Surrounded by Setbacks

Have you ever felt like life keeps throwing obstacles your way—just when things seem to be improving? In Surrounded by Setbacks, Swedish behavioral expert Thomas Erikson argues that your ability to handle and learn from adversity is the true measure of long-term success. He contends that life’s biggest tests—failed careers, broken relationships, lost opportunities—are not meant to destroy you but to teach you. However, to transform setbacks into growth, you must stop blaming others and take radical responsibility for everything you do, fail to do, or feel.

Through engaging stories, behavioral psychology, and his trademark DISC color framework, Erikson explores how personality shapes our reactions when things go wrong. He shows why some people crumble while others grow stronger and how to develop habits that shift you from a passive victim of your circumstances to the architect of your own success.

From Blame to Responsibility

At the heart of Erikson’s argument lies a difficult truth: if you want less chaos and more fulfillment, you must take complete responsibility for your life. That means accepting that both your actions and your inactions create the outcomes you experience. This idea echoes Alfred Adler’s early 20th-century psychology—moving beyond Freud’s focus on past trauma to stress how present choices and attitudes shape your future. For Erikson, setbacks are not punishments—they’re feedback.

He defines three layers of responsibility: what you do (your actions), what you don’t do (your avoidance), and how you react to what happens (your mindset). Whether you missed that job interview because of traffic or a relationship fell apart due to neglect, it’s not about fault—it’s about ownership. Blaming others may feel comforting, but it keeps you powerless. Responsibility, on the other hand, empowers you to act differently next time.

Your Brain’s Trap: The Comfort of Excuses

Erikson points out that our brains evolved to protect us from danger, not to make us happy. That’s why we rationalize failure and avoid risk. We invent excuses—“It’s not the right time,” “I’m too old,” “I don’t have the education.” But as he observes, these are mental defense mechanisms meant to shield us from discomfort, not truth. They keep us stuck in what he calls “Laterville,” a mental city full of people waiting for the perfect moment that never comes.

The antidote is decisive action: confronting denial, taking feedback, and moving forward even when uncertain. Like in Charles Duhigg’s The Power of Habit, Erikson emphasizes the simple truth that change is about doing small things consistently—not about giant one-off transformations. Every small act of responsibility compounds into larger results.

The Color of Your Setbacks

Drawing from the DISC behavioral model, Erikson uses four colors—Red, Yellow, Green, and Blue—to describe how different personalities respond to adversity. Reds attack problems head-on but risk bulldozing others. Yellows stay positive yet avoid facing hard truths. Greens withdraw and ruminate, fearing conflict. Blues analyze endlessly, seeking control through logic. Understanding your color helps you see both your strengths and your blind spots under stress.

This framework helps explain why a setback that devastates one person can ignite ambition in another. For example, a Red might see being fired as a challenge to “prove them wrong,” while a Green sees it as proof of failure. Awareness of your style allows you to respond intentionally, not impulsively.

Escaping Laterville for Winnerville

Midway through the book, Erikson contrasts two imaginary cities: Laterville and Winnerville. Laterville is comfortable but stagnant—a place defined by excuses, routine, and “later.” Its residents dream but never act. Winnerville, on the other hand, buzzes with growth-minded people who see others’ success as inspiration, not intimidation. The only requirement to move? Take action and stop waiting.

Erikson urges readers to recognize whether their daily habits belong to Laterville or Winnerville. Are you investing your time or wasting it? Are you surrounding yourself with those who support your growth or those who keep you small? The move from one mindset to the other happens when you stop existing reactively and start living intentionally.

The Long Game of Success

Finally, Erikson reframes success not as a destination but as a process. Using vivid examples—like Harry, the middle-aged man who fails and then learns to rebuild his health—he shows that true growth requires patience, direction, and clear motivation (“your why”). Time, he writes, is the most valuable and nonrenewable resource. You can’t manage time; you can only manage yourself. In the end, success belongs to those who act despite setbacks, keep learning, and refuse to drift back into old habits.

By blending personal stories, behavioral theory, and pragmatic exercises, Surrounded by Setbacks becomes more than a self-help book—it’s a manual for proactive living. Erikson’s ultimate message is hopeful: while you can’t control life’s storms, you can control your response, adjust your sails, and, in doing so, steer yourself toward lasting success.

The foundation of Erikson’s philosophy is radical personal responsibility. He begins the book by stating, “It’s not them—it’s you.” That might sound harsh, but it’s liberating. Taking 100% responsibility means acknowledging that you are the common denominator in all your successes and failures. It isn’t the economy, your partner, or your boss that shapes your life; it’s your decisions, actions, and reactions.

Three Types of Responsibility

• Responsibility for what you do: Every action—sending that email, skipping the workout, picking that fight—has consequences. Even if someone told you to do something, the decision to act is still yours.
• Responsibility for what you don’t do: Inaction carries just as much weight. The opportunities you ignore or the conversations you avoid shape your outcomes as powerfully as your actions.
• Responsibility for how you react: You might not control what happens, but you always control your reaction. Two people stuck in the same traffic can have two entirely different days—one fuming, the other relaxed.

