The Montessori Toddler

Have you ever felt that your toddler’s behavior—tantrums in the supermarket, endless “no’s,” fascination with pouring water on the floor—was pure chaos? In The Montessori Toddler, Simone Davies invites you to see all of this not as defiance, but as communication. She argues that toddlers are neither terrible nor manipulative—they’re curious, capable humans learning how to navigate the world, and our role is to be their respectful guide.

Davies, drawing on her extensive Montessori training and years of teaching parents and toddlers in Amsterdam, translates Maria Montessori’s century-old philosophy into everyday, practical parenting. Her core message? If we prepare our environment, slow down, and treat our children with respect, they will reveal how capable, curious, and independent they truly are. The book is at once a manual for creating calm homes and a call for a cultural shift in how we see children.

Rethinking What It Means to Parent

The heart of Davies’s philosophy lies in transforming the way we see toddlers. Instead of battling for control, she suggests partnering with them. This means understanding key principles—trusting the child’s natural desire to learn, giving freedom within limits, and designing environments that promote independence. Davies believes that parenting from a Montessori perspective is as much about who we are as parents as it is about what we do. We are guides, not bosses; collaborators, not dictators.

Davies recounts her own journey: when she first entered a Montessori classroom, she was struck by the serenity of toddlers moving calmly, engaged in meaningful activity. There were no threats, bribes, or power struggles—just respect. She realized the approach could extend beyond the Montessori classroom into every family home. Her mission became clear: to demystify Montessori, make it accessible, and help parents regain joy in their relationship with their children.

What the Montessori Toddler Really Needs

Davies explains that toddlers thrive when five fundamental needs are met: movement, order, independence, exploration, and connection. These correspond directly to how their brains develop between ages one and three. The toddler’s famous “no” phase, for instance, signals emerging independence, not obstinacy. Understanding this reduces conflict and restores empathy.

She introduces Montessori’s concept of the prepared environment—a home or classroom designed at the child’s height and pace. It’s an environment that says “yes” instead of “no.” When children can reach their cup or wash their hands independently, many power struggles vanish. “When we see through their eyes,” she writes, “we realize they don’t need to be controlled. They need to be supported.”

Freedom, Limits, and Trust

Freedom and limits—two seemingly opposite forces—are at the core of the Montessori approach. Davies clarifies that Montessori is neither permissive nor authoritarian; instead, it’s anchored in kind, clear leadership. Parents must establish boundaries that protect safety and respect, while allowing children autonomy to explore. When toddlers throw food, for instance, the parent can calmly remove the plate, saying, “I see you’re done,” rather than yelling or bribing. The boundary is firm but gentle.

Davies reinforces that trust underpins it all. Toddlers have an innate drive to master their environment. If we trust them with real glass, real tools, and meaningful participation—spreading butter, watering plants—they rise to the challenge. Each success builds confidence and self-discipline, the foundation of genuine responsibility.

Changing the Environment, Not the Child

Rather than fixing the child’s behavior, Davies urges us to fix the environment. She provides detailed guides for transforming each room of the home: low hooks in the hallway for autonomy, an accessible snack area in the kitchen, a low bed for independent sleep, an inviting art shelf for creativity. This physical preparation mirrors emotional preparation—remaining calm, observing without judgment, and seeing the child as naturally good and motivated to learn.

Davies also dives into activities to develop the “whole child”: practical life tasks, fine motor challenges, language building through real conversation, and outdoors exploration. These engaging, hands-on lessons fulfill deep developmental instincts children have—to move purposefully, to belong, and to contribute. Each section of the book blends philosophy and practicality, showing parents not just what to do, but why it matters.

Parenting as Inner Work

In the spirit of Montessori’s “preparation of the adult,” Davies insists that raising toddlers peacefully starts with self-awareness. Parents must observe their own triggers, slow their pace, and care for their emotional well-being. The adult’s presence—calm, respectful, consistent—is the fertile soil in which the toddler’s curiosity blooms. Davies closes by reminding us that Montessori is not a trend but a way of being—a way of living peacefully with children and, ultimately, with each other.

“Toddlers are not giving us a hard time. They are having a hard time,” Davies writes. “Our job is to meet them there—with love and clarity.”

