Live Free

What if the source of your unhappiness isn't your job, your relationships, or even your financial situation—but your expectations? In Live Free: Exceed Your Highest Expectations, DeVon Franklin invites readers to reconsider the silent forces that control so much of life. He argues that unmanaged, unspoken, or unrealistic expectations are the true source of frustration, resentment, and disappointment. His central claim is bold: if you can set and communicate your expectations properly—across your personal life, culture, relationships, and career—you can achieve a life of freedom, purpose, and joy.

Franklin—a Hollywood producer, minister, and inspirational speaker—builds his case on a mix of personal storytelling, psychology, faith, and reflections on modern culture. He shows how expectations, like invisible software, run in the background of every human mind, shaping emotions, decisions, and behaviors. The book’s thesis is not that we should eliminate expectations altogether—because life without them would be directionless—but rather that we must align our expectations with reality, communicate them clearly, and take full ownership of them.

The Expectation Revelation

Franklin begins with a simple, transformative realization: “unmanaged expectations lead to an unhappy life.” Through stories from his own life—including his early career struggles in Hollywood and moments of introspection during the pandemic—he demonstrates how misplaced expectations often replace presence with stress. People expect circumstances, achievements, or others to deliver fulfillment, only to find themselves disappointed when these external factors fail. His central revelation is that most of us react not to reality, but to what we expected reality to be.

Living free, therefore, means reclaiming control from those invisible expectations. Freedom, for Franklin, is a mental, emotional, and spiritual state where you are no longer under the control of what others want from you—or what you’ve blindly internalized from family, religion, or culture. You get to choose which expectations to keep, release, and reset. “To live free,” he writes, “means you are not under the mental, physical, or emotional control of anyone or anything.”

Four Spheres of Expectation

Franklin organizes the book around four major arenas where expectations dominate modern life:

• Personal expectations — the inner standards we hold for ourselves, often shaped by childhood experiences and beliefs.
• Cultural expectations — the collective pressures rooted in gender, race, faith, and community norms that tell us how we “should” behave or succeed.
• Relational expectations — the spoken and unspoken demands we exchange with family, friends, and romantic partners.
• Professional expectations — the goals, deadlines, and success metrics that often cause burnout and disillusionment when left unchecked.

By analyzing these four domains, Franklin guides readers through identifying, evaluating, and managing every invisible expectation that might be controlling them. He uses both faith-based wisdom and psychology to show that clarity always precedes peace. Asking whether an expectation is realistic or unrealistic, and spoken or unspoken, is the foundation for this work.

Why Expectations Matter Now

Franklin wrote the book in the shadow of 2020—a year of global disruption, loss, and change. The pandemic, racial reckoning, and economic fallout threw countless people into confusion about work, identity, and purpose. “We are losing our sense of self and where we fit in the world,” he reflects. Yet, he insists, these crises exposed something preexisting: we were already living under impossible expectations of perfection, productivity, and approval. The slowdown forced us to ask what we truly want, and how much of that desire was ever ours to begin with.

This context positions Live Free as not just self-help but a manual for cultural reorientation. It’s a guide for learning how to confront life’s uncertainty without letting expectations destroy joy or gratitude. Franklin blends spiritual principles (like acceptance and faith) with modern insights about emotional intelligence and mindfulness. The result is a compassionate perspective that reminds readers they are not failing—they are simply living under the wrong programs.

From Expectation to Elevation

Across the book’s four sections, Franklin teaches how to rewrite the software running your life. You learn to upgrade your “operating system” by analyzing inherited beliefs, such as the need to be perfect, to please everyone, or to define success by others’ approval. In the middle chapters, he provides practical tools for communicating expectations, dealing with cultural pressures, managing relationships, and building hope after disappointment. By the end, he turns to professional life—teaching readers to trust the process over the results, to create genuine goals aligned with their purpose, and to cultivate flexibility when plans change.