Erikson uses everyday examples—missing the plane, ignoring health warnings, tolerating an unsatisfying job—to show how most of our “bad luck” is really the result of repeated neglected choices. The point isn’t guilt; it’s empowerment. If you created the situation, you can create something better.

Breaking the Excuse Cycle

Excuses, Erikson says, are psychological shields. They help you avoid confronting uncomfortable truths but rob you of agency. Every “It’s not my fault” keeps you in a mental loop of complaint and stagnation. He compares this to complaining about gravity: yes, it’s inconvenient, but it’s also universal—so stop grumbling and adapt.

“Anyone can open the most complex lock in the world—they just have to have the code.”

Erikson’s “code” is self-awareness plus responsibility. Stop blaming politics, luck, or other people’s personalities. Instead, analyze what you can control and act accordingly. Like Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the focus begins with what Covey called the “Circle of Influence”—the area where you can actually make a difference.

Action Over Analysis

Responsibility is worthless without action. Many people intellectually accept their faults but fail to change behavior. Erikson urges you to move from self-awareness into concrete adjustment: address that toxic work relationship, fix your finances, apologize sincerely, set boundaries. The sooner you act, the sooner you exit “victim mode.”

Ultimately, taking full responsibility redefines setbacks. Instead of proof that you’ve failed, they become signals from reality, helping you course-correct. The path to success, therefore, doesn’t start with mastering new tools—it starts with mastering yourself.

For Erikson, setbacks are not roadblocks—they’re feedback from life. They show you where your methods, attitudes, or timing are off. When you view obstacles as valuable messages instead of personal failures, you gain the resilience needed to try again more intelligently. As he writes, “Every setback you’ve had in life is feedback from the world you live in.”

The Catastrophe Scale

One way to manage perspective is through scaling. In chapter 6, Erikson humorously rates disasters—from “the end of humanity” at 100 points to “missing the bus” at near zero. Most of what we panic about barely registers on that scale. By ranking problems, you replace catastrophizing with proportionate thinking. He notes that small irritations like spilled coffee or traffic jams become emotional workouts—training for when real difficulties arise.

Transforming Setbacks Into Possibilities

In a key exercise, he invites readers to make a “List of Setbacks,” then reframe each as a potential possibility. The story of Peter, a dyslexic author, illustrates this perfectly. Peter’s learning difficulty once felt like a curse but later became his motivation to prove his teachers wrong and write successful books. What looked like a lifelong obstacle became a driver for achievement.

Erikson shows that this interpretive flexibility—choosing to see advantage in adversity—is the hallmark of resilient people. When your manuscript gets rejected, maybe it’s not failure but training. When you’re laid off, maybe it’s the push to start the business you keep imagining.

Your Emotional Lens

We interpret events not logically but emotionally. A Red personality may fight through adversity, while a Green one collapses under the same pressure. The goal is not to suppress emotion but to question it. “Was it really as bad as I first believed?” Erikson asks readers. The moment you examine your feelings with curiosity rather than judgment, you begin to regain control.

By consciously reframing hardships as lessons and opportunities, you cultivate gratitude even for painful experiences. This doesn’t mean pretending every tragedy is good—it means asking, “What can I learn from this?” Like Angela Duckworth’s concept of “grit,” Erikson’s approach reveals that success depends less on avoiding failure and more on responding well to it.

In one of the book’s most memorable metaphors, Erikson describes Laterville—a mental city where people wait endlessly for the perfect time to act. Laterville is comfortable, familiar, and filled with good intentions. It’s where people say, “I’ll start saving after my next paycheck” or “I’ll apply for that job when things settle down.” But comfort, he warns, is deceiving—it’s life’s slow poison.

The Psychology of Laterville

Laterville thrives on excuses. Residents tell themselves they’ll act “later” to avoid discomfort today. They plan endlessly but rarely execute. They’re often hardworking—just at the wrong things. Erikson uses his own story to illustrate this trap: for decades, he worked tirelessly without direction, planning vacations more carefully than his career. He was “busy being busy” until he realized action without vision is stagnation.

He contrasts Laterville with Winnerville, a smaller but lively town where residents take responsibility, cheer others’ success, and act on their goals. While Latervillians explain why ideas won’t work, Winnervillians ask, “How can we make this happen?”

Leaving Laterville

Leaving Laterville starts with selling your “mental house” there. That means abandoning excuses, negative influences, and the illusion of safety. Erikson urges readers to write down everything they keep postponing, then choose one thing—just one—and act on it within 24 hours. The motion itself creates momentum.

“The universe couldn’t care less who intends to do what. All that counts is what you actually do.”

From Later to Now

The transition from Laterville to Winnerville is psychological, not logistical. It’s about recognizing that waiting for perfect conditions is an illusion. There is no right time, only the present moment. Those who act—even imperfectly—eventually learn, adapt, and thrive. Those who wait, drift.

Erikson’s message recalls Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art: resistance is strongest right before meaningful work begins. The cure is simple but hard—show up and begin. Once you do, you’ll find that momentum, not motivation, is what sustains progress.

