Show Your Worth

How can you prove your worth in a world that often overlooks the contributions of women—especially women of color, immigrants, or mothers juggling multiple roles? In Show Your Worth: 8 Intentional Strategies for Women to Emerge as Leaders at Work, Shelmina Babai Abji argues that women must be deliberate and strategic in how they define, pursue, and demonstrate success. She contends that leadership isn’t a birthright; it’s cultivated intentionally, one decision and one disciplined act at a time. The essence of her argument is that intention—what she calls “strategic intent”—can transform feeling undervalued into actively showing your value and emerging as a leader on your own terms.

Abji writes from lived experience. Raised in poverty in Tanzania by a mother with a fourth-grade education, she became a software developer, sales executive, and eventually a vice president at IBM, one of the most prestigious technology firms in the world. She did this while raising two children as a single mother. Through that journey, she discovered eight strategies grounded in intention that allowed her to rise above fear, self-doubt, and systemic bias. These strategies—intentional success, attention, work-life balance, value creation, growth, relationships, leadership branding, and promotion—form a roadmap for women who want to lead authentically and powerfully.

The Broken Rung and the Glass Ceiling

At the start of the book, Abji reframes the conversation around women in leadership. Instead of focusing only on the “glass ceiling,” which blocks senior leadership access, she examines a “broken rung”—the first managerial step that many women never get to climb. Fixing that broken rung, she emphasizes, is foundational for parity. As Linda Babcock and Sheryl Sandberg have similarly observed (in Women Don’t Ask and Lean In), gender equity fails not at the finish line but at the starting gate. By encouraging women to define success intentionally early in their careers, Abji provides the critical inner scaffolding needed to ascend without losing personal fulfillment.

Intention as Leadership Power

Intention, in Abji’s model, means putting deliberate thought behind every choice—allocating energy, time, and attention toward what will yield meaningful progress. The opposite, she warns, is running on autopilot, reacting to external expectations and workplace demands. This lack of intention leads to burnout, dissatisfaction, and stagnation. When you act intentionally, your goals connect to your personal definition of success, ensuring they’re not borrowed from others’ expectations.

“You’ll make meaningful progress every day toward your desired outcomes,” Abji advises, “when you combine intention with execution.”

Leadership Through Authenticity

One of the book’s major themes is authenticity. Abji challenges the notion that women must emulate male leadership archetypes. Instead, she calls on readers to lean into their uniqueness—whether that comes from cultural identity, motherhood, or personality. By building a leadership brand rooted in authenticity, women expand the definition of what leadership looks like. This echoes Brené Brown’s idea that vulnerability and courage are inseparable in leadership; Abji expands that lens through intersectionality, arguing that authenticity can be both strategy and strength.

Why These Ideas Matter

Abji’s framework matters because women still make up less than 10% of the highest leadership roles globally, and even fewer when considering women of color. Her book doesn’t simply encourage confidence—it teaches competence through actionable methods: create success definitions, allocate attention to priorities, craft a leadership brand, and prepare intentionally for promotions. It’s a blend of mindset transformation and tactical career guidance. If Sheryl Sandberg told women to “lean in,” Shelmina Babai Abji tells them exactly how to sustain the lean with structure, discipline, and resilience.

Throughout this summary, you’ll explore each of Abji’s eight strategies and see how they interlock like links in a chain. You’ll discover how defining success can quiet imposter syndrome, how managing your attention leads to measurable impact, and how balancing work and life becomes both survival strategy and competitive advantage. You’ll then learn how creating value intentionally lifts others while accelerating your growth, how relationships and branding amplify influence, and how promotions can reshape workplaces. Ultimately, Abji’s message is clear: You cannot be passive about success. You must build it, claim it, and—most importantly—show your worth every single day.

Shelmina Babai Abji’s first strategy, Intentional Success, urges you to stop borrowing definitions of success from others—your company, your family, even society—and to consciously design success based on your own values, passions, and purpose. Too often, career paths are shaped by external pressure: what looks prestigious, earns approval, or fits a corporate mold. Abji argues that this external validation traps women in goals that ring hollow.

The Power of Self-Defined Success

Abji illustrates this through her own journey—from a poor child in Tanzania to an IBM executive. As a girl who ranked 27th out of 30 students, she initially studied harder only to make her mother happy. But later, she realized that her motivation must come from her why—to lift her family out of poverty. By defining success in terms of meaning, not status, she transformed obstacles into stepping stones. This practice of defining “your why” recurs throughout the book: knowing why you want success sustains you when challenges strike.