Ultimately, Franklin’s message is both radical and reassuring: life becomes lighter when you let go of control. Freedom doesn’t mean doing whatever you want—it means making conscious choices about what truly matters. “You really do create your own happiness,” he writes, “and if you try to outsource it to anyone or anything else, you will always be dissatisfied.” The reward for this work is a life lived from peace, not pressure—a life where expectations serve you rather than enslave you.

The first layer of transformation in Live Free begins within. Franklin asks you to examine how personal expectations—the ones you hold about yourself—shape your happiness and sense of worth. Most of these expectations, he explains, were installed unconsciously long ago. Families, schools, religious institutions, and early life experiences set the default programming of your inner software—expectations you may not even realize are still running the show.

Where Expectations Come From

Citing family life specialist Ben Silliman, Franklin identifies three common sources of expectations: family modeling, societal norms, and personal experiences. Over time, these influences combine to form a set of standards you automatically try to live up to—often without questioning whether they’re realistic or even desirable. He adds a fourth source—your career—recognizing that professional environments exert tremendous psychological pressure. The cumulative effect is a web of competing expectations that often conflict, leaving you in a state of emotional exhaustion.

He illustrates this with his own story of being labeled “Mr. Perfect.” Growing up in Oakland, California, with a father who struggled with alcoholism and died young, Franklin internalized the belief that achievement equaled love and stability. Success became his coping mechanism. But his need to appear flawless left him anxious, overworked, and unable to rest. His candor about therapy and spiritual growth helps normalize the idea that perfectionism is not virtue—it’s bondage.

The Dangerous Faces of Expectations

Franklin unpacks how expectations manifest as four mental traps: assumptions, standards, judgments, and projections. Each distorts perception and prevents authentic self-understanding:

• Assumptions are beliefs you treat as facts—like assuming a degree guarantees success or that effort ensures fairness.
• Standards can become tyrannical when used to judge others by your personal code.
• Judgments elevate your opinions to universal truths, fueling cancel culture and interpersonal resentment.
• Projections occur when you impose your unhealed pain or unrealized dreams on others—especially children or partners.

He uses examples like pop star Demi Lovato, who nearly lost her life to addiction and eating disorders after years of trying to meet unrealistic expectations of her management and body image culture. Her recovery illustrates the book’s core point: healing begins when you stop performing for others’ approval and start aligning with your own truth.

From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion

The antidote to destructive expectations, Franklin teaches, is radical honesty. Through exercises called “Expectation Examinations,” he invites readers to list their top five personal expectations, locate their origins, and ask whether each belief still serves them. This journaling process, he insists, is not intellectual—it’s spiritual. As you separate real desires from inherited pressure, you begin to own your identity consciously. In this clarity lies self-acceptance: learning, as he did, that “filled cups fill cups.” Only by prioritizing your joy can you truly love and serve others. (This mirrors Brené Brown’s idea that healthy boundaries prevent resentment and increase compassion.)

Franklin’s exploration of culture exposes how deeply collective beliefs dictate personal behavior. Whether rooted in race, religion, gender, or community, cultural expectations tell you how to think, act, and succeed. They promise belonging but often deliver captivity. The danger, he warns, is mistaking cultural approval for personal authenticity.

When Culture Becomes a Cage

Citing his own journey as a Black Christian producer in Hollywood, Franklin describes how identity intersections multiply expectations—each group assuming he must represent them in a certain way. From the church’s moral codes to Hollywood’s success metrics, every sphere tried to define his worth. As he discovered, failure to conform often leads to judgment or “cancellation.” He engages the debate around cancel culture, quoting Barack Obama’s call to reject “purity tests” that punish imperfection. For Franklin, true progress demands dialogue, not dogma.

He also invokes social psychologist Marie-Therese Claes, who defines culture as “shared meaning.” Because these shared meanings are made by people, they can also be changed by people. Cultural freedom therefore starts with awareness—recognizing that culture is a choice, not destiny.