Through the fictional story of “Harry,” Erikson dissects why self-improvement efforts so often fail. Harry is an ordinary man who wants to become fit and healthy after years of neglect. He joins a gym, cycles daily, and eliminates junk food—but six months later, he’s worse off than before. The lesson? Willpower and enthusiasm aren’t enough. Without understanding your why and building realistic systems, even the best intentions collapse.

Eight Causes of Failure

• He didn’t know why he was doing it.
• His goals were vague (“Get in shape”).
• He took on too much at once.
• Results were invisible at first.
• He lacked persistence.
• He underestimated how hard breaking habits would be.
• He surrounded himself with the wrong people.
• He drifted off course.

Motivation Starts with “Why”

Echoing Simon Sinek’s Start With Why, Erikson explains that purpose fuels perseverance. Harry’s superficial goal (“look better”) lacked emotional power. A deeper motive—wanting to live long enough to play with his grandkids—would have driven consistency. Without a compelling reason, discipline fades at the first setback.

Start Small and Build Momentum

Harry’s second mistake was trying to change too many habits at once. Erikson contrasts him with Lena, a character who succeeds by focusing on small, manageable actions: biking to work, reading 30 minutes a day, drinking water hourly. Incremental progress created self-trust, which in turn built momentum. Her method echoes James Clear’s principle from Atomic Habits: “Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.”

The Hidden Danger of Drifting

Harry’s downfall came not from failure but drift—losing focus gradually until he returned to old patterns. Erikson uses a vivid metaphor: an airplane off course by one degree eventually ends up hundreds of miles away. His solution is simple yet powerful: the “Red X” method. Mark every day you stay on track with a red X on your calendar. Soon the chain itself becomes motivation; you don’t want to break it. This “loss aversion,” a concept from psychologist Daniel Kahneman, keeps you aligned.

Harry’s story reminds us that motivation fades, but systems endure. The key is not to be perfect, but to constantly correct course. Success, Erikson promises, belongs to those who keep adjusting rather than quitting.

Understanding yourself is vital to handling adversity. Erikson’s DISC model divides personalities into four colors: Red (dominant), Yellow (inspiring), Green (stable), and Blue (analytical). Each color has strengths under normal conditions—but under stress, those strengths can mutate into weaknesses. Self-awareness helps you adapt instead of overreacting when pressure mounts.

Red: Control and Drive

Reds are action-oriented problem solvers who fear losing control. Their energy fuels achievement, but anger and impatience can alienate others. Erikson coaches Reds to slow down, listen actively, and share victories with their teams. True leadership, he says, isn’t about dominance—it’s about direction and empathy.

Yellow: Optimism and Ego

Yellows thrive on creativity, enthusiasm, and connection. Their fear is losing prestige or popularity. Under stress, they talk more than they act, seeking approval over progress. Erikson advises Yellows to ground themselves with structure—write things down, make concrete plans, and actually follow them. Pairing with Blue personalities can provide balance.

Green: Peace and Avoidance

Greens seek harmony and stability. Their fear is conflict, leading them to avoid confrontation even when necessary. They risk stagnation by prioritizing peace over progress. Erikson encourages Greens to take small but decisive actions and to voice their opinions early before resentment builds.

Blue: Perfection and Paralysis

Blues value logic and correctness. Their fear is making mistakes or looking foolish. This can lead to overanalyzing instead of acting. Erikson’s advice: 90% is good enough. Perfectionism kills momentum. Taking action, even with incomplete data, is better than endless preparation.

By recognizing how each color distorts under pressure, you can tailor your coping strategies. The goal isn’t to erase your personality—it’s to expand your flexibility. When you learn to respond instead of react, setbacks become manageable, not monumental.

Erikson devotes the second half of the book to redefining success. Contrary to society’s obsession with titles and money, he argues that success is deeply personal. It’s about achieving goals that are worth achieving while becoming someone you respect in the process. “You don’t own success,” he writes. “You rent it—and the rent is due every day.”

Success Is a Feeling, Not a Status

Everyone defines success differently: happiness, freedom, meaningful relationships, health, contribution. External approval—a promotion, luxury car, or Instagram fame—gives fleeting satisfaction. True success emerges from aligning daily actions with personal values. Comparing yourself to others, he warns, is the fastest route to misery.

Erikson supports this with research on happiness from Harvard University: beyond a certain income (about $75,000 annually), more money doesn’t make people happier. Fulfillment comes from purpose and connection, not possession.

You Versus You

To escape envy and unhealthy competition, Erikson advises you to compete only with yourself. “The person you are tomorrow,” he writes, “should be a tiny bit better than the person you are today.” This mirrors Alfred Adler’s belief that self-improvement—not comparison—is the antidote to inferiority.

Sustain It, Don’t Chase It

Many people reach peaks of success only to slide backward. The key, Erikson says, is momentum. Like a rocket using most of its fuel to break orbit, success takes immense effort at first but little to maintain once steady systems are in place. That means never abandoning the habits that brought you to the top—reading, learning, listening, showing up early, prioritizing what matters.

True success is not linear but cyclical—it grows through intention, discipline, and constant renewal. When you help others succeed, you strengthen yourself. In the end, as William Griffith Wilson (the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous) discovered, lifting others often becomes the surest way to lift oneself.