Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office

Have you ever wondered why working hard and being nice hasn’t always led to the success you deserve? In Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, psychologist and executive coach Lois P. Frankel shines a glaring light on that question. She argues that women’s socialization—our training to be polite, kind, and compliant—can sabotage our careers. These learned behaviors, appropriate in girlhood, become career-limiting mistakes in womanhood. Frankel’s essential claim: if you keep acting like a nice girl, you’ll never get the corner office—it’s time to act like the powerful woman you already are.

The author draws from more than twenty-five years of coaching and observation, distilling her insights into 101 typical mistakes women make at work, from “Waiting to Be Given What You Want” to “Crying” or “Minimizing Your Work.” Each mistake is paired with coaching strategies that teach women how to speak, act, and think differently—without sacrificing authenticity or femininity. Her goal isn’t to make women act like men; it’s to help them stop acting like girls.

The Problem: Girlhood Never Ended

Frankel roots women’s career struggles in early socialization. From the time little girls are told not to speak too loudly, to play safely, to smile and stay agreeable, these behaviors carry over into adulthood. The result: capable, competent women who defer, hesitate, or downplay their ambitions. As Frankel notes, gender bias still exists—women earn less, advance more slowly, and hold fewer top roles—but part of that disparity persists because women unknowingly internalize limiting scripts. “Stop consenting,” she tells readers, referencing Eleanor Roosevelt’s famous warning that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Empowerment is an internal revolution first.

The Framework: Six Ways Women Hold Themselves Back

The book is divided into practical sections on how you play, act, think, brand, sound, look, and respond at work. Each chapter exposes subtle but devastating ways women undermine their professionalism. For example, women often “work hard” instead of working smart, “play the game safely,” or “wait to be noticed.” They may “apologize unnecessarily,” “speak softly,” or “sit with their hands under the table.” Even body language—tilting your head, smiling too much, or wearing hair too long—can soften authority and credibility. It’s not that competence doesn’t matter, but Frankel insists that how you look and sound accounts for 90% of perceived credibility. Competence gets you in the door; self-marketing gets you promoted.

Empowerment as a Choice

Frankel acknowledges that changing these patterns is uncomfortable—it runs counter to everything women have been praised for. Yet empowerment, she explains, is not about aggression or rebellion; it’s about choice. You can keep responding as a “good girl,” or you can act as the woman you’re capable of being. She emphasizes the concept of “Unconscious Competence”: learning new behaviors until they become natural. Start by practicing one empowered behavior per week—speaking early in meetings, asking directly for what you need, or defining your brand. Over time, these small acts shift how others see you and, more importantly, how you see yourself.

The Stakes: Power, Perception, and Permission

Ultimately, Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office isn’t about becoming ruthless; it’s about reclaiming the power you already have. Frankel’s existential philosophy—rooted in her background at the University of Southern California—underpins this message: you can’t control the hand life deals you, but you can control how you respond. That’s where your power lies. In a world that still rewards confidence more than competence, self-defeating behaviors aren’t just cute—they’re costly. This book teaches you to transform politeness into professionalism, compliance into confidence, and niceness into strategic authenticity.

In the chapters ahead, you’ll discover how to stop waiting for recognition, start playing to win, and communicate with authority. You’ll explore how appearance, speech, and mindset create the invisible walls holding women back—and exactly how to break them. As Frankel’s clients often tell her after applying these strategies: empowerment works. Promotions follow. Respect follows. And, perhaps most important of all, peace of mind follows. You just have to quit bein’ a girl.

Frankel insists that career success begins by accepting a controversial truth: business is a game. It has rules, boundaries, winners, and losers. Many women mistakenly treat the workplace as an event—where everyone collaborates nicely—rather than a competition. Men, on the other hand, learn early that games are strategic and confrontational. If you pretend it isn’t a game, Frankel warns, you’ll lose every time.

Seeing Work as Strategy, Not Luck

To play well, you must recognize the unspoken rules that govern advancement. In one story, Barbara, a vice president in a chemical firm, carried over behaviors from the banking world where she had once thrived. Her polite, consensus-driven approach backfired in the aggressive new culture that valued decisive action. She wasn’t failing because she was incompetent—she was playing by old rules in a new game.

Frankel advises women to map their company’s rules and create strategies that work within—and at the edges of—those norms. Observe how success is truly measured. Does management reward long working hours, punctuality, initiative, or political savvy? List the unwritten expectations of fast-track employees and evaluate where your behavior aligns or conflicts.

Politics as Relationships

Many women recoil from office politics, viewing it as manipulative or unethical. Frankel flips the script: politics is relationship management. It’s about understanding the quid pro quo—what’s exchanged for what. Each time you help a colleague meet a deadline or support someone in a meeting, you earn an invisible chip you can later spend when you need assistance or opportunity. Men do this instinctively; women often waste these chips by downplaying their value or failing to cash them in.

