The Complete Eldercare Planner

How do you plan for someone’s later years without losing your own life in the process? In The Complete Eldercare Planner, Joy Loverde argues that effective caregiving begins long before crisis hits. Her core message is that caregiving is not a single act of love—it is a sustained project of planning, communication, teamwork, and self-preservation. She contends that you can’t support an elder well if you are constantly reacting to emergencies or if your own energy is depleted.

Drawing from decades of advocacy and practical experience, Loverde provides a comprehensive roadmap for managing the intertwined dimensions of eldercare—from finances and legal documents to emotional well-being, housing choices, communication, and end-of-life planning. The book flows like a life-cycle manual: starting with assessment and organization, moving through daily care and safety, and closing with estate and legacy management.

The foundation: Write it down and make it portable

Loverde’s first principle is simple but profound: you can’t solve what you don’t record. By using her tools—the Elder Emergency Information Chart, Eldercare Goals Chart, and Decision-Making Worksheet—you turn chaos into clarity. She treats planning as a dynamic, living practice: you’ll revise documents, shift responsibilities, and adapt as your elder’s condition changes. (This mirrors Stephen Covey’s idea of proactive planning: doing what’s important before it becomes urgent.)

Her mantra, “Put dates on everything and keep it mobile,” reinforces the need for flexibility. She recommends maintaining a binder or flash drive with legal papers, medication lists, passwords, and contact numbers so they’re accessible wherever you go. Planning, in Loverde’s view, isn’t bureaucracy—it’s the act of compassion that prevents panic later.

The collaborative core: You can’t do this alone

Caregiving is both personal and communal. Loverde urges you to build a care team that spans informal helpers (family, neighbors, volunteers) and professionals (nurses, geriatric care managers, home-health aides). Each person has a defined role. Spot warning signs—like unpaid bills, disheveled rooms, or sudden withdrawal—then fill support gaps before they widen. For long-distance caregivers, a geriatric case manager can be indispensable (fees range roughly $50–$175 per hour). You’re not abandoning responsibility by hiring help—you’re sustaining it.

Communication fuels teamwork. Loverde’s concept of “communicaring” means learning to listen as much as you speak, validating feelings instead of arguing, and hosting structured family meetings with agendas and follow-ups. The goal is respect, not control—keeping elders central in their own decisions while ensuring safety and dignity.

The caregiver’s survival plan

Loverde insists that you can’t care well if you neglect yourself. Her “Be Kind to Yourself” guidance reframes self-care as part of the job description. Burnout, resentment, and exhaustion are red flags, not badges of honor. Her Burnout Checklist helps caregivers notice warning signs early. Strategies include delegating tasks, taking respite breaks, joining support groups, and asking for help without guilt. She underscores that self-praise and forgiveness prevent collapse (a perspective echoed by authors like Kristin Neff on self-compassion).

Safety, mobility, and medical advocacy

The book drills down into crisis readiness and health advocacy. You learn how to prepare for emergencies—duplicate keys, list medications, manage hospital discharges, and install home-safety devices. Loverde teaches you how to partner with pharmacists, prevent medication errors with brown-bag reviews, and organize essential medical information under HIPAA rules so you can legally access what matters. She reminds you that if you can’t access a home or file in an emergency, outcomes worsen fast.

In parallel, she tackles mobility loss—a common flashpoint around driving retirement. Rather than confrontation, Loverde encourages data-driven assessments and compassionate negotiation. By showing the real costs and safer alternatives (rideshares, parish vans, volunteer drivers), you preserve both safety and independence.

Money, housing, and the logistics of choice

Money is where many plans collapse, so she dedicates major attention to budgeting, benefits, insurance, and housing. You learn that Medicare doesn’t cover long-term custodial care, Medicaid has strict eligibility rules, and early financial planning protects both assets and freedom. She lays out concrete documents to complete—wills, trusts, POAs, and advance directives—and offers checklists for long-term care insurance, housing options, and modifications that make aging in place safer.

Housing choices range from home modifications and shared living to CCRCs and skilled nursing homes. Loverde breaks down each option’s trade-offs, urging you to visit communities unannounced, check inspection reports, and involve the elder’s preferences every step of the way. Downsizing chapters offer stress-tested systems for sorting possessions (“Take it, Donate it, Store it, Toss it”) and responsible moving timelines.

