The Desire Map

Have you ever achieved something—a job, a relationship, a big goal—only to feel strangely empty afterward? In The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte challenges the entire premise of modern goal-setting. She argues that we are taught to chase achievements, possessions, and milestones, assuming they’ll make us happy, but we’ve got the process backward. Instead of asking, “What do I want to accomplish?”, she believes the real question is, “How do I want to feel?”

LaPorte’s central argument is simple but radical: every goal we set is driven by the desire to experience particular feelings—freedom, love, joy, connection, creativity. Knowing and nurturing those feelings first turns ambition into an empowered art of living. This book teaches that pursuing “goals with soul” means aligning external desires with inner truth, a shift that brings clarity, productivity, and peace. The Desire Map is part soulful philosophy, part actionable workbook, helping you transform your relationship with success and well-being.

From Achievement to Feeling

Most of us, LaPorte says, follow an upside-down formula of achievement: we devise plans, chase goals, and only after we meet them do we hope to feel good. She flips the script. Feeling good isn’t the reward—it’s the starting line. Everything we do, from buying a house to posting a selfie, stems from our desire to feel a certain way. By identifying your “core desired feelings,” you can design your life, goals, and daily choices around those emotions.

Through her own experience, LaPorte realized that the chase for checklists and productivity only led to burnout. On a New Year’s Eve years ago, she replaced her usual list of goals with feeling words—freedom, abundance, sexy, connected, creative—and discovered a new kind of direction: a roadmap guided by emotion instead of ambition. This spiritual awakening evolved into what she calls a “holistic life-planning strategy,” where feeling good guides being good.

The Heart of Desire

Desire, in this view, isn’t something to suppress or judge; it’s the most creative force in the universe. LaPorte draws from Buddhist principles, personal stories, and energy psychology to reframe desire as sacred wisdom. When we learn to disentangle our desires from external validation—money, titles, approval—they become pure expressions of the Soul’s longing for connection and evolution. Desire itself is prayer, she writes: a declaration of what life wants to express through you.

She contrasts fear-driven desire—motivated by scarcity or people-pleasing—with generative desire, which originates from authenticity and inner abundance. “The Soul always desires that which will most reveal its true nature,” LaPorte reminds us. This turns desire from a selfish urge into a beacon: it can lead you home to your truest self.

Why Feelings Matter More Than Facts

A major theme of the book is that feelings are power. Our hearts emit stronger electromagnetic fields than our brains, making emotions the real attractors of our experience. When we make decisions—career moves, creative projects, relationships—guided by how we want to feel, we not only align with joy but become magnetic to opportunities that reflect those feelings. As LaPorte puts it, “Love attracts love; generosity elicits generosity; anger creates more anger.”

But she rejects toxic positivity and insists that negative emotions are crucial messengers. Doubt, anger, and frustration signal where we are out of alignment with our Soul, showing us what boundaries or transformations are needed. “Restriction can lead to freedom,” she writes, reminding readers that pain carries the cure. These uncomfortable emotions can be stepping-stones to clarity—wake-up calls that redirect us toward wholeness.

A New Definition of Success

The ultimate promise of The Desire Map is liberation from external measures. Instead of striving for “having it all,” we create success as an inward state of joy, presence, and authentic ease. Doing less but breathing more; shifting from proving to living. In place of rigid goals, LaPorte encourages readers to set only a handful of intentions—aligned with their core desired feelings—and to measure progress not by outcomes, but by how good the journey feels. The process itself becomes the reward.

Her message resonates in a world obsessed with performance. By mapping our desires, we learn to practice self-love as responsibility, discipline as joy, and productivity as a sacred act of choice. The Desire Map isn’t a rejection of ambition—it’s ambition reborn with heart. It calls you to pursue goals not for what they’ll give you, but for how they’ll make you feel alive. Because feeling good, LaPorte declares, is not indulgent—it’s your power source.

