Power Questions

Have you ever noticed that the most memorable conversations often begin with a great question? In Power Questions by Andrew Sobel and Jerold Panas, the authors argue that the most powerful tool in building lasting relationships and winning trust is not a clever answer—it’s a thoughtful question. Whether you’re in sales, consulting, leadership, or simply looking to connect more meaningfully with others, this book shows that questions can break barriers, uncover needs, and deepen connections faster than any pitch or presentation ever could.

Sobel and Panas contend that being an effective questioner shifts your role from a vendor to a trusted advisor—from someone who sells to someone who helps others think. Their central claim is that questions have the ability to transform both personal and professional relationships by engaging people’s emotions, illuminating values, and revealing what truly matters to them. Asking the right question at the right time can alter the entire trajectory of a conversation and open opportunities that weren’t visible before.

Why Questions Trump Answers

The book opens with a vivid story: Sobel once attended a corporate retreat where executives peppered a CEO with dry, backward-looking questions about forecasts and reorganization plans. Then Sobel asked just one: “What are you personally most excited about in the next year?” That simple, genuine question shifted the entire energy in the room. The CEO lit up, stood tall, and shared an inspiring vision. A relationship began that day—not through data, but through curiosity. The lesson is clear: powerful questions focus on the future, on purpose, and on the person, rather than the process.

Throughout the book, the authors show that asking authentic, human questions helps others reflect, clarify their priorities, and feel heard. As Dale Carnegie taught decades ago in How to Win Friends and Influence People, being genuinely interested in others is more persuasive than any display of intelligence. Power questions extend this idea—they don’t just show interest; they reveal insight and empathy.

Nine Strategies for Building Clients for Life

The book is structured around nine strategies that use questions to cultivate enduring professional relationships. These include picking the right clients, investing to grow, understanding clients as people, building relationships at the top, engaging in joint planning, using crises as opportunities, adding value, multiplying connections, and assessing the health of your relationships. Each strategy comes with targeted, open-ended questions designed to illuminate what clients care about most and how you can help them succeed. Sobel’s approach builds on his decades of consulting with firms like Deloitte and Citigroup—grounding theory in lived experience.

For instance, rather than asking a CEO “What’s your company’s growth rate?” Sobel suggests asking, “What new opportunities excite you most right now?” Rather than asking a dissatisfied client “What went wrong?” you might ask, “From your perspective, what could we have done differently to earn your full confidence?” These subtle but powerful shifts invite reflection and signal respect. They create dialogue instead of defense.

Beyond Business: The Human Element

Underneath the book’s business focus lies a universal truth: relationships flourish when people feel seen and understood. The authors emphasize that you don’t need to become friends with every client, but you must connect personally—understanding their drivers, values, and aspirations. This echoes Stephen Covey’s idea in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that “seeking first to understand” is foundational to trust. Questions, when asked with genuine curiosity, demonstrate humility and respect—the twin pillars of enduring connection.

Why This Book Matters

In a world where busyness and self-promotion dominate, Power Questions is a refreshing reminder that influence starts with curiosity. Sobel and Panas provide a road map for anyone who wants to move from transactional conversations to transformative ones. This isn’t just another manual on sales tactics—it’s a manifesto for better communication, stronger empathy, and smarter leadership. The power of a question lies not in the information it gathers, but in the relationship it builds.

“A power question shifts the focus from what you want to say to what the other person needs to express. It opens hearts and minds. It can change everything.”

By the end of the book, you realize that great relationships—whether with clients, colleagues, or loved ones—aren’t built on perfect answers but on meaningful conversations. And those conversations always begin with a question.

Sobel’s first strategic insight is simple but vital: not every client relationship is worth pursuing. As Niccolò Machiavelli wrote in The Prince, “A prince who is not himself wise can never be well-advised.” Sobel modernizes this wisdom: a client who is not respectful, open, or aligned with your values will never become a long-term partner. Asking questions up front helps you avoid the clients who drain your energy and focus on those who empower your growth.

The Four Rs: Right Client, Issue, Executive, and Value

Sobel presents a diagnostic framework built on four questions—each clarifying whether a potential relationship is worth investing in. First, Is this the right client organization? Does it fit your strengths, financial standards, and reputation goals? If a client can’t pay on time or is driven solely by price, the relationship is doomed. Second, Is it the right issue? You may have the right client but be tasked with an irrelevant problem. Sobel advises choosing work that aligns with both your “sweet spot” and the client’s highest priorities.