The GPS Analogy

Abji compares letting others define success for you to driving toward an unknown destination using someone else’s GPS. You end up somewhere, but not where you wanted to go. Only when you set your own coordinates—your vision and your why—can you ensure every decision moves you closer to fulfillment. This metaphor highlights the book’s insistence on agency and direction, much like Steven Covey’s principle “Begin with the end in mind” (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People).

Progress, Not Perfection

Defining success doesn’t create instant clarity. Abji reminds readers that introspection takes time and iteration. The process involves identifying your core values, energizers, and depleting factors. She suggests asking questions like: “What energizes me?” “Where do I feel most competent?” The goal is not perfection but progress—continually refining your definition as your life evolves. In fact, she encourages revisiting your definition annually to ensure alignment with changing priorities.

Leadership Lessons from Vernā Myers

Abji shares the story of Vernā Myers, Netflix’s Vice President of Inclusion Strategy, who initially pursued law for the paycheck and prestige. Years later, she realized those goals felt empty. By redefining her success to align with her values of diversity and inclusion, she launched a fulfilling career transforming workplaces globally. Myers’s pivot illustrates Abji’s thesis: success only feels real when it serves your deepest why.

Success, Abji concludes, “has plasticity; it evolves as you do.” You must keep redefining it so it remains authentic and energizing.

Ultimately, defining success intentionally shifts your focus from comparison to purpose. It guards you against career burnout and regret. You become guided by conviction rather than competition. This mindset, Abji insists, fuels resilience through setbacks and becomes the internal compass for all eight strategies to follow.

In her second strategy, Intentional Attention, Abji teaches that attention—not time—is your most precious resource. In an era of constant notifications, meetings, and multitasking, we often confuse busyness with productivity. Abji learned this as a new sales representative at IBM when her days were filled with endless tasks yet little progress. Her mentor, Keith Elzia, revealed the secret: It’s not about working more hours; it’s about focusing attention on high-impact priorities.

From Task Trap to Productivity

Abji initially pursued fifty potential sales deals simultaneously, thinking effort equaled success. But she was fragmented and exhausted. When Keith taught her to qualify only fifteen “must-win” deals and structure her days around them, her productivity soared. She shifted focus from activity to achievement—a transformation familiar to readers of Cal Newport’s Deep Work, who emphasizes focused effort over scattered multitasking. The phrase “Is this worthy of my attention?” became Abji’s professional mantra.

Learning to Say No

A key lesson in this chapter is the art of saying no. Many women struggle to decline requests for fear of seeming selfish or uncollaborative. Abji reframes “no” as protecting what’s worthy of your attention. With coaching, she learned to communicate prioritization respectfully—focusing on what best drives organizational success. As Keith reminded her, “You weren’t hired to win a popularity contest. You were hired to deliver outcomes.” Abji shows how saying no strategically earns respect rather than resentment.

Structuring Days Around Priorities

Intentional attention also involves scheduling. Abji adopted a structured calendar: 80% reserved for high-priority work, 20% for administrative tasks and recharging. She scheduled “pause breaks” between tasks to regain energy and clarity. Over time, this discipline made her “productive rather than busy.” Like productivity experts Laura Vanderkam and David Allen, she advocates treating your calendar as a strategic map—not a reactive to-do list.

Respecting Time Teaches Others to Respect You

Abji discovered that by sending structured weekly status reports to stakeholders, she prevented time-draining interruptions. Her colleagues learned to trust her consistency. “You teach others to respect your time when you respect it yourself,” she concludes. This insight applies far beyond sales—it’s about boundaries, discipline, and modeling efficient leadership.

Intentional attention transforms your career from reaction to direction. When you allocate mental energy toward what truly matters, progress becomes predictable rather than painful.

In essence, mastering your attention means turning every hour into an investment with measurable returns. It’s not a matter of doing more but doing what matters most—consistently, deliberately, and unapologetically.

The third strategy, Intentional Work-Life Balance, emerged from Abji’s personal crisis. Eight months after her first leadership promotion, her husband left unexpectedly, leaving her with two small children and a demanding national sales team. Her life spiraled into anger, exhaustion, and guilt until one night she broke down completely. Through tears, she realized her suffering stemmed not from her circumstances but her response to them—a pivotal moment that reconnected her with what she calls her Power Quotient (PQ): the ability to choose an empowering response to a disempowering situation.