Danielle LaPorte’s foundational premise is that everything we do—every purchase, goal, relationship, or decision—is driven by the desire to feel a certain way. She writes, “What you buy, what you eat, who you love, what you dream of… all go back to the desire to feel good.” This applies whether we’re simply trying to survive or aiming to thrive. Feelings serve as our internal compass; yet, most of us disregard that guidance, believing logic and effort matter more.

Reclaiming Emotional Intelligence

Western culture often teaches us to distrust feelings: “Don’t take it personally,” “Keep your emotions in check,” “Don’t let your heart rule your head.” LaPorte argues that this repression disconnects us from life itself. Feelings are not distractions—they are the intelligence of the Soul. When ignored, they manifest as stress, burnout, and numbness. By restoring emotions to the center of our decision-making, we reclaim our natural clarity and vitality.

“The point of life is happiness.” —The Dalai Lama

LaPorte gives the example of a college student studying finance only to please her father. She hates it, but rationalizes the choice as ‘responsible.’ LaPorte predicts that version of success will end not in fulfillment but in antidepressants—because it violates the student’s true feelings. Choosing fulfillment, she says, changes not only individual lives but society itself. When people prioritize what feels genuinely good, they become freer, more creative, more loving—and systems transform accordingly.

Generative vs. Reactive Feelings

The book distinguishes between two types of emotion. Reactive feelings are immediate responses to circumstances: anger at traffic, joy at praise, fear in conflict. Generative feelings, on the other hand, originate from deep within the Soul and remain stable regardless of external events. Psychologist Lianne Raymond calls them “the soul cry”—the inner call to courage, freedom, or connection. Your generative feelings define your true north. As you learn to listen to them through practices like meditation or journaling, they become reliable guidance even when life gets stormy.

The Magnetism of Feelings

Each feeling, LaPorte explains, acts like an electromagnetic beacon that attracts experiences vibrating at the same frequency. Love attracts love, anger begets more anger, gratitude amplifies abundance. What you focus on expands. Choosing life-affirming emotions—peace, enthusiasm, generosity—creates a magnetic momentum that increases your sense of well-being. This echoes psychological research by Rollin McCraty of the HeartMath Institute, showing the heart’s energy field is stronger than the brain’s.

The takeaway: feelings are not passive—they are creative power. When you focus on “life-affirming discipline,” such as joyful effort and compassion even in hard work, you elevate not just your personal life but the world around you. LaPorte’s advice is practical: don’t chase the external win at the cost of internal wellness. Instead, honor your emotions as sacred instructions from your Soul.

LaPorte reframes desire from being an ego-driven craving into a sacred calling—the creative engine of the universe. Quoting Tibetan yogi Padmasambhava, she writes, “Look into the nature of desire, and there is boundless light.” Desire, in this understanding, is not the enemy of enlightenment but its teacher. It invites you to explore what you truly seek—not just things, but feelings of joy, expansion, and connection.

The Lama’s Lesson: Wanting Without Clinging

In one memorable story, LaPorte recounts writing to a Buddhist lama asking whether desiring enlightenment is itself unspiritual. His reply startled her: “You can’t avoid desire—it’s natural. The art is to desire deeply without clinging.” He advised her to notice when desire becomes pushy, neurotic, or self-harming. The goal is to seek freedom from suffering while living naturally and cleanly. This paradox—pursuing liberation without attachment—is the heart of spiritual maturity. You can want passionately and still remain at peace with what is.

Desire as Revelation

Every genuine desire reveals something about your Soul. Beneath every “I want,” LaPorte says, is a longing for a feeling—power, safety, freedom, love. When you examine your wants honestly, you uncover the deeper truth of what drives you. She calls this act “looking desire in the eye.” It’s not psychosis; it’s self-contact. Like Freud’s idea that libido drives creativity and survival, LaPorte suggests that our wanting is life’s evolutionary pulse. Desire isn’t greed—it’s growth calling you forward.

Desire as Prayer

Later in the book, LaPorte describes her transformation from pleading through prayer to declaring through desire. As a child, she prayed obsessively to impress God, even wishing to “sweat blood” like Jesus. Now, she simply declares: “I want this to work out. I want to feel joy.” That shift—from asking to acknowledging—turned prayer into partnership with Life. Desire, she realized, is communication with the Divine. It’s a statement of alignment, not lack.

