Relationships at Work

What if improving your success at work and satisfaction in life had less to do with fixing others—and more to do with transforming yourself? That’s the central premise of Todd Davis’s Get Better: 15 Proven Practices to Build Effective Relationships at Work. Davis, Chief People Officer at FranklinCovey, argues that the key to stronger organizations, better leadership, and deeper personal fulfillment is enhancing the quality of our relationships. And the surprising twist? That improvement begins from the inside out.

Davis contends that while many people focus on systems, processes, or strategies, the truth is that “relationships are the culture.” Cultures succeed or fail because of the nature of the interactions between people—not simply because of the people themselves. Drawing on decades of experience in leadership and human development, as well as FranklinCovey’s foundational insights from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The Speed of Trust, Davis distills fifteen practical ways to strengthen effectiveness by improving how we see, think, and act toward others.

The Room You Keep Walking Into

The book opens with a striking metaphor borrowed from Jean-Paul Sartre’s play No Exit: people stuck in a room they cannot leave, driving each other crazy. Davis uses this story to illustrate what professional “hell” looks like when relationships sour—where blame, frustration, and disconnection isolate us. The tempting solution is to escape—to change the situation, team, or company. But the author flips the script. Even if you leave, you risk re-creating the same room elsewhere, because the core problem isn’t the people around you—it’s your unexamined paradigms, assumptions, and behaviors.

The only real exit, Davis insists, is self-awareness—seeing how your mindset shapes every interaction. Echoing Stephen R. Covey’s insight that “all meaningful change comes from the inside out,” Davis invites readers to rethink their lenses, assumptions, and reactions in order to transform how they engage and influence others.

Why Relationships Are the Ultimate Advantage

Citing research like the Harvard Grant Study and Google’s internal “Project Aristotle,” Davis affirms that high-quality relationships don’t just make us happier—they’re the differentiator for thriving teams and cultures. These studies found that trust, respect, and meaningful connection are more predictive of success than intelligence or technical expertise. That’s why Davis says people are not a company’s greatest asset—the relationships between people are.

Great leaders, therefore, don’t merely manage work—they nurture trust, encourage openness, and model accountability. When working relationships are strong, innovation accelerates, trust reduces friction, and engagement soars. When they break down, resolution stalls, stress multiplies, and productivity implodes. The path to getting better at work begins with getting better at relationships—and the path to better relationships begins with you.

Fifteen Practices That Transform Relationships

Across fifteen practices structured as interwoven stories, Davis covers essential lessons—from adopting better “glasses” that correct flawed perceptions, to balancing courage and consideration in communication, to mastering the art of trust and humility. Each practice combines relatable leadership anecdotes with actionable “Get Better” applications at the end of every chapter, inviting readers not just to understand but to embody these habits.

Among the most powerful ideas are the importance of taking responsibility for your state of mind (“Carry Your Own Weather”), behaving your way into credibility rather than talking your way out of problems (“Behave Your Way to Credibility”), and learning to see people’s potential rather than their present limitations (“See the Tree, Not Just the Seedling”). Throughout, Davis shows how emotional maturity—owning your reactions, adjusting your perspective, and focusing on contribution—creates trust and influence.

From Sartre’s Hell to Real-world Heaven

The book is both philosophical and deeply practical. From front-line employees to executive leaders, Davis walks readers through how to apply each practice in the daily struggles of real workplaces—missed deadlines, team frustration, misunderstandings, ego-driven clashes, and moments of vulnerability. Whether you’re a CEO or an entry-level employee, the question isn’t how to change others, but how to shift yourself so the “room” you’re in becomes more peaceful, productive, and purposeful.

Ultimately, Get Better argues that everything gets better when our relationships do. When you change your perception, you change your behavior; when you change your behavior, you change results; and when results change, so does culture. From that foundation, Davis explores fifteen interconnected keys—ranging from paradigms to emotional intelligence to humility—that collectively build a more collaborative, trustworthy, and fulfilling world of work.

In the first practice, Todd Davis introduces one of the most enduring metaphors of personal growth: the importance of changing your “glasses.” Just as poor lenses distort vision, faulty paradigms distort how you interpret people and situations. When you believe your perspective is the full truth, you miss details that could transform both understanding and results.

Changing the Lens Changes Everything

Davis shares the story of Jon, a leader frustrated with his colleague Isabel. He labeled himself as “not a people person,” building a self-fulfilling belief that limited his relationships and effectiveness. By challenging this assumption—questioning his own “glasses”—Jon began to see that the problem wasn’t Isabel or his personality type but his perspective. Once he shifted to view himself as capable of constructive conversation, his connection and outcomes improved.