Choosing Empowerment Over Victimhood

That moment reshaped her philosophy. She vowed to stop giving power to circumstances she couldn’t control. Instead of reacting to chaos, she reframed her thoughts from “I have to do all this” to “I get to do all this.” This mental pivot turned victimhood into gratitude and revived her energy. Oprah Winfrey’s quote, “You can have it all, just not all at once,” serves as the chapter’s guiding principle. Abji shows that true balance begins in your inner world.

Mindset Shifts That Sustain Balance

She identifies three foundational beliefs crucial for sustaining balance: (1) believe balance is possible, (2) protect your inner well-being, and (3) view every challenge as a learning opportunity. When you internalize these beliefs, you stop treating balance as compromise and start seeing it as alignment. Abji insists that caring for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s selfless, because it lets you bring your best self to every role you play.

Setting Boundaries and Routines

Intentional boundaries follow. Abji limited her workday to 6 p.m. sharp, structured her evenings around family, and created transition rituals—quick workouts and cold-water splashes—to shift from “work mode” to “home mode.” She learned to say no to unnecessary social obligations to conserve energy for what mattered: her children, health, and peace. “Value your energy enough to set and stick to boundaries,” she writes. This aligns with modern neuroscience research on stress showing boundaries are a prerequisite for sustained productivity.

Resilience Through Intentional Living

Abji’s recovery emphasizes resilience through reframing. By viewing each setback as a lesson, not a defeat, she grew stronger. Her decision to treat every week as reflection time allowed continuous course correction. “Balance isn’t static—it’s a dance,” she muses. In the long run, this mindset helped her land a second-line leadership role managing 150 salespeople, proving balance fuels—not hinders—professional ascent.

Work-life balance isn’t about perfect harmony—it’s about intentional choices that let you thrive at work and at home. When you nurture your inner well-being, success becomes sustainable.

As illustrated by therapist Priscilla Eun-Young Abji’s story in this chapter, motherhood itself can be a catalyst for growth rather than a detour. By redefining balance as flexibility, both women show that equilibrium is an evolving practice—not a destination.

In Intentional Value Creation, Abji connects worth to contribution: “Your worth to your organization is measured by the value you create.” When you underplay your ideas, skills, or achievements, the world mirrors that undervaluation back at you. This chapter reads like a manifesto against self-doubt and systemic bias, combining personal empowerment and professional strategy into one cohesive challenge: stop undervaluing yourself, and start intentionally increasing your impact.

Overcoming “The Unders”

Early in her career, Abji felt “underrepresented, undereducated, underprivileged, underproficient”—her “unders.” These self-perceptions led her to act “under”: undermining her confidence, undervaluing her opinions, and underestimating her worth. Her breakthrough came when a male colleague voiced the same idea she’d silently conceived—and received praise. That sting taught her a lasting lesson: her ideas mattered. That day, she spoke up, trembling yet courageous, and proved her value. This turning point birthed her concept of the Power Quotient (PQ)—the ability to choose empowering responses to disempowering thoughts.

Internal and External Barriers

Abji identifies several barriers to value creation: fear of judgment, cultural conditioning, ineffective communication, and workplace biases. By “debugging” limiting beliefs—much like a programmer removing faulty code—you rewrite your internal software. She shares a mentoring story about a young Indian engineer who learned to “debug her mental program” after years of thinking she wasn’t smart enough. This metaphor transforms programming logic into personal empowerment.

Authenticity and Collaboration as Accelerators

To amplify value, Abji emphasizes collaboration and authenticity. Working together multiplies worth (“1 + 1 > 2”), while authenticity creates uniqueness. By leaning into what differentiates you—your upbringing, cultural lens, empathy—you contribute perspectives that others cannot replicate. Kathleen Hogan, Chief People Officer at Microsoft, embodies this when she stopped “covering” her cancer diagnosis and began leading from vulnerability. Her transparency deepened trust and connection, becoming a pillar of her leadership brand.

The Courage to Confront Bias

Abji recounts facing bias from a colleague who doubted her ability to win a major deal. Her mentor advised reframing his skepticism as ignorance to be educated, not animosity to be feared. By winning the deal, she dismantled his prejudices through excellence rather than confrontation. This approach, she argues, slowly reforms stereotypes one interaction at a time. (Note: This aligns with Carol Dweck’s idea of “growth mindset” applied to diversity.)

When you intentionally create value at your maximum capacity, you become indispensable—and the world starts to mirror your worth back to you.