Third, Are you working with the right executive? This matters immensely. Without an empowered sponsor, even excellent solutions languish. A senior executive who has clout, confidence, and connection is a gateway to success. Finally, Will the relationship create value for you? This means more than profit—it includes learning, satisfaction, and reputation growth. You can think of these criteria as your own four-point compass for navigating potential clients.

The A-B-C Ranking System

To focus energy, Sobel recommends ranking clients as A, B, or C. “A” clients get top-priority investments—they represent ideal partnerships. “B” clients get maintenance and possible growth. “C” clients require tough questions: should you continue with them, or is it time to move on? By being proactive rather than reactive, you reclaim control over your client portfolio, investing creativity where it will bear fruit rather than firefighting where it won’t.

“Picking the right clients,” Sobel writes, “is like choosing the right fertilizer. You can’t make a garden bloom on barren soil.”

Sobel’s message is clear: your time is your most limited resource. Use questions as your filter to ensure you’re cultivating relationships worthy of lifelong partnership.

Once you’ve chosen the right clients, Sobel argues, growth requires deliberate investment. He introduces four complementary strategies: aligning with client goals, exploring new growth vectors, investing time and insight, and capitalizing on catalysts for change. These aren’t abstract ideas—they’re actionable paths to transforming a transactional relationship into a strategic partnership.

1. Align with Your Client’s Highest Goals

Instead of reacting to short-term requests, dig deeper to connect your work to what truly matters to your client. Sobel suggests asking, “Why do you want to do this?” or “What business goal will this help you achieve?” These questions clarify intent and uncover hidden motivations. By aligning your work with the client’s strategic imperatives, you become indispensable to their success (similar to what Clayton Christensen calls “Jobs to Be Done” thinking in innovation—understanding the deeper purpose behind actions).

2. Explore Growth Vectors

Sobel outlines five natural directions for expanding a relationship: replicate (selling more of the same), implement (moving downstream into execution), design (moving upstream into strategy), discover new needs, and find new buyers. These categories mirror the lifecycle of trust: as credibility grows, clients open the door to upstream influence and introductions within their organization. The key, however, is to ask questions that expose opportunity—like “What’s your biggest headache right now?” or “Who else in your company might benefit from this?”

3. Invest Time and Intellectual Capital

Sobel warns against spreading yourself thin or chasing endless new RFPs. Instead, reinvest that energy into existing relationships that show promise. This might mean offering a complimentary workshop, developing custom insights, or connecting your client to valuable peers. It’s not about free work; it’s about visible commitment—proof that you care about their long-term success.

4. Capitalize on Catalysts

External shifts—like a reorganization, a new executive, or an industry disruption—often create ripe moments for deeper engagement. The alert advisor watches for these triggers and responds decisively. Sobel’s counsel echoes Napoleon’s maxim: “Take advantage of the chaos—there lies opportunity.” A trusted relationship not only endures crises but can thrive through them if you meet the moment with speed, empathy, and insight.

Together, these strategies form a disciplined roadmap. Relationships grow not by chance, but by intentional curiosity, investment, and presence.

Business is always personal, Sobel insists. You don’t have to be best friends with your clients, but you must understand what shapes their worldview—values, motivations, and personal history. Otherwise, you’re just another vendor. Sobel provides ten strategies and a dozen questions to help you get to know clients beyond the surface level.

Building Real Rapport

Key principles include following their lead (don’t force intimacy), showing real curiosity, and finding shared experiences. Humor, humanity, and face time matter. “Be human,” Sobel says—perfection creates distance. Vulnerability, on the other hand, builds connection. This is consistent with Brené Brown’s research that authentic connection comes through courage to be real.

Questions That Go Deeper

Sobel’s suggested questions move gracefully from professional to personal: “What’s the most fulfilling part of your job?” “How did you get your start in this business?” and “What would you like to be remembered for?” These kinds of questions don’t pry—they invite storytelling. When people share their stories, they invite you into their world.

Ultimately, the lesson is that professional success often depends less on technical excellence than on relational depth. Knowing what your client cares about—as a person—makes you not only more empathetic but also more effective.

Senior executives operate under extreme pressure—tight timelines, scrutiny, and relentless expectations. To engage them, Sobel argues, you must be concise, relevant, and value-focused. Top executives don’t want chatter; they want insight. They’re surrounded by yes-people who rarely challenge them. That’s where your questions can be refreshing—and differentiating.

