Seek

When was the last time you asked a question that truly changed how you see another person—or yourself? In Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, Scott Shigeoka argues that curiosity is not just a personality trait or intellectual quirk—it’s a profound human capacity that, when deepened, can heal divisions, mend relationships, and guide personal growth. Shigeoka contends that our modern culture suffers from what he calls an “era of incuriosity,” a widespread reluctance to engage meaningfully with others across differences. The antidote, he insists, is deep curiosity—a way of seeking understanding that goes beyond gathering information to create true connection and transformation.

As a researcher, professor, and self-described “spiritually queer Asian American from Hawai‘i,” Shigeoka brings academic rigor and lived experience into his exploration. His own road trip across politically divided America—visiting small towns, faith communities, and even Trump rallies—serves as a narrative backbone for understanding how curiosity can disarm fear and build bridges. Along the way, he translates five years of research with the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley into an actionable model for practicing curiosity in everyday life.

The Era of Incuriosity

Shigeoka warns that we live in a time when judgment has replaced genuine inquiry. Friendships fracture over politics, families avoid hard conversations, and social media rewards outrage rather than understanding. This widespread incuriosity, he notes, is not only eroding democratic societies but is also physically and emotionally harmful: research shows it can shorten lifespans and contribute to loneliness, anxiety, and stress. Incuriosity leads to polarization, while deep curiosity—rooted in compassion and openness—can reverse these effects by fostering empathy and resilience.

Shallow vs. Deep Curiosity

According to Shigeoka, our culture has confused curiosity with information-seeking. Most people exhibit what he calls shallow curiosity—the desire to collect facts or satisfy simple wonder, like Googling the population of Iceland or identifying the dog breed you saw on your walk. In contrast, deep curiosity invites transformation. It asks questions that open hearts and relationships, like “What values guide your decisions?” or “What makes you come alive?” Deep curiosity is not about being right—it’s about being real. It leads us to see others in their full humanity and to confront our own biases, fears, and emotional wounds.

The DIVE Model: A Framework for Practicing Curiosity

Shigeoka organizes the practices of deep curiosity into the DIVE Model, an easy-to-remember structure designed to help you “exercise” your curiosity muscles every day:

• Detach – Let go of your ABCs: assumptions, biases, and certainty. Empty your mental cup so new perspectives can flow in.
• Intend – Approach curiosity with purpose by setting your mindset and physical environment for success.
• Value – See the dignity in every person, including yourself. Recognize the inherent worth of each individual.
• Embrace – Welcome discomfort and uncertainty. Growth requires courage and emotional honesty.

Each element is both distinct and interconnected, forming a cycle that, when practiced, leads to personal transformation and deeper relationships. The DIVE model is the book’s practical heart, a road map that bridges Shigeoka’s philosophical insights with everyday application.

Curiosity’s Biological and Social Power

Drawing from neuroscience, Shigeoka reminds us that curiosity is not just learned behavior—it’s biologically wired into us for survival. Dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical, is triggered when we explore new ideas or possibilities. This means curiosity literally feels good, reinforcing exploration and learning from childhood to old age. Yet modern life often suppresses this instinct through fear, division, and overwork. In what psychologist Jean Piaget once called a “drive state,” curiosity evolved as essential for human adaptation—helping our ancestors survive, learn, and communicate. By reclaiming it consciously, we can heal our fragmented modern world.

Why Deep Curiosity Matters Now

With rising polarization, loneliness, and burnout, deep curiosity is a radical act. It requires humility in a culture obsessed with certainty and empathy in a world preoccupied with winning. It asks us to replace “What do you believe?” with “What experiences led you to believe that?” and to approach even our opponents with authentic listening. Whether bridging political divides, reviving marriages, or managing teams, Shigeoka shows that deep curiosity doesn’t make us softer—it makes us stronger, wiser, and more human. As he quotes Rumi, “What you seek is with you.” Curiosity, he suggests, is not about searching outward for answers but inward and beyond for connection.

“Curiosity is a superpower hiding in plain sight.”

Scott Shigeoka’s central message is both urgent and hopeful: when directed deeply, curiosity can change lives and even reshape societies. To reconnect—to ourselves, to others, and to what’s beyond—we must learn to seek with openness instead of judgment, empathy instead of ego, and courage instead of fear.