In this way, “your desire is your prayer” becomes one of the book’s most resonant lines. When you connect with what you long for without shame or attachment, you join creation’s dialogue. As mystics like Rumi and St. John of the Cross taught, wanting fully but letting go of control brings union with the divine. You don’t need to transcend desire—you need to honor it as guidance home.

In modern life, we’re taught to set “smart goals,” mark deadlines, and measure achievement by numbers. Danielle LaPorte turns this mechanical formula on its head. She calls practicing “goals with soul” a liberation from rigid goal-chasing. Feeling good, not ticking boxes, becomes the primary intention. This isn’t laziness—it’s conscious creation rooted in trust, faith, and fierce but flexible effort.

The Problem with Rigid Goal Chasing

LaPorte admits she’s ambitious but rejects the “hustle till you burn” approach. She describes herself as an ambitious softie—disciplined, but guided by joy rather than punishment. Traditional goals, she found, often made her pushy, perfectionistic, and disconnected. “Proving and pushy,” she writes, were enemies of the Soul. A goal achieved through self-bullying might look successful but feels hollow. If the journey doesn’t feel good, the destination won’t either.

Instead, she now sets intentions—not timelines. For example, instead of planning “Launch X project by March,” she writes, “Make X project beautiful; launch when it feels ready.” (Marie Forleo, another creative entrepreneur, takes a similar approach of choosing alignment over pressure.) When life flows instead of forcing outcomes, results often exceed expectations.

Fierce but Flexible Discipline

LaPorte’s advice to manifest goals with soul has two parts. First, focus like a lioness—harness your energy toward what matters most. Second, let go of excessive expectation and control. “Lay down expectations, take up sincerity,” she says. Effort is essential, but attachment to results isn’t. She even offers a prayer for recovering “expectation addicts,” urging readers to trust cosmic collaboration: “I show up and make my art; the universe handles the rest.”

Discipline, she believes, can be life-affirming when it feels good. A marathon runner joyful in the struggle exemplifies that truth. Hard work infused with devotion magnifies rather than drains energy. The surest sign your discipline is Soulful? You stop complaining about it.

Letting Go Without Giving Up

LaPorte also reframes surrender. Letting go of expectations doesn’t mean abandoning ambition—it means trusting that effort anchored in joy will yield the right harvest. She warns against rigid chasing: “Misplaced determination deafens truth.” The balance is “relaxed determination.” Focus fiercely, then release outcomes to higher wisdom. The path itself becomes holy ground.

Thus, goals with soul become transcendence in motion. You’re not chasing success—you’re expressing alignment. It’s not a race toward achievement, but a dance with desire. In the end, LaPorte says, “Show up. Shine. Let it go.”

One of LaPorte’s most freeing principles is that hard work isn't the only path to success. In fact, relentless effort can delay it. She calls this shift “Do less, get more.” In a culture that glamorizes exhaustion, reclaiming ease is an act of rebellion. The universe, she insists, doesn’t keep score of sweat—it responds to the emotional frequency you emit.

Easing Up Without Shrinking Dreams

When you start to feel, “I don’t want to work so hard for what I want,” you’ve reached maturity, not laziness. LaPorte emphasizes that ease and ambition can coexist. You don’t have to sacrifice your dreams when you simplify your effort. Working from flow, not force, accelerates progress because joy aligns you with creative power.

She gives examples: stop hustling to impress others, quit unnecessary busywork, and replace proving with peace. A night owl can still wake early for a project—not out of obligation, but because she’s excited by creation. Productivity born of pleasure is radically efficient.

Trust and Flow

Doing less also means trusting more. LaPorte recommends a “What I Trust” list—acknowledging simple truths that are already stable in your world: your next breath, sunrise, the love of your friends. By focusing on what is working, you strengthen faith that future results will unfold naturally. Trust brings peace, and peace fuels effectiveness. This echoes Eckhart Tolle’s teaching that presence exponentially increases productivity.