This approach matters beyond parenting. Montessori’s gentle revolution began in classrooms but echoes into society. As Davies suggests, if we raise children who are respected, curious, and empathetic, we’re cultivating adults capable of peace. Through the small acts of slowing down, trusting our toddlers, and seeing them clearly, we begin changing the world—one child at a time.

Simone Davies transforms how we understand toddlers by reintroducing them as explorers—innocent, authentic, and deeply capable. Too often adults interpret their behavior through an adult lens, labeling them “terrible” or “defiant.” Davies reframes this stage as a magnificent period of development—the age when the absorbent mind is most active, soaking up experiences through every sense.

The Absorbent Mind

Dr. Maria Montessori’s concept of the “absorbent mind” lies at the heart of Davies’s explanation. Between birth and six, children unconsciously absorb everything around them—language, gestures, pace, and tone. Toddlers, especially those between one and three, internalize experiences effortlessly. This is why Davies urges parents to speak respectfully, move slowly, and model behaviors they want mirrored. Like sponges, children soak in both our calm and our chaos.

For example, when a parent calmly cleans a spilled cup of water instead of scolding, the child learns emotional regulation and problem-solving. When we model respect—asking before touching or helping—the toddler learns social grace.

The Crisis of Independence

Davies describes the toddler’s emerging autonomy as a “crisis of self-affirmation.” Between eighteen months and three years, they discover “I.” They assert independence in unpredictable bursts: one day wanting to dress alone, the next begging for help. Their “no” means “I need to feel in charge of myself.” When we push back with more control, resistance escalates; when we guide with respect, cooperation grows.

Her practical advice is gentle and actionable: give two acceptable choices (“Do you want the red or the blue T-shirt?”), allow time for them to process requests, and remember that toddlers are impulsive because their prefrontal cortex will take decades to mature. “Be their prefrontal cortex,” she writes—offering calm leadership without shame or reward charts.

The Need for Order and Consistency

Order comforts toddlers. When routines change or toys disappear, they react with distress not because they are spoiled but because their brains crave predictability. Davies teaches that maintaining rhythm—consistent daily patterns, clear expectations, and organized spaces—builds security. Even a small “yes space,” fully safe for exploration, allows freedom without overwhelming choice.

Freedom and Boundaries

Freedom without boundaries makes children feel lost; rules without freedom crush curiosity. Montessori strikes the perfect balance. Davies shows how limits provide the backbone for freedom: a toddler can choose what to eat from a healthful selection but cannot throw food; can walk independently but must hold a hand near a busy road. The adult’s calm consistency communicates safety, which allows authentic independence to unfold.

By redefining toddlers as striving, not misbehaving, Davies asks you to act like a translator rather than a judge. “Are you trying to tell me you’re finished?” becomes a bridge instead of a battle. This single mindset shift—from control to connection—transforms parenting from daily conflict into partnership.

In chapter after chapter, Davies breaks down Montessori’s century-old insights into ten enduring principles that parents can live by at home. They cover everything from the child’s natural desire to learn to the adult’s role as observer and gentle leader. Each principle deepens the adult’s respect for the child’s unfolding development.

1. The Prepared Environment

A Montessori space is intentional, beautiful, and accessible. Davies spent years teaching in her Amsterdam toddler classes, where every shelf, tray, and hook was designed for independence. She shows parents how to apply these ideas at home—placing books at the child’s height, offering just a few activities on uncluttered shelves, and using natural materials that invite touch. “Less is more,” she insists; too many toys fragment attention.

2. The Natural Desire to Learn

Children don’t need coaxing—they need opportunity. As Montessori observed, self-motivation flourishes in environments where discovery is possible. Davies suggests inviting curiosity through real tasks: pouring water, sweeping, cooking, gardening. These aren’t chores but joyful acts of learning. Intrinsic motivation, not praise or punishment, drives growth—echoing Alfie Kohn’s work in Unconditional Parenting.

3. Sensitive Periods

Davies maps developmental “sensitive periods” when skills blossom naturally—language, movement, order, manners, refinement of senses. She helps parents notice signs: a child’s obsession with pouring signals a sensitive period for movement; emotional distress over rearranged objects points to order. Meeting these sensitivities with matching activities (flower arranging, pouring, matching games) keeps learning effortless and fulfilling.