Endings and legacies

The final chapters embrace both practical and emotional closure. She helps you recognize when life is ending, how to invoke hospice, and how to use the Dying Person’s Bill of Rights to ensure comfort and dignity. Simultaneously, she places importance on compiling the Documents Locator—a complete index of legal, financial, and personal records that prevents confusion and protects an estate. By capturing family stories, recipes, and wisdom, you transform grief into legacy.

Core takeaway

Eldercare is not just about the elder—it’s about building systems that honor relationships, maintain dignity, and prepare for the unpredictable. Loverde’s book is a planner, a guide, and a promise that foresight brings peace of mind.

Ultimately, Loverde reframes caregiving as an act of leadership grounded in love and organization. To care well is to plan well—to replace panic with preparedness, isolation with collaboration, and fatigue with resilience.

Loverde structures the caregiving process around networks—not solo effort. The effective caregiver becomes a coordinator and communicator, not a martyr. You begin by identifying the right people for the right roles: family, volunteers, professionals, and key specialists.

Spotting early needs

Use observable cues to gauge when assistance is required. Piled mail, neglected hygiene, mood swings, or forgotten meals signal issues before crises hit. The book provides Alzheimer’s Association checklists to differentiate normal aging from cognitive decline, helping you act early with empathy rather than panic.

Recruiting and managing helpers

Divide the team into informal (family, friends), volunteer (faith-based, community), and professional (case managers, nurses) roles. Loverde’s sample questions for interviewing in-home aides—on licensing, references, driving, and supervision—reduce turnover and risk. She advises retaining written job descriptions and backup plans for sick days or emergencies.

Communication rules

“Communicaring” blends kindness with clarity. Choose calm settings, avoid ambush discussions, and favor respectful questions: “How can we keep you independent?” Use validation (“That must be frustrating”) instead of argument. Loverde’s structured meeting format—objective set, data shared, minutes kept—prevents chaos in multi-sibling discussions. (Compare this practical framework to Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication model.)

Throughout, she stresses accountability: list agreed actions, deadlines, and follow-ups. Healthy communication, she argues, is the invisible infrastructure that keeps care teams stable through stress and change.

Loverde turns attention to the caregiver’s mental and physical health. Too often, self-neglect becomes normalized. Her approach dismantles that myth: sustained caregiving demands consistent energy, clear boundaries, and emotional repair.

Detecting burnout

Her Burnout Checklist asks piercing questions: Are you short-tempered, weepy, isolated, or physically ill? If yes, act now—don’t “push through.” She compares chronic caring fatigue to deferred maintenance: the longer it’s ignored, the more expensive it becomes.

Practical self-protection

• Prioritize tasks—drop the “nice to do,” keep the “must do.”
• Delegate specific chores—rides, cooking, shopping—to others.
• Schedule respite with adult day care or short breaks.

Mantra

“Praise yourself often.” Self-acknowledgment rejuvenates motivation and guards against despair.

Loverde also teaches assertiveness. Say “I can’t help tonight” without guilt. Set boundaries when anger builds. Counseling or group support turns caregiving from isolation to shared experience. At work, explore flextime, dependent-care benefits, and HR-provided eldercare resources before making career sacrifices.

Finally, reconnect with meaning. Her chapter “Caregiving: The Spiritual Journey” recommends prayer, meditation, and journaling—whatever sustains perspective. Self-care, in her words, “isn’t selfish, it’s strategy.”

Organizing medical care is one of the caregiver’s most technical tasks. Loverde arms you with procedures to manage appointments, medications, hospitalizations, and emergencies—not just compassion but competence.

Medical advocacy

Prepare before every appointment: record symptoms, bring updated medication lists, and ask priority questions. Historian-like organization yields better treatment. If doctors stonewall, escalate: contact the patient advocate, ombudsman, or insurer review department. Her “Doctor Appointment Checklist” structures each visit and encourages obtaining copies of every report. (This anticipates modern tools like patient portals and electronic health records.)

HIPAA and record access

Sign HIPAA authorizations everywhere. Keep originals handy to demonstrate your legal right to communicate with providers. Without them, you may be excluded from life-or-death decisions. Maintain portable medical files on encrypted flash drives or apps for instant retrieval.

Emergency preparedness

Complete the Elder Emergency Information Chart. Share it with neighbors, hospitals, and the care team. Duplicate keys, write down alarm codes, and know where safe-deposit boxes or digital logins live. Loverde teaches you to anticipate the logistical choke points that slow response times during crises.

Medication safety

The “brown-bag review”—collect all pills, vitamins, and supplements and show them to a pharmacist—often uncovers dangerous interactions or duplicate drugs. Use one pharmacy, request large-print labels, and store medicines safely. In hospital transitions, meet the discharge planner and verify post-care instructions. Crises reveal the invisible work of prep; Loverde’s system turns preparedness into confidence.