The Biology of Change

LaPorte includes insights from sports psychologist Todd Herman, explaining why resistance arises when we start new habits: the brain initially rewards transformation with dopamine, then withdraws it as cells adjust. Feeling “unmotivated” during change is actually proof that your body is recalibrating toward success. Ride out resistance—it’s the storm before alignment. “Your system is reconfiguring itself toward success,” LaPorte quotes Herman.

So, doing less doesn’t mean being passive—it means redirecting energy intelligently, honoring natural rhythms instead of forcing progress. Effort becomes sacred practice, not self-punishment. Work becomes worship.

If The Desire Map has a heart, this is it: clarifying your “core desired feelings.” This process turns vague longing into directional clarity. LaPorte’s workbook guides readers through defining the emotions that matter most—those that express your deepest Soul truth. She insists clarity is liberation: when you know how you want to feel, decision-making becomes simple and intuitive.

The Method

The Desire Mapping practice unfolds across five steps. First, brainstorm freely about how you want to feel in key life areas: livelihood, wellness, creativity, relationships, and spirituality. Don’t censor—write words like radiant, peaceful, sexy, divine, free. Second, research definitions; words have energy that can surprise you. Third, circle the ones that resonate most. Fourth, notice patterns or repeated themes—they point to your Soul’s priorities. Fifth, narrow your list to three to five core feelings that form your emotional compass.

The Power of Words

LaPorte treats words as energy particles. Saying “I want to feel love” feels different from “I want to feel loved.” One empowers; the other depends on someone else’s action. She encourages choosing generative terms—internal feelings of abundance rather than external validation. Likewise, over-givers should beware of words that keep them in effort mode (“serving,” “nurturing”). Core feelings should liberate, not enslave.

My Example: Joy as Compass

LaPorte shares her personal evolution from “divinely feminine, connected, innovative, affluent” to simpler truths: The Divine Feminine, Affluence, Creative, Communion, and Joy. Joy, she realized, was missing all along—the essence behind every other feeling. Joy, she believes, is our true nature. Committing to joy means claiming your birthright of aliveness and refusing to compromise your Soul for external success.

By working with your chosen feelings every day—writing them on mirrors, planners, and sticky notes—you internalize them as guidance. Decisions become luminous: if it doesn’t align with your core desired feelings, you simply don’t do it. This clarity, says LaPorte, is the foundation of “goals with soul.”

Desire mapping is not a one-time revelation—it’s an ongoing spiritual practice. LaPorte closes the book with practical ways to live “goals with soul” daily. The point isn’t perfection; it’s presence. By revisiting your feelings regularly, even when life gets messy, you strengthen the muscle of awareness that keeps your choices aligned with your truth.

Daily Rituals for Alignment

LaPorte suggests starting and ending each day by reciting your core desired feelings. This primes both your conscious and subconscious toward fulfillment. Write your feelings on mirrors, planners, or dashboard notes. Before big transitions—making a call, beginning a meeting, walking into your home—pause and repeat your feelings like a mantra. It’s emotional re-centering made practical.

When Things Suck

LaPorte doesn’t sugarcoat hardship. When things fall apart, she recommends radical acceptance—facing pain instead of resisting it. “Be with what is,” she writes. Then shift gently: say, “I’m looking forward to feeling peace,” or “I’m clear that I want to feel free.” This subtle affirmation bridges pain to possibility. Gratitude and awareness dissolve suffering into clarity.

Collective Practices

The book also encourages group practice. Desire Map circles—whether book clubs or virtual meetups—allow people to share progress and accountability. Asking each other, “What are you doing today to feel the way you want to feel?” becomes a transformative question. These communities amplify joy through shared intention (LaPorte’s network grew into one of the largest online book-based communities).

Making desire a practice changes how you approach planning. Scheduling transforms into soul alignment. Reflection becomes ritual. Work becomes celebration. By continually choosing life-affirming emotions, you embody your Soul daily—making the act of living itself the ultimate goal.