Action Over Approval

Rather than asking for permission or waiting to be noticed, Frankel advises playing proactively. Volunteering for high-profile assignments, proposing bold solutions, and using direct language like “I propose” rather than “What would you think if…?” signal confidence and competence. This doesn’t mean being arrogant—it means recognizing the power of decisiveness. When you act within bounds but near the edge, you demonstrate initiative without crossing ethical lines.

“Play the game within bounds—but at the edges.” Frankel reminds readers that calculated risks, not cautious compliance, define leadership.

In short, the workplace rewards players, not bystanders. If you’re not engaging in the politics that move work forward, others will do it for you—and around you. Learning to play the game changes the narrative from survival to strategy. It’s not about manipulating—it’s about mastering the system.

Frankel’s chapters on behavior expose subtle habits that destroy credibility. These aren’t dramatic mistakes but small actions—polling before making decisions, needing to be liked, or helping too much—that collectively broadcast uncertainty. Each traces back to how girls are socialized to be accommodating and nurturing. In leadership, those same qualities can make you seem indecisive or servile.

Stop Polling, Start Deciding

Jennifer, a talented auditor with a Wharton MBA, lost a promotion because she couldn’t make decisions without consulting everyone. Her reputation for collaboration turned into one of hesitation. Frankel calls this “polling.” You seek consensus not to include others, but to protect yourself from later criticism. To flip this, start making small independent decisions, then scale up to higher stakes. Taking ownership shows confidence and leadership readiness.

From Likable to Respected

Sally Field’s famous Oscar declaration—“You like me!”—epitomizes how deeply women crave approval. But Frankel distinguishes between being liked and being respected. If you try to please everyone, you’ll sacrifice authority. Use self-talk to remind yourself that not everyone will approve of you, and that’s fine. Respect lasts longer than popularity.

Helping vs. Leading

Kristen, a new manager, tried to lead by helping—fetching coffee, making copies, and jumping into tasks her team should handle. Her team began treating her like an assistant, not a leader. Frankel’s coaching tip: don’t do the work for others; teach them. Leadership means guiding, not serving. Offer support, not substitution.

Being liked may make you comfortable, but being respected makes you effective. Nice is not a leadership strategy.

Frankel’s mantra for action-based empowerment is simple: weigh the cost of kindness against the price of opportunity. Doing favors, avoiding conflict, or playing caretaker may make others happy—but it rarely moves you forward. In management, “nice” is negotiable; results aren’t.

Changing how you think reshapes how you lead. Women often assume working hard, striving for perfection, and putting others first will earn rewards. Frankel calls these superstitious beliefs—rituals left over from old parental and cultural messages. The real path upward demands strategic thinking and boundaries.

Drop the Superwoman Myth

In “Making Miracles,” Frankel describes how women’s tendency to overperform sets unrealistic expectations. Anita, a consultant, worked nights and weekends fixing inherited problems. The first year, she was adored; the next, expected to do more. Miracles become minimums. Manage expectations by setting achievable goals and resisting pressure to perform superhuman feats.

Stop Obediently Following Instructions

Women like Kim and Majella, who questioned assignments rather than rushing to obey, showed how thinking before acting saves time and builds influence. Frankel contrasts this with obedience: the need to meet expectations perfectly without questioning effectiveness. Strategic thinkers ask why and how—not just when.

Reframing Power and Possibility

Chronic perfectionism and self-blame restrict growth. Frankel advises reframing power: it’s not dominance but the ability to direct your life. Denying personal power leads to depression and dependence. Recognize that control lies in choices. Each time you say no to exploitation or assert entitlement, you reclaim authority over your path.

“You have more power in the situation than you’re giving yourself credit for.” Frankel’s reminder is both therapeutic and tactical.

Thinking like a leader means replacing reactive habits with intentional choices. Don’t equate compliance with competence. Strategy and self-regard—not self-sacrifice—make a career sustainable.

Your career is a marketplace, and your product is you. Frankel’s section on self-branding teaches women to stop expecting recognition and start marketing themselves. Being modest or waiting to be noticed leads to being overlooked. Visibility, not busyness, earns promotions.

Define Your Brand

When interviewing candidates, Frankel often asks, “What are you best known for?” Few can answer succinctly. A personal brand, she explains, is a promise of performance—a clear statement of your strengths and value. Identify three activities that bring you satisfaction and translate them into strengths (“I listen effectively to gather data,” “I manage projects that reduce waste”). Practice articulating these confidently. (Brand experts like Peter Montoya echo this technique; clarity beats humility.)

Visibility Matters

Jacqueline, during layoffs, froze instead of asserting her value. She thought merit alone would protect her. Frankel urged her to make a case for staying—it felt radical, but necessary. Marketing oneself means volunteering for presentations, sharing achievements, and choosing seats near power. Out of sight, out of mind, out of business.