Curiosity is in your DNA. Shigeoka begins Part I of Seek with the story of the Polynesian voyagers—ancestors who navigated the vast Pacific Ocean by reading the stars and currents. Their intrepid spirit, he explains, was fueled by curiosity. It’s the same evolutionary engine that has driven human progress for millennia, from finding new food sources to decoding the mysteries of the cosmos.

A Biological Imperative

Neuroscience backs up what these ancient explorers already knew: curiosity is a natural mechanism for survival. When you’re curious, your brain releases dopamine—the same neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and motivation. Research shows that curiosity activates the brain’s reward circuits, creating the same kind of satisfaction you might get from a delicious meal or praise from a loved one. This chemical reinforcement explains why asking questions and exploring new ideas feels intrinsically good. In effect, evolution has built a feedback loop that rewards exploration.

The Engine of Learning

Beyond survival, curiosity fuels learning throughout life. Shigeoka draws on studies like those from the Babylab in the U.K., where infants demonstrate an innate drive to explore sounds, language, and movement. Psychologists describe children as “little scientists,” conducting experiments through play and discovery. Far from fading as we age, research reveals that curiosity can actually increase in adulthood, helping people stay mentally sharp, adaptive, and creative. The poet Rilke’s advice to “live the questions” takes on scientific weight here—staying curious is effectively mental exercise.

Three Directions of Curiosity

Shigeoka introduces the three cardinal directions of curiosity: inward, outward, and beyond. Inward curiosity focuses on self-understanding—your emotions, values, and memories. Outward curiosity explores the world and other people, bridging differences and deepening empathy. Finally, beyond curiosity reaches toward meaning, spirituality, and connection to something larger than yourself. True seekers, he argues, practice curiosity in all three directions, creating balance and wholeness in their lives.

From Survival to Significance

Curiosity once helped us survive; now it helps us find significance. In a time of emotional isolation and ideological rigidity, exploring inward, outward, and beyond reconnects us to empathy and purpose. “Curiosity,” Shigeoka writes, “is our partner in life that never leaves our side.” Whether you’re a scientist, parent, or artist, the instinct to ask “Why?” and “What if?” still drives our greatest acts of creativity and compassion.

When Scott Shigeoka attended a Trump rally, he expected animosity. Instead, his curiosity opened unexpected doors. He met an optometrist who volunteered abroad and advocated for equal rights, and he saw the complexity behind political divides. That experience exemplified deep curiosity—a phenomenon he defines as “a search for understanding that leads to connection and transformation.”

The Spectrum of Curiosity

Curiosity exists on a spectrum from shallow to deep. Shallow curiosity keeps things safe and surface-level—it gathers trivia or small talk. Deep curiosity ventures into vulnerability, uncertainty, and emotional truth. For example, asking “What do you do?” is shallow curiosity, while asking “What makes you come alive?” invites reflection and empathy. Shigeoka insists that one isn’t bad and the other good; both are essential. Shallow curiosity is the tide pool that helps you wade into the ocean of deeper understanding.

Predatory Curiosity

Importantly, not all curiosity is benign. Shigeoka warns against predatory curiosity—when we use questions to trap, shame, or convert others rather than to understand them. It’s curiosity with an agenda. Whether in political debates or family arguments, predatory curiosity breaks trust. True deep curiosity, on the other hand, demands presence without persuasion. It’s grounded in empathy and mutuality. As researcher Todd Kashdan notes (in Curious?), genuine curiosity forms a “spiral of give and take” that deepens intimacy through reciprocal understanding.

Loving and Living the Questions

Quoting Rainer Maria Rilke—“Live the questions”—Shigeoka urges readers to build lives guided by wonder rather than certainty. To love the questions means to approach them with compassion and enthusiasm; to live them means immersing yourself in experience, letting curiosity reshape how you see yourself and others. This philosophy turns conversations into relationships and interactions into healing moments. When curiosity replaces judgment, understanding becomes possible even across the widest divides.

Even the most curious people hit walls. Shigeoka identifies four major obstacles—what he calls “speed bumps”—that slow or derail our pursuit of deep curiosity: fear, trauma, time, and distance. Recognizing and navigating these barriers allows curiosity to flourish more fully.