4. Freedom Within Limits

Freedom in Montessori does not mean permissiveness. A child may choose, but within a framework of respect—for self, others, and environment. Davies offers everyday examples: choosing clothing appropriate to the weather, or independently preparing a snack but sitting to eat. Respectful limits keep everyone safe and supported.

By teaching independence, responsibility, and respect simultaneously, these principles cultivate the whole child—mind, body, and spirit. And when the adult learns to observe instead of react, the relationship flourishes.

Davies writes, “If we can learn to see what our toddlers are showing us, we will know exactly how to support them.”

Each Montessori principle fosters peace, not through control, but through participation. When children are trusted to pour their own water or help prepare dinner, they’re not just learning skills—they’re gaining belonging and confidence that shape their character for life.

A recurring theme in Davies’s book is the idea that “our home is the child’s first classroom.” By thoughtfully arranging spaces—from kitchen to bedroom—we transform everyday chaos into harmony. Davies doesn’t suggest expensive makeovers but simple shifts in perspective: child-sized hooks, accessible snacks, fewer toys, and more trust.

Room-by-Room Guidance

She guides you through each corner of the home. In the kitchen, a step stool and small jug allow independence in pouring water. In the entrance, low hooks say, “You belong here.” The bedroom becomes a place of rest, with a floor bed instead of a crib so children can climb in freely. Each adjustment says “yes” to exploration rather than “don’t touch.”

Less Clutter, More Connection

Decluttering plays a surprising emotional role. “Visual noise equals mental noise,” Davies warns. By reducing options and rotating toys, children find focus and calm. The same principle applies to adult life—a tidy, beautiful environment supports peace of mind. Her advice echoes Marie Kondo’s philosophy but adds developmental depth: the goal isn’t perfection; it’s independence and belonging.

Cozy and Real

Beauty matters. Montessori isn’t about minimalism but mindfulness. Flowers at child height, family photos, and real tools convey dignity and trust. Davies showcases homes from around the world—Japan, Australia, Mongolia—proving Montessori adapts to any culture or space. The guiding question: “Does this space invite peace?”

When homes reflect respect, toddlers respond in kind. Fewer battles, more cooperation. The environment becomes our silent helper—a partner in parenting.

Davies believes the best education begins long before school—by nurturing curiosity and responsibility through daily life. In two parts, she explores both: first, how to spark curiosity, and second, how to accept children as they are.

Five Ingredients for Curiosity

Davies identifies five essential ingredients that ignite curiosity: trust, a rich environment, time, safety, and wonder. Trust the child to explore. Offer sensory-rich spaces—nature walks, kitchen experiments, music. Protect unstructured time. Provide emotional security. And most importantly, model wonder yourself—marvel at a snail’s shell or a new word. Curiosity is contagious.

Seven Principles for Curious Humans

She then outlines seven lifelong principles: follow the child’s interests, encourage hands-on learning, include them in daily life, go slowly, support independence, invite creativity, and observe. Her advice turns philosophy into practice: let a toddler stir the batter even if it gets messy; let them watch, then copy; resist the urge to correct—guide with quiet confidence.

Accepting the Child for Who They Are

Acceptance means seeing beyond roles and comparisons. Davies cautions against labels—“shy,” “smart,” “bossy”—because they trap children in expectations. Instead, she advises awareness of temperament and empathy: “All feelings are allowed, not all behaviors.” Translate your toddler’s tears, anger, or giggles into meaning. “Are you trying to tell me...?” becomes a mantra of connection. Acceptance turns discipline into collaboration.

“Every child wants to feel significant, to belong, and to be accepted for who they are.” – Simone Davies

This chapter reframes our goal as parents: not to mold obedient children, but to raise curious humans who trust themselves and care about the world.

Perhaps the most revolutionary part of The Montessori Toddler is Davies’s rejection of threats, bribes, and punishments. She replaces control-based discipline with empathy and structure, teaching cooperation as a skill rather than a reaction. Cooperation comes from connection, not coercion.