Drawing from his daughter Sydney’s journey training for a marathon, Davis illustrates how changing one’s view of others releases potential. He admits initially seeing his daughter as fragile because of her hearing loss. Only when he began viewing her as strong and capable did Sydney realize her own power—and together they crossed the finish line. The story echoes Dr. Stephen Covey’s concept of paradigm shifts: meaningful breakthroughs come not from small behavioral changes but from transforming how we see ourselves and others.

Seeing the World Accurately

Our paradigms shape what we think (“she’s too slow”), feel (frustration), and do (avoid coaching)—creating the results we experience. Old assumptions like “I can’t change,” “people never change,” or “the world is against me” act as scratched lenses keeping us in Sartre’s metaphorical hell. Changing one lens alters thought, emotion, and behavior cascades.

“All significant breakthroughs,” physicist Thomas Kuhn wrote, “are break-withs old ways of thinking.”

This insight underpins the practice: breakthroughs in relationships often start with replacing judgment with curiosity and blame with understanding. By changing our view of others—from incompetent to learning, from stubborn to strong-willed—we alter the entire dynamic.

Getting the Glasses Right

To find “glasses that work,” Davis suggests identifying a strained relationship, listing your beliefs about what’s wrong, and separating facts from opinions. Often, the facts are few; the rest are subjective views masquerading as truth. By reconsidering these opinions, you open space for empathy and new action. His example: instead of labeling a defensive team member as arrogant, see her as insecure and eager to prove herself; then respond with support rather than criticism. This small mental shift changes outcomes dramatically.

The practice ends with a reminder of humility. Davis quotes an inscription once found in Westminster Abbey: a bishop realizing at life’s end that changing the world begins with changing oneself. That’s the essence of this first and foundational practice—true clarity doesn’t come from fixing the world, but from finally cleaning your own lenses.

Ever feel like other people or situations dictate your mood? In the second practice, Davis teaches that emotional maturity comes from creating your own internal climate—no matter what storms rage outside. This skill of self-regulation and ownership transforms victims into empowered leaders.

Choosing Your Response

Drawing on Viktor Frankl, Davis reminds us that between stimulus and response lies a space—our power to choose how we react. He tells of a friend who fired a well-liked employee without conversation, reacting out of anger and loyalty rather than aligning with his long-term values as a mentor. Only later, reflecting on his legacy, did the friend realize he had failed to “pause” before reacting. Emotional control means creating space between the event and your reply.

In another example, Davis contrasts two professors caught in a rainstorm: one sulked through his drenched commute, while another joked about being short enough that the rain took longer to reach him. Both faced the same weather, but only one carried his own sunshine. These small choices define reputations and results.

The Freedom to Be Proactive

When you don’t carry your own weather, life “happens to you.” You blame bosses, market conditions, or irritating coworkers for your frustration. Davis admits he once fell into victim thinking after discovering a new hire earning a higher salary than himself. His father challenged his outrage with a simple question: “What could you do to qualify for the higher pay?” That shift—from resentment to ownership—sparked his growth as a recruiter and eventually a leader. By focusing on what you can influence, you reclaim energy otherwise wasted on complaint.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.” —Viktor Frankl

This principle applies equally to corporate crises and daily irritations. Whether facing delays, criticism, or even major illness—as in the story of Davis’s colleague Aaron maintaining gratitude through brain-tumor recovery—our ability to act from choice rather than reaction defines our character.

Living Above the Line

To carry your own weather, Davis suggests focusing on values and purpose—the things within your control—while releasing what you can’t change. Practically, that means pausing before reacting, seeking understanding, or writing an unsent letter to vent emotions safely. This isn’t emotional avoidance—it’s emotional responsibility.

As Davis summarizes, maturity means aligning behavior with values rather than moods. Leaders who carry their own weather stabilize their teams. Parents who model it nurture resilience. And individuals who master it stop waiting for “better days” because they bring the weather with them.

In practice three, Davis dismantles a common myth: that people will trust you based on your words or intentions. In reality, credibility comes not from talk but from consistent behavior. As the saying goes, you can’t talk your way out of something you behaved yourself into.

Character and Competence

Drawing on Stephen M.R. Covey’s The Speed of Trust, Davis defines credibility as a blend of character (integrity and intent) and competence (capabilities and results). Without both, trust collapses. For instance, a kind parachute packer with no training still endangers lives; a skilled one with no integrity is equally untrustworthy.

Through memorable stories, Davis illustrates both halves. As a young manager, he once lost an important contract and hid the error for weeks until he found it lodged in his own desk. Admitting the mistake felt humiliating—but his honesty earned his boss’s respect. That experience taught him that character isn’t about never erring; it’s about taking accountability when you do.