Understanding Executive Priorities

Sobel notes that top leaders share three core priorities: growth and innovation, access to capital, and people—specifically their leadership team and talent pipeline. Questions that open discussion in these areas earn immediate attention, like “How do you feel about the dynamics within your senior team?” or “What capabilities do you wish you had more of?”

From Vendor to Advisor

The hallmark of a trusted advisor is the ability to challenge assumptions without arrogance. Sobel encourages gently reframing problems—“What do you think is really at the heart of this issue?”—and offering external comparisons that provoke reflection. Value for time, not just value for money, becomes the metric of worth. This approach echoes Marshall Goldsmith’s philosophy that “what got you here won’t get you there”—senior leaders evolve when someone helps them see differently.

The key takeaway: senior executives respect those who prepare, ask bold but respectful questions, and help them think, not those who simply agree with them.

Not every client interaction is smooth sailing. Crises—missed expectations, dissatisfaction, or misunderstandings—inevitably arise. Sobel reframes crises not as threats but as tests that reveal the strength of your relationship. He shares Ken Moelis’s story: when Moelis’s client excluded his firm from a major deal, he responded immediately, offering to fly overnight to discuss in person. That urgency and respect salvaged—and even strengthened—the relationship.

Eight Strategies to Handle a Client Crisis

Sobel’s crisis principles are timeless: respond fast, bring issues into the open, listen deeply without defensiveness, avoid excuses, apologize when appropriate, collaborate on solutions, offer amends, and rebuild trust through small wins. These echo the principles of restorative communication in conflict resolution—trust is rebuilt not through grand gestures, but consistent follow-through.

“Often, when there’s no immediate solution, the rapidity and intensity of your response is the solution.”

The questions Sobel provides—such as “Can you share with me everything you know about the situation?” and “What could we have done differently?”—guide constructive conversations that convert conflict into loyalty. Clients don’t expect perfection; they expect care, candor, and accountability.

Value is the currency of lasting relationships. Sobel redefines it as more than performance—it’s about perception, meaning, and impact at multiple levels: institutional (organizational outcomes) and personal (individual growth). Clients remember how you made them feel as much as what you delivered. The best advisors add both kinds of value consistently.

Adding Value at Every Stage

Sobel advises mapping where and when you can add value—before, during, and after engagements. Beforehand, educate clients through thought leadership or early insights. During the engagement, communicate impact clearly, not just activity. After delivery, continue following up with reflections and results reviews. Few professionals do this, which is why those who do stand out.

Multiplying Relationships

In his later chapters, Sobel introduces “relationship multipliers”—referrals, testimonials, joint intellectual ventures, events, and communities. For instance, one consultant he profiles asks for referrals a year into relationships, multiplying each new client by three to four more. By co-creating content or connecting clients at forums, you not only extend your reach but also strengthen trust. Essentially, you’re helping your clients succeed beyond your direct work—making yourself an ecosystem builder, not merely a service provider.

Sobel’s philosophy mirrors Adam Grant’s concept of “giver advantage”: when you help others expand their network and voice, you multiply your influence naturally. Giving value is the surest way to grow.

Even strong relationships require checkups. Sobel compares client relationships to health—on the surface, things may look fine, but hidden issues can silently erode trust. Regular assessment prevents the slow fade of disengagement. He offers diagnostic questions for both self-reflection and direct client feedback to gauge access, trust, transparency, satisfaction, and impact.

The Relationship Health Checklist

Ask yourself: Can I get meetings easily? Do my clients share information openly? Do they see me as a confidant or just a supplier? Do I feel fulfilled and fairly compensated? These self-checks help you catch early warning signs—when responsiveness dips, budgets shrink, or collaboration feels forced. From the client side, similar questions (“What have we done recently that you found most valuable?” or “If you could change one thing about our relationship, what would it be?”) build transparency and renewal.

Finally, Sobel urges readers to adopt four reflective power questions for themselves: Where is your practice today? Where do you want it to be in three years? What strengths can you build on? What is your plan to get there? These questions turn power questioning inward—ensuring you remain as intentional about your own growth as you are about your clients’.

In the end, Sobel’s message circles back to its essence: great relationships—like great lives—are not found. They’re built, nurtured, and renewed through curiosity, empathy, and the courage to ask better questions.