Fear

Fear is curiosity’s oldest enemy—yet also its teacher. Our brains conflate uncertainty with danger, triggering anxiety or avoidance. Shigeoka distinguishes between fear of failure, rejection, or conflict versus genuine threats. Sometimes the sensation of fear simply signals that growth is near. He advocates mindful breathing and reframing fear as information: “Fear is just excitement without a breath.”

Trauma

Trauma constricts curiosity by locking us in survival mode. Drawing on psychologist Kevin Becker’s work, Shigeoka explains that unresolved trauma causes fight, flight, or freeze responses, making exploration feel unsafe. Healing requires creating safety—through therapy, rest, or trusted relationships—before diving into deeper inquiry. “You can’t be curious in a war zone, even an emotional one,” he reminds us.

Time and Distance

Modern life leaves little room for reflection. Overwork and digital distraction create a “time famine,” draining the energy curiosity needs. Shigeoka encourages mindfulness and rest as resistance (echoing Tricia Hersey’s The Nap Ministry), ensuring that people and institutions alike reclaim time to wonder. Physical and social segregation—the “distance” barrier—also limits curiosity. Aging communities, political silos, and racial divides create isolation. Building intergenerational and cross-cultural spaces rekindles curiosity through human contact.

By identifying your speed bumps, you can slow down, breathe, and steer curiosity with more awareness—turning obstacles into openings for growth.

The first step in the DIVE framework is Detach—letting go of your ABCs: assumptions, biases, and certainty. Shigeoka compares this to the Zen parable of a teacher pouring tea into an already full cup. Unless you empty it, there’s no room for new understanding. Detaching doesn’t mean abandoning your beliefs—it means loosening your grip enough to truly listen.

Challenging Assumptions

Shigeoka’s “Back That Assumption Up” practice urges readers to pressure-test their beliefs by seeking evidence that disproves them. For instance, during his cross-country journey, he assumed Trump voters were uniformly racist and uneducated until firsthand conversations proved otherwise. Curiosity begins when you catch yourself making a mental shortcut and pause to ask, “What else could be true?”

Seeing Individuals, Not Categories

To challenge bias, Shigeoka offers the whimsical “Garden Salad Effect.” Instead of viewing people as indistinguishable ingredients in a “melting pot,” imagine them as unique vegetables in a salad—distinct yet harmonious. Research shows that individuating people reduces prejudice and fear. Asking playful questions (“Broccoli or carrots?”) can retrain your brain to see individuals instead of stereotypes.

Living in the Perhaps-ness

Finally, detaching from certainty means accepting what the Jain philosophy calls anekantavada, or “living in the perhaps-ness.” Embracing ambiguity allows you to be wrong, to learn, and to grow. Shigeoka’s “Become an Admitter” exercise encourages humility: say “Tell me more” when challenged. Admitting mistakes isn’t weakness—it’s intellectual courage. What emerges is a virtuous cycle of openness, humility, and connection.

Curiosity doesn’t just happen—it must be invited. The second step, Intend, is about designing your mindset and environment to support curiosity. Shigeoka borrows from psychonauts—the explorers of consciousness—who speak of “set and setting.” Just as a good psychedelic guide ensures safety and trust, seekers of deep curiosity must consciously prepare their inner and outer worlds.

Cultivating Mindset

Shigeoka advises you to “call in your brain’s bouncer”—the Reticular Activating System (RAS)—which filters attention. By consciously setting intentions (“Today I’ll lead with questions”), you signal your RAS to notice more opportunities for curiosity. He also recommends writing a “Powerful Questions List”—open-ended prompts like “What made your day meaningful?” or “How do you feel when you succeed?” These tools keep you curious even when the stakes are high.

Designing Setting

Your surroundings influence your state of mind. Shigeoka recounts workshops where participants found profound insights simply by walking barefoot in nature—a reminder that environment shapes awareness. He encourages creating a personal or group “Cabinet of Curiosity,” a collection of objects or images that evoke wonder. Small rituals, such as setting “curiosity commitments” in meetings or family dinners, foster intentional dialogue and trust.

Riding the Curiosity Wave

Like surfing, staying curious requires spotting the right wave. Choose contexts that stretch you but don’t drown you—spaces with diversity, safety, and challenge. When a wave of opportunity appears (a hard conversation, a new idea, a strange place), paddle toward it with courage. Preparation gives you the confidence to ride transformative experiences instead of resisting them.