Competence Through Continuous Learning

He contrasts this with colleagues who allowed competence to stagnate. Craig, a likable employee who relied on relationships rather than sharpening his expertise, eventually lost credibility as clients favored knowledge over charm. By contrast, another colleague, Malee, a timid factory worker, intentionally developed speaking and process-improvement skills. Her idea later saved the company $65,000 annually. Her credibility was earned through growth.

Long-term View and Adaptability

Credibility doesn’t happen overnight—it compounds through consistency. Davis recounts meeting regularly with his CEO about every hire, initially seeing it as micromanagement until realizing it was about care and diligence. Over time, his reliability built trust and autonomy. Once earned, credibility becomes permission to lead.

Finally, credibility requires adaptability. Behaviors that built trust with one superior may erode it with another who values independence. Leaders must adjust their approach to match circumstances, balancing confidence with empathy. Davis describes a star salesperson passed over for promotion because she alienated peers; competence alone wasn’t enough. Credibility grows when you value collaboration as much as results.

The takeaway? You don’t “own” credibility—you lease it daily. Every decision either makes a deposit or withdrawal. People trust actions that match words, behaviors anchored in integrity, and an attitude of continuous improvement. To be trusted, behave in ways that make trust reasonable.

The fourth practice explores balance, authenticity, and purpose through the metaphor of playing life’s roles. We each occupy dozens: parent, leader, friend, colleague, volunteer. Davis argues that fulfillment—and credibility—depend on performing those roles intentionally, not reactively.

Reclaiming the Right Roles

Using real stories, Davis shows how we often mismanage roles. Rachel, a single mother crushed by debt, overworked herself to repay obligations, only to hear her daughter’s devastating line: “It doesn’t matter when you come home, you’re never really here.” Like an actor lost in one scene, Rachel had overplayed the provider role at the expense of motherhood. Her revelation led her to rebalance—later involving her daughters in her work and turning long hours into connection.

The lesson: you can’t play every role equally, but you can decide which deserve focus now. Davis likens it to an air-traffic controller landing planes—only one at a time receives full attention. Similarly, juggling too many roles creates mediocrity everywhere.

Defining Contribution, Not Tasks

True roles aren’t checklists of to-dos; they’re expressions of values—the “to-be” behind every “to-do.” To clarify purpose, Davis suggests writing a contribution statement for each role, similar to a mission statement: “As a leader, I develop others”; “As a friend, I listen without judgment.” These declarations help you measure success less by tasks completed and more by character demonstrated.

Authenticity and Reminders

Davis recounts meeting a corporate executive who carried an orange notebook and phone case—symbols of his daughter’s favorite color—to remind him of his father role even in high-pressure meetings. Such tangible cues, like Rachel’s later choice to work alongside her daughters, serve as compasses to stay centered in what matters most.

You play your roles well when deeds match values and presence matches intention. Balance isn’t about doing everything—it’s about showing up wholeheartedly in what’s essential right now.

In one of the book’s most practical chapters, Davis warns against the “pinball syndrome”—a life of constant reaction where urgencies bounce you around until you’re drained. You end days busy but unfulfilled, exhausted but ineffective. It’s a familiar modern epidemic.

Urgent vs. Important

Davis compares this trap to a frantic commuter racing from light to light or airline pilots who fixate on a broken landing-gear bulb while their plane quietly descends to disaster. In work and life, obsessing over immediate tasks (“urgent”) blinds us to enduring priorities (“important”)—values, relationships, and strategy.

Melissa, a high-performing manager, exemplifies this trap. She constantly canceled meetings with her team to chase end-of-quarter fires, unaware that morale was collapsing. When confronted, she realized that her urgent to-dos had replaced leadership itself. By scheduling immovable blocks for her team and preemptively preparing for crises, she reclaimed engagement and trust.

Focusing on High-Leverage Inputs

Avoiding pinball syndrome requires choosing your “big rocks” first—deciding weekly which actions yield lasting value. Davis illustrates this with his own embarrassing story of a whiteboard list of culture initiatives left untouched for three years until the ink literally became permanent. The visual reminder taught him that important things don’t expire; they wait for us to choose them over distractions.

Reclaiming Control

Practical strategies include time-blocking, reflecting daily on what worked, and scripting responses to interruptions (“I only have one minute—let’s book time to do this right”). These small disciplines create boundaries so important work doesn’t vanish under busy work.

The greatest measure of success, Davis concludes, isn’t how many lights you race through but how peacefully you arrive. Life improves when you stop being the pinball—and start being the player.

Practice seven tackles one of the workplace’s biggest relational challenges: competition. Davis argues that moving from independence (“I”) to interdependence (“we”) transforms relationships from transactional to collaborative. It’s about replacing ego with synergy.

From Scarcity to Abundance

Human environments often celebrate “win-lose” thinking—believing your success comes at someone else’s expense. Davis’s story of Lewis, a manager envious of a subordinate who earned more money, highlights this mindset. Instead of celebrating her performance, he felt diminished by it, missing how her success expanded the whole team’s results. By reframing from scarcity (“there’s only one pie”) to abundance (“the pie can grow”), leaders cultivate collective wins.