Value creation, then, isn’t just about professional output—it’s about personal evolution. Every time you speak up, collaborate authentically, and reject limiting narratives, you exercise the muscle of worth. Your voice becomes power. Your performance becomes education. And your presence becomes leadership.

Growth, Abji insists, is the bridge between competence and leadership. Her fifth strategy, Intentional Growth, declares that comfort and growth cannot coexist. Leadership demands stepping into uncertainty again and again. Every challenge—whether missed revenue targets or difficult transitions—should be reframed as an opportunity to expand your competence, confidence, and resilience.

Learning Through Discomfort

When Abji moved from IBM’s hardware to its services division, she felt lost in unfamiliar jargon and doubted her capacity. But instead of retreating, she used her Power Quotient to reframe panic into curiosity. Through intellectual humility—listening, learning, and asking questions—she transformed confusion into competence. “Growth happens one discomfort at a time,” she writes, echoing Ginni Rometty’s famous observation, “Growth and comfort do not coexist.”

Reframing Failure and Using Setbacks

Missing her first quarterly targets was crushing. Yet, Abji turned that experience into a success story by focusing on her learning. She instituted “learning reviews” after each deal to identify insights from both wins and losses—a concept similar to Agile retrospectives in modern business. Her reflection transformed missed milestones into catalysts for mastery. “You haven’t failed until you stop trying,” she emphasizes, a sentiment paralleling John Maxwell’s idea of “failing forward.”

Accelerators for Growth

Growth accelerates when you (1) seek feedback from mentors and peers, (2) pursue high-growth sectors, and (3) commit to lifelong learning. Abji’s mentee, Chinara Satkeeva, illustrated this by leaving finance for technology despite limited coding experience. Over time, her leap expanded her opportunities exponentially. Similarly, Abji argues that feedback—especially “hard truths”—is a gift, not criticism. Melissa Kilby’s story of receiving painful feedback (“Your leadership style is hurting people”) shows how humility converts discomfort into transformation.

The Rubber Band Rule

To manage stretching, Abji proposes the “rubber band rule”: stretch yourself to the point of tension but not breakage. Like a well-stretched band, growth should create productive strain, not overwhelm. With each stretch, competence expands. Intentional reflection—celebrating progress rather than perfection—ensures you keep moving toward transformational growth.

“The only guarantee that you will be better tomorrow,” Abji writes, “is if you experience growth today.”

Ultimately, growth isn’t optional for aspiring leaders—it’s the continuous process of becoming who your future roles demand. Each stretch, failure, and feedback loop transforms you from contributor to changemaker.

In her sixth strategy, Intentional Relationships, Abji states that no one rises alone. Quoting Alex Haley, she reminds us: “When you see a turtle on a fence post, you know it had some help getting there.” Success, she argues, depends on relationships—with bosses, peers, mentors, and sponsors—that are intentionally nurtured. These relationships operate as your professional ecosystem, shaping both performance and growth.

The Boss Relationship: Partnership, Not Popularity

Your immediate boss, Abji insists, is the single most influential relationship in your career. Rather than striving to please or befriend them, focus on mutual success. Understand their priorities, deliver outcomes they value, and build trust through transparency. She compares this dynamic to coaching partnerships—collaborative rather than hierarchical. When her mentee reframed a difficult supervisor’s “tough assignments” as trust, she turned struggle into growth and earned promotion. The mental model you form of your boss determines the quality of your collaboration.

Peers, Mentors, and Sponsors

Peers provide daily support and shared learning; mentors offer wisdom and perspective; sponsors advocate for your advancement. Abji elaborates on four mentor types—long-term, short-term, personal, and connector—each serving distinct roles. Mentorship, she emphasizes, must be earned through engagement and respect for time. These relationships are not one-way help but mutual growth partnerships.

The Power of Sponsorship

Sponsors are high-level advocates who put their credibility on the line to propel you forward. Abji recounts how two senior executives, Susan Whitney and Rodney Adkins, became her sponsors through years of demonstrated excellence. Whitney’s mentorship and Adkins’s advocacy were instrumental in her executive promotions. “Every woman who has reached high leadership,” she writes, “has had a sponsor.” Sponsorship transforms quiet competence into visible leadership.

Connection Through Vulnerability and Reciprocity

Jennifer DaSilva’s story of founding Connect4Women captures Abji’s philosophy: genuine connection arises from vulnerability and reciprocity. By dropping perfection masks and sharing struggles, women find common strength. “Relationships,” Abji concludes, “are how you rise—and how you lift others as you rise.”

