We''re Pregnant!

What does it really mean to become a father—not just biologically, but emotionally and practically? In We're Pregnant!: The First-Time Dad’s Pregnancy Handbook, Adrian Kulp argues that fatherhood begins long before you hold your baby. He contends that dads should step into the pregnancy experience from day one, rather than waiting passively for the birth to activate their role. Kulp’s central message is both simple and profound: “What matters to your partner should matter to you.”

Through humor, honest reflection, and weekly milestones, Kulp guides fathers through the entire journey—from conception and the bizarre wonders of trimester one to diaper duty and midnight feedings in the so-called fourth trimester. While many pregnancy books focus on mothers, this one flips the lens, helping men understand the physiological, emotional, and logistical chaos of pregnancy while equipping them with practical actions to truly support their partner and prepare for baby’s arrival.

Fatherhood as Partnership, Not Spectatorship

Kulp opens with his own story of learning the hard way. When his wife first took a pregnancy test while he was nursing a hangover, he wasn’t there to share the moment. That experience became a turning point. He realized that being a father was about showing up—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. The book challenges the cultural notion that pregnancy is “her thing” until birth. Instead, Kulp turns it into a shared adventure, one where dads need to read, ask, listen, and take initiative.

Kulp writes candidly about his early mistakes—such as maintaining selfish habits in his first months of marriage—and the transformation that came when he decided to put family first. He gently dismantles traditional male scripts of aloofness (“the dude act”) and replaces them with proactive empathy and cooperation. His tone is conversational yet instructive, inviting readers to think: how often do you make your partner’s priorities your own?

The Handy Framework: Weekly Goals and Support Types

At the heart of the book is a system of weekly milestones and family goals tailored for dads. Each week outlines what’s happening with Mom and baby—“from poppy seed to watermelon”—and what the father can do to help. From week one (when there’s technically no baby yet) to week forty (when the baby’s ready to meet the world), Kulp includes bite-sized reminders, practical actions, and medical benchmarks that transform cluelessness into confidence.

These goals are organized into what he calls “types of support,” practical categories that redefine how fathers can contribute:

• DAD RD: Focus on nutrition—learn how folic acid, iron, and balanced meals affect your partner’s health and your baby’s development.
• DADDY DOULA: Offer emotional support before, during, and after labor.
• HOME CEO: Manage household chores proactively so Mom can rest.
• PREGNANCY EMPATHY 101: Practice understanding for what your partner feels—fatigue, discomfort, and hormonal mood swings.
• POSTPARTUM EMPATHY 101: Continue empathy into recovery, recognizing physical pain and emotional volatility.
• DADDY DAYCARE: Take charge of diaper changes, baths, and nighttime feedings.
• BROWNIE POINTS: Small gestures that say “I appreciate you”—from running errands to surprise date nights.

It’s a clever taxonomy designed to make the dad’s role tangible. Instead of vague advice like “be supportive,” Kulp defines what that actually looks like through daily actions. (In comparison, Armin Brott’s The Expectant Father focuses more on psychology and identity, while Kulp zeroes in on practice and empathy.)

Why It Matters: Breaking Gender Assumptions

Heather B. Armstrong’s foreword underscores the deeper purpose of Kulp’s guide: rebalancing the emotional and physical labor of parenting. Historically, she writes, even the most career-driven women are still burdened with the majority of childcare. Kulp, by contrast, calls men to enter those trenches from the very first trimester. The result isn’t just a happier partner—it’s a more resilient family.

By treating pregnancy as an apprenticeship in empathy and responsibility, Kulp positions fatherhood as transformation. His tone is compassionate yet accountability-driven. Men, he insists, should mature into their roles—not stumble through them reacting at “game time.” This mindset prepares dads for the inevitable juggle of postpartum life, when sleep deprivation mixes with hormonal recovery and parenting demands. In short, the nine months aren’t just waiting—they are training.

