The High 5 Habit

Have you ever caught your reflection and immediately thought, ugh? Mel Robbins asks this hauntingly familiar question at the opening of The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit. The book’s central argument is deceptively simple: by learning to high-five yourself each morning, you can rewire your brain’s default setting from self-criticism to self-compassion. Robbins contends that the habit is not superficial or silly—it's grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral change. The act of celebrating yourself instead of condemning yourself triggers a cascade of emotional and cognitive shifts that change how you see yourself and how you show up in the world.

The High 5 Habit isn’t about motivational fluff—it’s about building a daily ritual that teaches your mind to see your worth, reinforces commitment, and quiets the relentless internal critic many of us live with. Robbins explains that your brain’s Reticular Activating System (RAS)—a neural filter determining what information gets through to your consciousness—pays attention to what it believes is important. If you constantly reinforce messages of failure, guilt, or inadequacy, the RAS filters the world through that lens. But when you start celebrating yourself, your RAS flips its script: it begins looking for opportunities, evidence of your competence, and reasons to keep going.

The Core Philosophy: A Daily Partnership with Yourself

Robbins roots her philosophy in one deceptively simple ritual: each morning, stand before the mirror and high-five your own reflection. Without words, this gesture communicates powerful, ancient messages of support: I believe in you. You can do this. Keep going. By redirecting the encouragement we freely give to others—friends, colleagues, teammates—toward ourselves, we start rebuilding a broken relationship: the one we have with our own reflection.

The book argues that our culture prizes relentless productivity and external validation while neglecting the self-support systems we need to sustain both. Robbins compares life to running a marathon—you don’t finish by berating yourself; you finish because you are cheered for every mile. A high five isn’t arrogance; it’s acknowledgment.

The Science Behind the Gesture

Robbins grounds this emotional habit in behavioral activation therapy, neuroscience, and psychology. She cites research showing that physical gestures and affirmations alter neural pathways through what Duke neuroscientist Lawrence Katz called neurobic exercises. When you perform a simple but unexpected action paired with an emotion (like high-fiving your reflection and feeling celebration), your brain produces new connections that make empowerment and positive thinking more automatic.

Studies are referenced, including one where children performing difficult tasks persisted longer when given a high five than when praised verbally (“You’re smart”). The high five, Robbins says, bypasses skepticism and taps into unity, trust, and recognition at a subconscious level. Neurochemically, it releases dopamine and reinforces the feeling of connection—both physically and emotionally. It’s a simple, repeatable way to teach your nervous system what encouragement feels like and to make it your default setting.

The Deeper Stakes: Why You Need This Habit

Robbins shows that most adults are their own worst critics. Decades of internalized comparison, cultural expectations, trauma, and guilt have built mental lint that clogs the filter of perception. You scroll through social media and interpret others’ success as evidence of your inadequacy. You downplay compliments, thinking they must be wrong. A daily high five breaks the cycle through physical reinforcement—it’s not thinking differently; it’s acting differently so your thinking follows. As she writes, you can’t think your way into a new life—you act your way there.

The High 5 Habit gradually transforms your subconscious patterns of self-rejection into self-acceptance. When you repeat it every morning, you start seeing yourself not as the problem but as the solution. Eventually, your self-talk softens; you make your bed for yourself, not out of obligation; you put on your workout clothes because you deserve movement. The ripple effect extends outward—you begin trusting your reflection, forgiving your past, and believing that your goals are achievable.

Why It Matters: Reclaiming the Relationship That Defines Every Other

The heart of Robbins’s message is that your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship and goal in your life. If you look in the mirror and don’t see someone worth celebrating, no job title, partner, or praise will fix that. She insists that self-love is not narcissism—it’s necessary. By greeting your reflection with kindness, you affirm the innate worth that has been buried under years of criticism and comparison. Throughout the book, Robbins offers tools—mirror routines, journaling practices, RAS training, and morning rituals—to build a foundation that supports lasting confidence rather than fleeting motivation.

The High 5 Habit is ultimately a manifesto for reclaiming your inner coach—the part of you that knows how to rise after failure, that forgives setbacks as lessons, and that cheers you toward your future. It’s practical, relatable, and scientific, but most of all, it’s radical in its simplicity: the one person who can give you permission to be proud of who you are is the person staring back at you in the mirror.

Mel Robbins doesn’t ask you to simply believe in something magical; she roots her method in neuroscience and behavioral psychology. Her argument rests on one central finding: physical acts of positive reinforcement bypass cognitive resistance. When you high-five yourself, you’re not just saying, “I’m worthy”—you’re proving it through action that your brain can interpret correctly. She explains that our brains form shortcuts through emotional association. Because every high five you’ve ever given signaled optimism, encouragement, and connection, when you do it to yourself, your subconscious cannot reject it.

Neurobics: Training the Brain Through Novelty

Robbins builds on Lawrence Katz’s concept of neurobic exercises. These are unexpected actions tied to emotional states that stimulate fresh neural growth. High-fiving your reflection creates new associations between your physical image and positive emotional feedback. Your brain, conditioned to expect criticism from mirrors, gets a shock when you instead celebrate yourself. Over time, this rewires memory and identity—turning self-loathing into self-support.