When you intentionally build relationships grounded in respect, care, and collaboration, success becomes a collective achievement rather than a solitary climb.

Intentional relationships turn networks into lifelines, transforming workplaces from competitive arenas into shared leadership communities.

Your Intentional Leadership Branding—Abji’s seventh strategy—is about consciously shaping how you’re known. Your reputation precedes you into every room, whether for hiring, collaboration, or promotion. Abji defines your leadership brand as the combination of business expertise, personal attributes, and values consistently demonstrated through behavior. The goal is authenticity, not performance. “Your brand must be you, just the best version of you,” she writes.

From Personal Brand to Leadership Brand

Abji likens developing your brand to corporate branding: you must define a clear purpose and value proposition. For her, that meant evolving from “sales expert” to “sales leader.” Initially, she unknowingly undermined her team by dominating client meetings—a leftover behavior from her individual contributor days. Once she recognized the disconnect, she consciously changed, even writing “Don’t take over” on her palm as a reminder during meetings. This deliberate self-management transformed her reputation among peers and restored trust.

Authenticity and Consistency

True branding, Abji emphasizes, arises from authentic consistency, not curated perfection. Leaders must be transparent, respectful, and caring, even under pressure. When life crises or biases threaten your composure, use your Power Quotient to respond calmly; reacting negatively can damage years of credibility. Sustaining your brand means recovering quickly when misalignment occurs and evolving as circumstances change.

Integrity as the Core of Leadership

Abji highlights Gwendolyn Sykes, CFO of the U.S. Secret Service and NASA, whose leadership brand centers on integrity. Sykes’s commitment to doing what’s right—even confronting a brigadier general or defending Senator Ted Stevens—made her sought after across institutions. “Integrity,” she told her teams, “can never be for sale.” Her story illustrates how a strong brand transcends workplaces and time.

Leadership branding isn’t about being known—it’s about being known for something that inspires trust, respect, and followership.

Your brand becomes your legacy—a reflection of who you are under pressure, how you nurture others, and what values you represent. Build it intentionally, protect it fiercely, and evolve it continually.

In her final strategy, Intentional Promotion, Abji demystifies advancement. Promotions, she argues, aren’t random rewards—they’re earned through preparation, advocacy, and discipline. For women, particularly, navigating systemic bias and self-doubt means treating every day as an interview for your next role. “Opportunity meets preparation,” she writes, “and preparation starts long before the job opens.”

Mindset and Preparation

Abji’s own path mirrors this principle. After 11 years of performance excellence at IBM, she knew she deserved promotion but didn’t wait passively. She initiated conversations with her boss and mentors, asked what criteria she needed to meet, and behaved as if already in the role. When the opening arrived, she was the obvious choice. By exceeding expectations consistently, she proved readiness beyond doubt. This proactive approach echoes Herminia Ibarra’s idea of “acting like a leader before being one” (Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader).

Handling Bias and Life Pivots

Women, Abji notes, face added complexities—biases, limited opportunities, and life pivots such as motherhood or caregiving. Her story of temporarily leaving IBM for family reasons, then returning as vice president, underscores that detours don’t mean derailment. “Pivot, don’t quit,” she advises. When personal priorities shift, maintain readiness so you can re-enter stronger than before. Success is not linear but cumulative.

Steps to Promotion

She outlines a four-step plan: (1) master the first seven strategies, (2) demonstrate leadership skills visibly, (3) share ambitions widely, and (4) engage mentors and sponsors. When opportunities arise, advocate for yourself with confidence and gratitude. Her mentee Erica Qualls-Battey—now Marriott’s area general manager—did exactly that, moving from answering phones to leading one of Marriott’s largest hotels. Her motto: “You get noticed by making a difference.” Like Qualls-Battey, women must articulate aspirations and show visible excellence.

Leadership as Legacy

Promotion, Abji concludes, is not only about personal success—it’s about representation. Every woman climbing a rung repairs the broken ladder beneath her. Once promoted, she challenges readers to mentor and sponsor others, echoing Michelle Obama’s call to “reach back and give other folks the same chances.”

“Your promotion isn’t just for you,” Abji writes. “It’s for all the women who will come after you.”

Intentional Promotion transforms ambition into collective advancement. Each woman who rises, shows her worth, and lifts others contributes to broader gender parity in leadership. It’s leadership with legacy.