Fatherhood as Brotherhood

Kulp wraps his message in a sense of communal identity. “Fatherhood is the new brotherhood,” he writes. Dads aren’t isolated learners; they can draw inspiration and connection from others who’ve gone through it. His background in fatherhood communities, blogs, and A&E’s Modern Dads grounds this idea in real-world examples. He offers reassurance that feeling clueless isn’t failure—it’s part of the process.

“Whether you’re terrified or thrilled, this book is your crash course in becoming your partner’s best teammate—and your baby’s first hero.”

Ultimately, We’re Pregnant! is about transformation through engagement: about trading anxiety for knowledge, fear for empathy, and self-focus for partnership. Kulp doesn’t sugarcoat the hard parts—the exhaustion, the tears, the awkwardness—but insists that fatherhood begins in awareness, action, and love. For today’s first-time dad, that’s more than advice—it’s a call to grow up beautifully.

Kulp presents pregnancy as a crucible for emotional growth—a period that reshapes the man’s sense of self. His own story offers the scaffolding for understanding this transformation. Initially, he admits, he was selfish and lazy, treating early marriage like bachelorhood. When his wife’s positive test appeared beside his nightstand, surrounded by empty beer bottles, he felt failure before fatherhood began. From that wake-up moment stems his appeal: men grow up by confronting discomfort and choosing commitment.

From Selfishness to Selflessness

The first few months of pregnancy test a man’s capacity to share space, time, and empathy. Kulp explains that your partner starts becoming a mother as soon as she reads that test. Her instincts, anxieties, and planning kick in immediately. Dads, however, often don’t feel the same visceral connection until they physically hold the child. The gap between those emotional timelines creates potential tension—unless you bridge it actively.

Kulp urges dads to verbalize curiosity, ask questions, and be present at doctor visits. These simple acts seed emotional intimacy. You begin to share her world—learning terms like “implantation bleeding,” “Braxton Hicks,” and “neural tube.” It may feel foreign, but it replaces fear with understanding. His advice echoes modern psychology research (for instance, John Bowlby’s work on attachment): early emotional involvement lays the groundwork for secure paternal bonds later.

Facing Fear and the Unknown

Kulp compares the first months to entering the great unknown. The fear—of incompetence, of dropping the baby, of screwing up—is universal. He normalizes it but warns against paralysis. “Lose the dude act,” he writes. Fear is natural, but avoidance is optional. He teaches reframing: replace “I’m scared of this” with “I’m learning this.” By reading, observing, and helping with your partner’s physical changes, you shift identity from outsider to ally.

For example, he describes attending every prenatal appointment after missing the first one. Watching the ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat—those sensory experiences rewire the father’s emotional brain. They make the abstract tangible. (In contrast, Armin Brott stresses that these first sights anchor male empathy; Kulp’s storytelling makes that connection visceral.)

Communication as an Emotional Lifeline

In every chapter, communication surfaces as emotional glue. Kulp warns against vague offers like “Tell me what you need.” That’s outsourcing empathy. Instead, he advises practicing observation and anticipation—asking specific questions, watching body language, and remembering recurring pains or worries. One example: instead of waiting for complaints about fatigue, you preheat dinner or fold laundry. These micro-actions build trust and connection far more than big declarations.

His perspective aligns with relationship researcher John Gottman’s ideas: daily rituals of attentiveness are what sustain long-term emotional security. In pregnancy, those rituals might mean rubbing feet after long days, attending yoga classes together, or creating small bonding rituals like Sunday ultrasound recaps.

“The transition from self-absorption to empathy isn’t automatic. It’s a choice men make daily—and that choice defines the kind of father they’ll become.”

By the end of the first trimester, emotional maturity becomes visible: love shifts from excitement to responsibility. The dad learns to channel fear into fascination, guilt into participation, and stress into teamwork. In doing so, Kulp reframes pregnancy not as waiting but as growing—a curriculum for becoming emotionally reliable.

One of Kulp’s most practical insights is the importance of empathy—not as a vague virtue but as a daily discipline. He jokingly labels it “Pregnancy Empathy 101,” a required course for every expectant dad. Since men cannot physically experience pregnancy, Kulp teaches them how to understand it through observation, conversation, and imitation.