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) Connection

In the book, Robbins dives deeply into your RAS—the “bouncer of the brain.” This network filters billions of bits of sensory information every day and only lets through what it considers important: danger, your name, sexual cues, and anything you repeatedly emphasize. That means when you continually think “I screw everything up,” your RAS selectively notices failure and blocks evidence of success. Through consistent morning self-celebration, you reprogram the RAS to mark self-worth as important. Suddenly, you notice opportunities, coincidences, and “signs” of progress you previously ignored.

Behavioral Activation: Acting Your Way Out of Funk

Robbins also draws on behavioral activation therapy (pioneered at Harvard and The Lancet) which shows that action precedes motivation. Instead of waiting to feel better, do better first—small, visible wins convince your brain that change is possible. Making your bed, putting on workout clothes, or high-fiving your reflection are symbolic but real acts that generate momentum. They retrain your body and mind to expect improvement. You build confidence through consistency, not inspiration.

This approach aligns with thinkers like BJ Fogg (Tiny Habits), Charles Duhigg (The Power of Habit), and even Brené Brown’s work on self-compassion—all emphasizing that change happens through micro-movements repeated daily until identity follows action. Robbins merges science and simplicity—a rare pairing.

One of Robbins's most vivid metaphors is the lint-trap mind. Every negative experience, rejection, or criticism sticks to you like dryer lint, clogging your mental filters. This buildup blocks joy, possibility, and confidence. Your internal soundtrack loop—'I’m not enough,' 'Nothing works out,' 'I always fail'—becomes the default setting. To break free, you must deliberately clear the filter each morning via conscious rituals that train your Reticular Activating System to notice positivity again.

How Beliefs Become Barriers

Robbins recounts her husband Chris’s story as proof. After his business failed, his inner narrative locked onto “I’m a failure.” No matter what evidence contradicted it—a thriving family, leadership roles, or respect from others—his brain filtered it out. The RAS only permitted proof that confirmed his belief. This self-sabotaging cycle mirrored her own earlier struggles with bankruptcy and anxiety. The key insight: You’re not broken, you’re blocked. The RAS can be retrained to see progress and hope if you change what you tell it to focus on.

Three-Step Reprogramming

• Interrupt negative thoughts with the verbal cue “I’m not thinking about that.” This acts like swiping lint off your consciousness.
• Install meaningful mantras that you can believe right now—like “I can handle this” or “I will figure this out.” Fake positivity doesn’t work; believable optimism does.
• Act like the person you want to become. Each small decision trains your mind to see success rather than sabotage.

When you treat yourself as worthy—making your bed, speaking kindly, showing up—you create tangible proof for your subconscious. That proof runs deeper than affirmation—it becomes identity. Over weeks, self-loathing gives way to self-trust. You literally rewire belief through repetition and evidence.

Robbins’s High Five Morning routine (from later chapters) builds structure around her core principle: make small promises to yourself and keep them. Six simple actions—getting up immediately, saying 'I’m safe, I’m loved,' making your bed, high-fiving your reflection, putting on exercise clothes, and dreaming on paper—stack daily victories that compound confidence.

Six Morning Promises

• Get up when the alarm rings: This tells your mind you’re reliable. Hitting 'snooze' teaches your RAS the opposite—that your word means nothing.
• Say, 'I’m okay. I’m safe. I’m loved': This morning mantra grounds the nervous system and rewires stress patterns. (Dr. Judy Willis’s neuroscience supports this by showing that calm states open learning centers.)
• Make your bed: A gift to your future self—and a symbol of discipline and follow-through.
• High five the mirror: Solidify your self-celebration and send emotional energy forward.
• Put on workout clothes: Create frictionless momentum toward wellness. Even if you don’t work out, the act signals respect for your health.
• Dream in the morning: Write five desires daily, from practical to audacious. This trains your RAS to prioritize those goals throughout the day.

Together, these become a ceremony of self-leadership. You demonstrate reliability toward yourself, calm your nervous system, and focus your mental filter on goals instead of fears. By the time you check social media, you’ve already proven you matter.

In Chapter 8, Robbins reframes jealousy as blocked desire. Instead of shamefully repressing envy, she teaches you to use it as a compass: it points directly at what you actually want. Her daughter’s jealousy of a friend living abroad was not bitterness—it was suppressed longing to travel. Once she acted on that desire, the jealousy evaporated.

Jealousy Reveals Motivation

Robbins introduces a mental flip: “If they have it, I can have it too.” Someone else's success doesn’t take away your potential; it’s evidence that your dream is possible. She shares her own jealousy of friends with successful podcasts—and realizes it meant she needed to create her own. Jealousy becomes fuel rather than friction.

Turning Feeling Into Action

The antidote? Movement. Follow the pull of envy instead of resisting it. Message that person you envy. Ask questions. Join their world. Robbins’s daughter contacted the beach-dwelling friend and started planning her own trip. Excitement replaced inferiority. As Robbins writes, “You’re not being left behind, you’re being lit up.”

