure is what fuels progress. In contrast, women are often punished twice for failing: once by circumstance, and again by shame. It’s time to normalize imperfection as part of leadership.

Perfection isn’t required to lead—persistence is. The woman who refuses to quit can never lose.

Like Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly, this rule argues that failing with courage is the cost of innovation. Each stumble proves you’re still growing—and still playing.

The fifth rule speaks directly to how women can reclaim collective power: by celebrating each other instead of competing. Wambach contrasts the myth of scarcity—where one woman’s success threatens another’s—with the unity of a team where every goal is shared victory.

Rushing and Pointing

In soccer, when a goal is scored, the entire bench rushes toward the scorer—and the scorer points to every person who made it possible. That, Wambach says, is the real symbol of teamwork. Off the field, “rushing” means publicly supporting other women’s wins, and “pointing” means giving credit to those who helped you succeed. These simple acts transform envy into empowerment.

Abundance Over Scarcity

For too long, women believed there was only one seat at the table. That illusion of scarcity fractured solidarity. The Wolfpack model rejects this entirely. Power, love, and success are infinite—each woman who rises expands possibilities for the rest. Championing others creates exponential impact.

Call to the Wolfpack: Her victory is your victory. Your victory is her victory.

This mindset reflects Michelle Obama’s observation in Becoming: that women multiply power by sharing it. When we rush and point, we prove collective success is not a dream—it’s strategy.

In one of the book’s most memorable stories, Abby recalls watching her idol, Michelle Akers, shout to her goalie during a scrimmage: “GIVE ME THE EFFING BALL.” Akers then led her team to victory single-handedly. That moment transformed how Abby—and later, countless readers—understood confidence. To change your life, you must believe in yourself enough to demand the ball.

Owning Your Power

For years, Wambach dimmed her light to avoid intimidating others. But watching Akers play without apology freed her to use her full potential. Self-belief isn't arrogance; it’s service. When you show up at 100%, you invite others to do the same. Courage, like fear, is contagious.

Demanding Off the Field

Wambach applied this lesson in her personal life when she became a stepmother. Feeling unprepared, she nearly let fear hold her back. But she remembered: no one is ever fully ready. Leadership requires stepping forward anyway. That’s what demanding the ball means in any sphere—raising your hand for opportunities before you feel qualified.

Call to the Wolfpack: GIVE ME THE JOB. GIVE ME THE MICROPHONE. GIVE ME THE SAME PAY. GIVE ME THE RESPECT—AND GIVE IT TO MY PACK, TOO.

Like Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In, Wambach’s message is to take the seat—only louder and prouder. But unlike Sandberg, she insists this isn’t just personal ambition; it’s collective transformation. When one woman demands the ball, she opens the field for all.

When Wambach’s team gained a new coach, Pia Sundhage, they expected a leader who would command from above. Instead, Pia pulled out a guitar and sang Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are A-Changin’.” That vulnerable act redefined leadership for the entire team—and for Abby herself. True leaders, Pia taught, bring their full humanity to their work.

Vulnerability Builds Trust

Initially, the players thought Pia’s approach signaled weakness. But over time, they realized her authenticity created connection. Real leadership doesn’t copy a stereotype of strength—it lives with emotional honesty. Pia’s guitar broke hierarchy; suddenly, every player’s voice mattered.

From Followers to Leaders

Under Pia’s example, the women moved from a top-down model to a network of mutual leadership. Starters learned from bench players, veterans from rookies. Abby’s role evolved from command to collaboration. When every team member leads, the entire pack grows stronger.

The new world doesn’t need perfect leaders—it needs whole human ones.

This lesson aligns with Brené Brown’s concept of “wholehearted leadership.” Wambach argues that the deepest form of power is authenticity. When you bring your full self—including your fears, quirks, and heart—you invite others to lead with theirs.

The final rule is the spine of the entire philosophy: life isn’t meant for lone wolves. After retiring, Wambach realized she missed her teammates not just for their talent, but for their presence—the way they shared struggle and joy. Without her pack, even simple running became unbearable. Her conclusion: the strength of the Wolf is the Pack, and the strength of the Pack is the Wolf.

The Power of Connection

We live in a culture obsessed with independence. But Wambach reminds us that no one achieves greatness alone. The myth of the “self-made” person hides the truth that every success is built on collective effort. Your pack is made up of those who hold you accountable to your greatness—friends, mentors, colleagues, family. Without them, even the strongest wolf wanders aimlessly.

Building Your Own Pack

After her Barnard speech went viral, countless women wrote to her saying they wanted their own Wolfpack. Wambach urges you to start small: gather those you respect and trust. Support them when they stumble. Ask for help when you need it. Revolution begins not with mass movements, but with courageous circles of women showing up for one another.

Call to the Wolfpack: Life is not meant to be lived as a Lone Wolf. You’ve got your Pack.

Echoing the teachings of Margaret Wheatley (Turning to One Another), Wambach insists that community is the foundation of sustainable transformation. When wolves unite, even rivers change course. That’s the Wolfpack way.