Seeing Through Her Eyes

Pregnancy evokes dozens of physical changes: nausea, fatigue, bloating, food aversions, back pain, swelling. For many women, it’s relentless. Kulp urges dads to recognize that these symptoms aren’t complaints—they’re communication cues. Rather than asking “Are you okay?” out of obligation, you ask with curiosity and patience. Empathy begins with noticing. In week-by-week sections, he lists clear markers like how the uterus expands or how a “super smell” develops. Learning these facts isn’t trivia—it’s preparation for care.

He proposes small practical steps: stock the fridge with gentle foods, handle odors by cleaning trash bins, and turn down noisy sports commentary when she needs sleep. These may seem trivial, but they translate understanding into action. (This mirrors Brené Brown’s concept that empathy is “feeling with people”—joining their experience without judgment.)

Empathy in the Fourth Trimester

Kulp expands compassion beyond birth, into what he calls the “fourth trimester”—the first three months after delivery. Recovery is brutal: hormonal swings, stitches, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding stress. Here, empathy transforms into logistics. You make yourself useful—handle diaper changes, soothe the newborn, cook meals, watch for postpartum depression symptoms. He reminds dads that emotional support isn’t words; it’s presence. Listening at 3 a.m. when she’s crying matters more than any pep talk.

He also introduces “Postpartum Empathy 101,” emphasizing continued patience during recovery. Recognize mood fluctuations not as drama but as biology. Kulp shares personal examples of helping his wife heal physically after deliveries and emotionally after miscarriage—underscoring that empathy sometimes means endurance.

Turning Empathy into Partnership

Empathy reaches its peak when it becomes collaboration. Kulp’s checklists—cleaning, cooking, shopping, budgeting—don’t just lighten the load; they communicate shared ownership. He explains that true empathy makes her feel like you’re both carrying the pregnancy together, even if she physically carries the baby. This shared perspective rewires household dynamics, replacing “helping her” with “helping us.”

“You can’t carry the baby—but you can carry the weight of responsibility.”

Empathy, in Kulp’s world, isn’t sentimental—it’s systemic. It means learning her patterns, anticipating discomfort, validating emotions, and translating care into tasks. For dads willing to engage, pregnancy becomes a shared symphony rather than a solo act of endurance.

Kulp’s hallmark contribution is translating empathy into structure. His weekly milestones and goal categories help dads stay engaged through tangible action. He blends the science of pregnancy with everyday life management, turning complexity into doable habits. Each month in the book aligns baby growth with dad duties, giving readers a rhythm for contribution.

The System of Weekly Milestones

Each week opens with development stats: baby size (from “poppy seed” to “watermelon”), mom’s symptoms, and reminders about appointments. Then Kulp lists “Family Goals” tailored to that stage. In early weeks, tasks emphasize preparing the home and researching doctors; mid-pregnancy focuses on diet, nursery setup, and financial organization; late pregnancy shifts to emotional readiness and hospital packing. The steady structure turns chaos into checklists.

He includes creative categories—like “Daddy Doula,” “Budget Savvy,” and “Home CEO”—each naming behaviors dads can master. For example, one week’s HOME CEO goal is deep cleaning the fridge when Mom’s pregnancy-super-smell kicks in. Another week’s BUDGET SAVVY task involves researching maternity clothes together or adjusting meal plans to save money. Humor keeps the advice relatable while discipline makes it actionable.

Planning Ahead and Communication

Routine and planning aren’t just organization—they’re emotional anchors. Kulp insists that writing lists or setting reminders build unity. “Communicate and coordinate,” he repeats. This habit later becomes indispensable during postpartum, when sleepless nights erode teamwork. He connects routines to long-term relationship health, mirroring principles from family psychology research: predictability reduces stress and enhances emotional stability.

Throughout, Kulp offers humor-filled metaphors—the baby as a “peanut,” then “G.I. Joe action figure,” then “watermelon”—to track progress. Those playful comparisons make developmental science digestible while keeping fathers engaged. For each trimester, he then condenses critical to-do lists: home readiness, babyproofing, appointment awareness, and trip planning. Following those lists provides visible progress and partnership.