This perspective mirrors works like Gay Hendricks’s The Big Leap, where feelings of limitation mark your next growth zone. Robbins treats jealousy as GPS from your soul—a prompt saying, 'You can go there too.'

Robbins devotes an entire chapter to guilt—especially the self-imposed guilt that paralyzes progress. She compares this emotional pattern to reins on a horse: guilt tugs your spirit backward every time you want to run freely. You fear that pursuing joy will hurt or disappoint others. Her confession about a family heirloom pool table illustrates how guilt manipulates choices until honesty sets you free.

Guilt vs. Love

True care is action based on love, not guilt. When guilt drives your decisions, you shrink your life to manage others’ reactions. Robbins teaches a crucial flip: “People can be disappointed in you and still love you.” Discomfort doesn’t equal danger. This shift—placing your happiness over their approval—transforms relationships and releases internal pressure.

The Power of Thank You

Instead of constant apologies, replace 'I’m sorry' with 'Thank you.' Gratitude redirects focus from guilt to appreciation, honoring both your needs and others' support. Robbins’s simple linguistic reframe adds dignity and connection; it’s a self-high five disguised as gratitude.

Her mother’s story about demanding an independent bank loan—closing her accounts when denied—perfectly embodies self-trust. The lesson? Courageous self-prioritization teaches others that boundaries are an act of respect, not rebellion.

In one of the book’s most captivating chapters, Robbins fuses science with spirituality. She tells the story of a Vermont landscape painting she fell in love with as a college student. Although she couldn’t afford it, she declared, “Someday, I will own this painting.” Eleven years later, through a series of astonishing coincidences, she met the artist and bought the sister painting—the exact mirror of the one she dreamed of. It became living proof of what she calls manifesting done right.

Manifesting Through Small Steps

To manifest effectively, Robbins insists you must visualize the process, not just the outcome. Don’t imagine crossing the finish line; imagine lacing your shoes and training in the rain. UCLA studies show that visualizing the effort activates brain regions tied to follow-through more than visualizing victory alone. Manifesting confidence means picturing yourself doing the work, preparing for setbacks, and showing up despite discomfort.

Robbins calls this “mental coding.” Each time you visualize effort—saving money, making phone calls, or practicing—you mark the dream as “unfinished business” in your subconscious via the Zeigarnik effect. Your brain won’t let you forget it until achieved. This process collaborates with your RAS, scanning the world for opportunities, coincidences, and helpers that align with your goal.

Believe, Don’t Force

Robbins’s story reminds readers that timelines aren’t under personal control. Trust, patience, and belief are as crucial as action. “Your mind is designed to help you achieve your dreams,” she writes, “but you must give yourself permission to believe it’s possible.” The painting became a symbol of divine timing and self-trust—an exhale after years of believing without evidence. (Comparable to Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, though Robbins replaces rigid goal mechanics with soulful openness.)

Robbins devotes chapters to the inevitable setbacks—failed launches, rejections, or crises—that test conviction. Her own 2017 book launch disaster, where Amazon incorrectly listed her book out of stock, catalyzed this lesson. Through humiliation and stress, she practiced flipping limiting beliefs: “Nothing ever works for me” became “Something amazing is happening that I can’t see right now.” This internal pivot birthed her viral success; her impromptu quote “Motivation is garbage” exploded across YouTube and transformed her career.

Turning Chaos Into Growth

Each failure marks the halfway point to breakthrough. Robbins echoes the psychology of grit (Angela Duckworth) and the growth mindset (Carol Dweck): resilience isn’t innate; it’s learned through self-encouragement. A high five is your daily halftime speech—acknowledging you’re in the game and reminding you to keep fighting. When her audiobook unexpectedly became Audible’s #1 title, it proved setbacks can redirect success better than any plan.

Faith Over Timelines

By replacing rigid expectations with faith, you create space for serendipity. Failure, she teaches, is preparation for something greater. Her mantra—“Something amazing is happening that I can’t see”—turns adversity into evidence of alignment. The point isn’t to win every race; it’s to trust the learning process that makes you unstoppable.

The culmination of Robbins’s book and life story in Vermont reveals a philosophy of living she calls the High Five Life: a way of seeing every dot—every choice, setback, and coincidence—as connected preparation for what’s coming. Through her unexpected move to Vermont, guided by a psychic who relayed a message from her late father-in-law, Robbins discovered the power of stillness and self-trust. The High Five Habit isn’t about hype; it’s about harmony.

Trusting the Dots

Just as Steve Jobs said, “You can only connect the dots looking backward,” Robbins insists you can also trust the dots going forward. Every experience prepares you for the next, whether visible or not. Adopting a high five attitude means believing your current moment is a meaningful piece of a larger design. This mindset transforms uncertainty from threat to invitation.

Becoming Your Own Beacon

In Vermont’s silence, Robbins realized she had spent decades running from discomfort. The High Five Habit taught her to stand still, breathe, and tell herself, “I’m okay, I’m safe, I’m loved.” From that stillness came creativity, confidence, and clarity. The essential truth: you are your own beacon. You don’t wait for life to high five you—you generate that light yourself. This is ultimate empowerment: trusting your reflection, listening to intuition, and celebrating your presence as preparation for something amazing.