Stop Modesty Syndrome

Helena, who said “It was nothing” after earning praise, erased her own credibility. Frankel’s rule: eliminate minimizing phrases. Respond simply: “Thank you. I’m proud of what we accomplished.” Publicize results, keep an “atta-girl” file, and display achievements visibly. Results don't speak for themselves—you must make them heard.

Women’s work ethic keeps them busy; men’s self-promotion keeps them noticed. Frankel teaches you to have both.

Branding isn’t bragging—it’s clarity. Knowing and communicating your strengths ensures others see you as the professional you already are, not the hidden talent they overlook.

More than 90 percent of perceived credibility comes from how you look and sound—not what you say. Frankel dedicates a full section to women’s speech patterns, exposing linguistic habits that make strong ideas sound weak. The goal: sound confident without aggression.

Speak in Statements, Not Questions

Women often couch ideas as questions (“What would you think if…?”) to seem polite. Frankel demonstrates how this hands ownership to others. Replace with declaratives: “I propose we invest in development.” Add, “I’m interested in your thoughts” to invite collaboration. This approach asserts leadership while staying inclusive.

Drop the Fluff

Preambles (“I’ve been thinking…”), excessive apologies, qualifiers (“kind of,” “just”), and minimizing words dilute authority. In contrast, concise communication signals competence. Practice summarizing points in two sentences, pause before responding, and let silence cue others to engage. Short sounds confident.

Tone, Volume, and Pace

Women tend to speak softly, quickly, and at a higher pitch—all of which imply subordination. Speaking at natural volume and pace conveys entitlement to space and time. Credible voices resonate evenly. As one coach tells Frankel: imagine your voice filling the room, not asking for permission to be heard.

Communication isn’t about words; it’s about presence. When you sound sure, people assume you’re right—even before they’ve heard the facts.

Learning to speak the language of business—clear, direct, and concise—turns credibility into capital. It's not about imitation; it’s about precision and power.

Competence opens doors, but visual credibility keeps them open. Frankel emphasizes appearance as an underestimated dimension of success. How you present yourself—through dress, grooming, posture, and physical space—accounts for over half of how others gauge professionalism.

Dress and Groom for Authority

Long hair, girlish accessories, or youthful gestures like head tilting and smiling excessively make women appear less authoritative. A consultant once told Frankel that cutting her long hair changed how colleagues treated her—she seemed more senior overnight. Likewise, professional attire signals discipline. Follow the rule: dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

Body Language Speaks Volumes

Women often minimize physical presence—sitting with hands under the table, taking up little space, or avoiding eye contact. Men, by contrast, spread out confidently. Lean in, rest your forearms on the table, and maintain steady eye contact. These gestures project engagement and control.

Small Habits, Big Consequences

Simple changes—standing with feet shoulder-width apart, sitting with both feet grounded, avoiding public grooming—redefine perception. Frankel recounts how gestures inconsistent with messages (anxious hand-wringing while discussing bold goals) undermine confidence. Practice nonverbal congruence: align posture, gesture, and message.

Looking the part isn’t vanity—it’s strategy. People listen harder when you look like you belong at the table.

Frankel’s point is blunt but practical: appearances are data. In professional settings, polish equals power. Use it deliberately.

Frankel closes the book with response patterns—how women handle treatment from others. Often, women respond politely to disrespect, internalize criticism, accept scapegoating, or tolerate inappropriate behavior. These reactions stem from social conditioning to stay agreeable. Empowerment means resetting that script.

Don’t Be the Scapegoat

Eva, an HR representative, took heat in a meeting for her boss’s scheduling failure while he stayed silent. Frankel taught her to address it later—calmly stating facts and confusion about the miscommunication. Naming disrespect asserts boundaries without aggression. The message: I noticed what happened, and I won’t accept it.

Stand Against Bullies and Harassment

From bullies to sexual harassers, tolerance equals permission. Frankel encourages using the “broken record” technique—repeating your point until it registers, without anger. If disrespect persists, escalate through HR. Speaking up isn’t divisive; it protects integrity. Likewise, don’t play the gender card prematurely. Address problems through facts first, not emotion.

Protect Your Time and Needs

Women notoriously let others waste their time or sidetrack their goals. Frankel’s simple practice: say, “I’d love to chat but I’m on a tight schedule—let’s talk later.” Patience is not always a virtue. Be the squeaky wheel; assert your boundaries early.

Politeness doesn’t pay bills. Boundaries do.

If workplace dynamics often make you uncomfortable, Frankel offers a formula: describe the problem, explain its impact, specify what should change, and attach consequences—the “DESCript.” It’s professional confrontation at its best: direct, respectful, and effective. Responding as a woman, not as a pacified girl, signals maturity and power.