“Structure turns confusion into confidence—and confidence is the best gift you can give your family.”

Kulp’s structure is the father’s blueprint. It demystifies pregnancy week by week, ensures engagement every day, and teaches accountability through consistent small wins. Following routines isn’t bureaucracy—it’s love in checklist form.

Kulp’s concept of the “fourth trimester”—the three months after birth—is a cornerstone of the book. He treats it not as an afterthought but as an extension of pregnancy. The newborn, he explains, is still adapting to life outside the womb, and parents, particularly dads, face the steepest learning curve of their lives. Survival depends on partnership, patience, and preparation.

The Reality of Newborn Life

In this phase, sleep deprivation collides with recovery. Mom’s hormones fluctuate wildly, she bleeds, she aches, and she might cry unpredictably. Meanwhile, baby eats every two hours. Kulp normalizes the exhaustion—“Lots of sleep for baby, less for you”—and pushes dads to stay steady. He shares his own experience sleeping beside his wife’s hospital cot, refusing to let nurses take the newborn out of sight. His advice: presence over performance. Simply staying near counts.

Postpartum Support and Watchfulness

Here empathy becomes vigilance. Kulp instructs dads to watch for postpartum depression, reminding them that sadness or withdrawal can escalate fast. He directs readers to resources like Postpartum Support International. He also reminds dads that they can struggle emotionally too—postpartum mood disorders affect fathers, and acknowledging that is strength, not weakness. The antidote, he says, is communication and community. Let friends check on you as you check on her.

Division of Labor

Kulp creates a pragmatic guide for newborn care: diaper changing, swaddling, soothing, bottle preparation, and nighttime shifts. Tasks are framed as shared—not “helping her,” but co-parenting. He adds humor about learning to identify meconium (the tar-like initial poop) and avoiding chaos with a “hospital bag checklist.” Each action reinforces equality in caregiving, making his narrative empowering for modern men.

“This is not her recovery—it’s your family’s recovery.”

The fourth trimester lessons—sleep synchronizing, emotional attunement, and shifting household priorities—train dads for sustainable fatherhood. Kulp closes each section reminding you that the sleepless nights will fade, but the bond you build through endurance lasts forever.

Throughout We’re Pregnant!, humor is Kulp’s hidden superpower. He laughs at himself—the clueless dad fumbling with diapers or cracking jokes about pregnancy moods—and invites you to laugh too. Humor, he suggests, isn’t avoidance; it’s survival. Parenthood, he insists, needs levity to stay sane.

Using Humor to Defuse Tension

Pregnancy and postpartum can be intense, and laughter acts as pressure release. Kulp’s writing sparkles with grounded jokes—rating flatulence like Olympic judges, describing lightning crotch as sounding like an internet meme, or comparing baby size to popcorn. This approach makes daunting science and messy emotions digestible. (Other dad-focused guides, such as John Pfeiffer’s Dude, You’re Gonna Be a Dad!, use similar comic realism, but Kulp maintains deeper emotional grounding.)

Reframing the Chaos

Kulp tells dads to “let life unfold on life’s terms.” Pregnancy is unpredictable—false alarms, hormone surges, sleepless nights—but laughter reframes frustration as narrative. When you see complications as stories, anxiety morphs into resilience. Suddenly, losing poker night to baby prep feels less like sacrifice and more like redefinition. Humor shifts identity: you’re not losing your old self—you’re upgrading him.

Perspective Through Community

Kulp’s involvement in “Life of Dad” and “Dad or Alive” reflects how sharing experiences creates perspective. Parenthood, especially fatherhood, can feel isolating. Humor and connection break that isolation. He encourages building a “brotherhood of fathers,” swapping stories, learning from others, and laughing at common mishaps. That camaraderie reframes difficulty from burden to belonging.

“Fatherhood is work—but it’s also wonder. If you can laugh at the mess, you can love the moment.”

In the end, Kulp’s humor isn’t distraction—it teaches resilience through joy. Perspective, laughter, and community make the long haul of parenting not only bearable but beautiful.