(This echoes Stephen Covey’s habit “Think Win-Win” and Carol Dweck’s “Growth Mindset,” both emphasizing that collaboration multiplies outcomes rather than divides them.)

Balancing Courage and Consideration

High-impact relationships rely on both courage (speaking truth respectfully) and consideration (listening with empathy). Too much courage without empathy becomes bulldozing; too much empathy without courage becomes martyrdom. Real collaboration demands both. Davis shares instances of overly aggressive managers (“lone geniuses”) and overly deferential ones (perpetual pleasers). The art lies in marrying assertiveness with respect—creating space for others while standing for your own needs.

Building Interdependence

People mature through phases of dependence (“you take care of me”), independence (“I can do this”), and interdependence (“together we can do more”). Leaders who plateau at independence often limit team performance. Interdependent thinkers share credit, exchange feedback, and value diverse minds. Lewis, eventually realizing his teammate’s earnings reflected his mentorship success, shifted from resentment to pride—and his unit flourished.

Leadership, Davis reminds us, isn’t about being the star—it’s about conducting the orchestra. The music only works when everyone plays.

In relationships, trust functions like currency, and every interaction makes a deposit or withdrawal. In practice eight, Davis revitalizes Stephen Covey’s famous idea of the “Emotional Bank Account” (EBA), showing how trust is built—or depleted—through daily choices.

Deposits vs. Withdrawals

Davis opens with a disappointing call from an old colleague who, after polite small talk, asked for a favor. The request revealed that the friend’s motive wasn’t reconnection but transaction. In one moment, an emotional deposit became a withdrawal. EBA balances rise when we offer loyalty, empathy, honesty, or apology; they shrink when we break promises, gossip, or act self-servingly.

Know Their Currency

Not all deposits count equally for every person. For one, praise feels rich; for another, acts of service matter more. Misunderstood currency creates accidental withdrawals—like a sister who offers skiing advice when empathy is needed. Davis even confesses a humorous “counterfeit deposit” from his marriage: his wife baked a pineapple cake for fifteen straight years believing it was his favorite because he once politely complimented it. Genuine deposits require communicating and respecting each person’s true currency.

Small, Consistent Deposits

Trust grows not from grand gestures but from steady integrity. Davis highlights Maisie, the small-town Kansan who spent thirty years collecting tin cans to fund a community pool—embodying how tiny, faithful actions create lasting goodwill. Similarly, one sincere apology or humble admission can rebuild decades of connection.

The real test of maturity, Davis writes, is whether others feel “safe” around you—that they can rely on your intentions and consistency. If relationships are your wealth, then deposits of kindness, honesty, and understanding make you truly rich.

The final practice circles back to the foundation of all others: humility. After hundreds of pages on behavior and trust, Davis ends with a paradox—real effectiveness begins not with confidence but with modesty. Humility, he insists, is the root of every great relationship and leader.

Humility as Strength

“Humility isn’t weakness,” Davis writes, echoing Augustine: it’s strength under control. Humble people have secure identities—they aren’t obsessed with proving themselves, so they can focus on others. They listen more, deflect praise, admit mistakes, and stay curious. Davis notes that humility is like salt: it enhances every other virtue, from empathy to courage.

Research supports this view. Studies show that humble individuals handle failure better, maintain self-esteem under pressure, and excel at collaboration. In business, Jim Collins’s Good to Great found that humility paired with fierce professional will defined the very best leaders. Humility fuels innovation because it allows failure, curiosity, and shared success.

Practicing Everyday Humility

Davis recounts the story of Paige, a leader who regularly credited others, never sought attention, and rolled up her sleeves to help late-working employees. Her quiet example outperformed peers who self-promoted aggressively and alienated teams. Conversely, the egotistical “lone genius” he once worked with became infamous for taking credit and was repeatedly overlooked for advancement—a warning against confusing pride with influence.

Davis’s own twist shows humility in action: he originally wanted to write a leadership book titled Lead With Humility—until discovering Pope Francis had already written it. His decision to pivot to Get Better reaffirmed his belief that authenticity matters more than ego-driven ambition.

The Continuous Journey

True humility grounds the entire “Get Better” process. It keeps you teachable enough to wear better glasses, steady enough to carry your own weather, and courageous enough to solicit truth. Davis closes by urging readers to take one practice each week and apply it to a specific relationship, using humility as the starting point for every action and interpretation.

If Sartre’s vision was that “hell is other people,” Davis inverts it: heaven is choosing to get better with them. And humility—the art of thinking of yourself less so you can truly see others more—is the door that leads there.