The “V” of DIVE—Value—may be the heart of the model. To be deeply curious, you must see every person, including yourself, as worthy of dignity and understanding. To value is to humanize. Shigeoka opens this section with the harrowing story of John Jones, a survivor of Canada’s residential school system, illustrating how dehumanization—the opposite of valuing—leads to suffering on massive scales.

Valuing Yourself

Before you can honor others, you must honor your whole self—including what you’d rather hide. Shigeoka shares his struggle with internal voices that once demeaned him after a “bad acid trip.” By turning toward those voices with compassion instead of fear, he learned that even his pain held wisdom. His exercise “Converse with Your Inner Voices” teaches you to dialog with critical thoughts (“What are you trying to tell me?”) instead of suppressing them. Self-value begins with self-curiosity.

Valuing Others

To value others, Shigeoka invites us to “turn toward, not away.” Drawing from relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman, he explains that healthy couples respond to each other’s “bids for attention” (“How do I look?” “Did you see that bird?”). Acknowledging bids builds connection and trust, while ignoring them breeds resentment. This principle applies beyond romance—to colleagues, neighbors, and strangers. In interactions large and small, valuing someone means showing them they matter.

Getting Your Role Right

Shigeoka also draws on neuroscientist Emile Bruneau’s research on empathy across power differences: those with more privilege should listen more; those with less should be encouraged to share. Recognizing these dynamics prevents harmful “curiosity imbalances” where marginalized people are expected to educate others. True curiosity, he insists, requires justice as much as kindness.

The final practice, Embrace, is about confronting life’s “fire seasons” rather than fleeing them. Shigeoka illustrates this through the story of Lily Clarke, a Montana firefighter who learned to “be with fire” rather than fight it. Likewise, we must learn to stay present with pain, uncertainty, and loss, recognizing that transformation often hides in discomfort.

Get Grounded

When overwhelmed by crisis—bereavement, layoffs, heartbreak—our instinct is to panic or avoid. Shigeoka’s “Quicksanding” exercise teaches the opposite: when sinking, slow down. Take deep breaths, move deliberately, and stay in your body rather than spiraling in your mind. Slowing down restores stability and mindfulness, enabling you to see possibility amid chaos.

Cultivate Courage

Courage and curiosity are intertwined. Shigeoka offers two rituals for strengthening this muscle: writing Vows of Courage (commitments to self-care and honesty during change) and becoming a Courage Doula—an idea inspired by death doula Alua Arthur, who listens without judgment to the dying. Like Arthur accompanying mortality, you can accompany your own endings and rebirths—with compassion rather than control. Embracing hardship transforms it into wisdom.

Embrace Your Inner Mushroom

Finally, Shigeoka invites you to “embrace your inner mushroom.” After a wildfire, fire morels bloom from the ashes—symbols of renewal. Likewise, when you welcome life’s fires instead of denying them, you allow new growth to emerge. “Embracing doesn’t change what’s happening to you,” he writes. “It changes you.”

Can curiosity ever go too far? In Part III, Shigeoka explores boundaries and expansion—how to practice curiosity responsibly and share it with others. Like his teenage cliff dive in Hawai‘i, you must know when and how to jump. He introduces three questions to assess readiness: Am I the right person? Is this the right time? and Do I know when to stop or slow down?

Knowing Your Limits

You might not be the right person to engage someone whose beliefs or traumas trigger harm for you. You may need rest or distance. Consent, timing, and emotional capacity all matter. Shigeoka reminds readers that curiosity must never supersede safety or respect. Even noble intentions can backfire if trust isn’t present. Like driving, you must obey red (stop), yellow (slow down), and green (go) lights for deep connection to thrive.

Curiosity Is Contagious

Ultimately, curiosity spreads. Using the “chameleon effect,” Shigeoka explains how people mirror the behaviors around them. One person’s openness can ripple through families, workplaces, and communities. He encourages readers to articulate curiosity as a value, embrace curiosity as an identity (imagine a world where “coming out as curious” is celebrated), and bring curiosity into existing spaces—homes, schools, online platforms. When practiced authentically, curiosity becomes cultural oxygen.

In a nod to John F. Kennedy’s 1962 “moon shot” speech, Shigeoka closes by urging each of us to take our own leap—because choosing curiosity, like going to the moon, is hard but necessary. “The opposite of fear isn’t hope,” he writes. “It’s curiosity.”