Why Rewards Don’t Work

Davies explains that rewards and punishments create external motivation. Like Alfie Kohn and Jane Nelsen (Positive Discipline), she shows how stickers and timeouts might buy compliance but erode trust. A child praised for eating vegetables eats for approval, not pleasure. A child punished for throwing feels shame, not empathy. Montessori parenting instead teaches responsibility through natural, logical consequences and loving boundaries.

Practical Communication Tools

• Use positive language (“We walk inside” instead of “Don’t run”).
• Offer information over orders (“The orange peel goes in the bin”).
• Give one-word cues (“Shoes”) to simplify communication.
• Harness humor and empathy, not threats.

Setting Limits with Kindness and Clarity

Limits keep toddlers safe and respectful. Davies suggests house rules like “We are kind,” “We sit at the table to eat,” and “We all help at home.” When limits are crossed, she advises kind, clear action—not lectures. “If you throw food, I see you’re finished.” Follow through calmly, then help them make amends later by cleaning or apologizing. Over time, consistent limits teach emotional regulation and self-respect.

In her workshops, Davies says this is the hardest part for parents to master—but the most transformative. Instead of power struggles, you learn mutual respect. The toddler learns that love doesn’t waver with behavior. That is the foundation of true cooperation.

Davies dedicates an entire section to the “everyday struggles” that test parents most—mealtimes, sleep, toileting, getting dressed, and sibling conflicts—and reframes each as an opportunity for connection. Her advice is both deeply practical and compassionate.

Rituals and Rhythm

Toddlers thrive on predictability. Establishing a daily rhythm—wake, play, eat, rest, repeat—gives them security. Rituals like reading the same book before bed or lighting a candle at dinner anchor their world in order. “Moments of care,” Davies says, “are moments of connection.” Even brushing teeth or changing clothes can become cooperative rituals when you slow down and include your child in the process.

Daily Challenges as Learning

From food throwing to tantrums, Davies’s method is consistent: interpret the message, remain calm, guide through action. For eating, set mealtimes, sit together, avoid bribes, and let them self-feed; for toileting, follow readiness signs, normalize the body, and allow autonomy. Nighttime routines emphasize calm presence—a chair beside the bed, quiet reassurance, gradual independence. Each small decision teaches responsibility rather than obedience.

Siblings and Social Skills

Davies also shines when guiding sibling relationships. She teaches parents to remain neutral during fights (“Two children, one toy—how can we solve it?”). By mediating rather than judging, children learn conflict resolution akin to the problem-solving used in Siblings Without Rivalry. Her insight that children crave fairness, not perfection, helps families cultivate peace beyond the toddler years.

In essence, Davies’s approach turns the ordinary into sacred practice: setting the table, washing hands, or putting on shoes becomes mindfulness in motion—less about control, more about collaboration.

The final chapters of The Montessori Toddler focus on what Montessori called “the preparation of the adult.” Davies reframes parenting as inner work—self-observation, emotional regulation, and reflection. “We cannot guide from chaos,” she writes. Just as children need order, so do adults.

Self-Care and Self-Awareness

Davies reminds readers to fill their own emotional buckets. A calm parent models resilience. Self-care—exercise, rest, friendships—is not indulgence but integrity. It shows children how to honor bodies and boundaries. She adds practical tools: morning rituals of gratitude, mindful breathing, slowing down before reacting. Even counting to three like Dr. Montessori’s rosary beads gives time to respond with intention rather than frustration.

Presence over Perfection

True Montessori adulthood means replacing control with presence. Be honest, Davies says—no white lies, no pretending calm. When we err, apologize. “I’m sorry I yelled. Next time I’ll try to breathe first.” Our children learn humility, empathy, and repair—skills more powerful than lectures.

Peace Begins at Home

For Davies, Montessori is ultimately a peace movement. She reminds us that when adults learn to see children with compassion, the ripples extend far beyond the home—to relationships, schools, and society. Her final chapters on working together with partners, grandparents, and caregivers stress that harmony comes from mutual respect and shared values, not uniform methods. The adult’s kindness is contagious.

“The child developing harmoniously and the adult improving beside them make a very exciting picture,” Dr. Montessori once wrote. Davies’s life work brings this vision into every home.

Her closing message is both humbling and hopeful: parenting is a lifelong practice in peace. If we can slow down, observe, and act with love, transformation follows—not just for our toddlers, but for ourselves.