Medical advocacy, she concludes, is less about perfect knowledge and more about consistent documentation, verification, and follow-up—the traits of a vigilant partner in care.

Money troubles and missing paperwork devastate families more than illness itself. Loverde’s financial and legal chapters transform intimidating bureaucracy into manageable tasks.

Budget and benefits

Start with the Eldercare Budget Worksheet: compare income streams (Social Security, pensions) to living and care expenses. Spot leaks—like unneeded subscriptions or donations—and investigate local aid (BenefitsCheckUp, VA benefits). Budgeting buys time and choices.

Insurance literacy

Understand the limits of Medicare, the eligibility hurdles of Medicaid, and the costs and complexity of long-term care insurance. Loverde warns against policy shortcuts: read elimination periods, coverage definitions, inflation clauses, and tax implications. Her “buyer beware” approach—verify A.M. Best ratings and complaint histories—prevents heartbreak later.

Legal protections

Critical documents include wills, living trusts, financial and healthcare powers of attorney, and advance directives. Store originals accessibly (not just in a bank box) and note locations in the Documents Locator. Hire elder-law attorneys for accuracy—DIY mistakes can void wills or Medicaid eligibility. Early action protects both dignity and family peace.

Estate and advocacy

Her guidance through guardianship, probate, and survivor tasks underscores the need for verified records. Order multiple death certificates. Track assets carefully, and know that relatives aren’t liable for debts unless co-signed. Advocate broadly—report fraud and push for caregiver-friendly policies. Financial literacy here isn’t just survival—it’s justice.

By treating finances and paperwork as campaign logistics, you avoid chaos when loss arrives. Loverde turns what feels cold—budgets and forms—into the safeguard of compassion.

Home is memory made physical—but safety must match sentiment. Loverde’s housing and mobility sections help families balance nostalgia with practicality.

Choosing where to live

Assess functional needs (ADLs, transportation, finances) before making any move. The Senior-Housing Checklist prompts questions about services, staff, and transfer procedures. From home modifications and shared housing to CCRCs and skilled nursing facilities, she explains trade-offs clearly and advises unannounced visits for truth over marketing gloss.

Making home safer

For those aging in place, room-by-room walk-throughs reveal fall hazards and needed updates: nonskid mats, handrails, lighting, one-level layouts, grab bars, and talking clocks. Technology supplements human care—smart sensors, voice reminders, and medical alarms—but privacy and consent must guide decisions.

Downsizing and moving

To downsize without resentment, she offers categories (Keep, Donate, Sell, Store, Toss) and strict deadlines. Professional senior-move managers (NASMM members) can preserve sanity and family harmony. Her moving timeline—eight weeks to moving day—covers every logistical step, ensuring essentials stay accessible.

Transportation and driving

Loverde tackles the emotional weight of retiring from driving. Use safety checklists, medical exams, and compassionate dialogue instead of confrontation. Explore alternatives early: paratransit, volunteer drivers, or shared rides. Mobility is more than logistics—it’s identity preserved through adaptation.

Her message: safety does not mean surrender—it’s a creative redesign of independence.

Loverde closes with purpose and peace. Beyond the checklists lies the ultimate aim: building quality of life, meaning, and closure—even through decline and death.

Living well until the end

Addressing pain and depression is paramount. Seek medical management and counseling rather than resignation. Promote engagement through classes, volunteering, or family projects. Meaningful activity reduces loneliness and sustains purpose for both elder and caregiver.

Connecting across generations

She champions intergenerational bonds—sharing stories, recipes, and digital connections. Video chats or printed e-mails sustain ties when distance separates. Each shared memory becomes an emotional anchor and legacy artifact.

Hospice, rights, and closure

Hospice reframes dying from failure to transition, focusing on comfort and dignity. The Dying Person’s Bill of Rights ensures physical and emotional integrity. Planning funerals, wills, and donations in advance allows the living to grieve instead of scramble. Loverde encourages presence—holding hands, sharing silence, and seeking forgiveness where needed.

Estate completion

Finally, the Documents Locator gathers everything—deeds, insurance, pensions, certificates—into an accessible archive. Obtain many certified death certificates; record every step of estate resolution. These acts turn administrative burdens into acts of closure. In her words, “Preparation is the last gift you can give your family.”

Her final insight transcends logistics: caregiving, when done deliberately, becomes a mutual legacy of planning, presence, and love.