Family and the Burden of Duty

Franklin’s anecdotes about family pressure are among the book’s most moving. When he resisted his community’s expectation to attend Oakwood University—a historically Black Adventist college—to pursue film at USC, relatives saw it as rebellion. But obedience, he realized, would have cost him his calling. “Love yourself enough that your family doesn’t become your god,” he writes. Similarly, life coach Paula Jones’s story (“Breaking Free from Your Family’s Expectations”) models how to honor loved ones without betraying one’s truth. She stood “in the fire” of criticism, choosing authenticity over approval, until reconciliation followed.

The Emotional Cost of Conformity

Social media and consumer culture amplify unrealistic cultural benchmarks—beauty, wealth, success. Franklin references data from the BBC and the Harvard Business Review showing that more media exposure correlates with lower happiness. The constant comparison leads to anxiety and depression, particularly among youth. He counsels readers to pause their digital intake and refocus on intrinsic values rather than external validation.

Ultimately, Franklin reframes rebellion as spiritual maturity. To live free, you must choose which traditions to keep and which to release. Quoting Mandela and Gandhi, he concludes that real change begins when individuals redefine the culture from the inside out. Freedom isn’t defiance—it’s responsible authenticity.

Nowhere do expectations cause more pain than in relationships. Franklin’s discussion of relational expectations—spanning marriage, friendship, and singleness—forms the emotional heart of Live Free. The problem, he says, isn’t love itself but the unrealistic and unspoken expectations that distort it.

It’s Not Them—It’s You

Drawing from his 2019 talk at Lakewood Church’s Spark Marriage Conference, Franklin disrupted thousands of couples by declaring, “If you have a problem with your spouse, the problem isn’t your spouse—it’s you.” Expectations, he argues, cloud perception, turning loving partners into disappointments. He introduces a practical three-step rule for setting relationship expectations: articulate them, seek agreement, and only then hold accountability. Without this, even good marriages can crumble under unspoken resentment.

Through humor, he recalls his own “baked chicken” conflict with his wife, actress Meagan Good. When she stopped cooking after a time apart, Franklin silently stewed in disappointment until an argument revealed the truth: his love had become conditional. Their resolution—communicating openly and releasing obligation—became a turning point in their marriage. It’s a story that makes abstract principles concrete, showing that even small unspoken expectations can erode love.

Marriage, Sex, and Accountability

For married couples, Franklin insists that vows are “expectation agreements.” Problems arise when spouses forget the details beneath the promises. He also addresses sexual expectations with striking candor, describing unmet physical needs as hunger that, if ignored, can tempt infidelity. Instead of shame, Franklin advocates negotiation: both partners must communicate frequency, preferences, and boundaries. He reframes sex as a shared process of love rather than performance.

Single and Whole

Franklin’s message to singles—especially women—is equally countercultural: “There’s no cure for singleness, because it’s not a disease.” He challenges the stigma that equates marital status with success and encourages readers to use solitude for self-discovery. Through affirmations and candid insights from his previous book The Wait, he teaches that emotional and sexual boundaries rooted in self-respect will attract healthier partners later. Freedom in love, he concludes, begins when you no longer outsource your happiness to anyone else.

These chapters align Franklin with thinkers like Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages) and Esther Perel (Mating in Captivity)—but through a faith-driven lens. His ultimate goal isn’t romance; it’s restoration. Communication, forgiveness, and self-awareness turn relationships from burdens into blessings.

In the workplace, expectations masquerade as ambition. Franklin’s professional advice—honed by years as a film executive at Sony and later as founder of Franklin Entertainment—centers on replacing perfectionism with process. The secret to success, he says, isn’t results but responsibility: excelling at what’s within your control and surrendering the rest.

The Process Is the Result

Franklin recounts working obsessively on The Karate Kid remake, expecting a promotion that never came. The disappointment plunged him into depression until he realized his expectation had been unrealistic. “Your boss controls promotions—you control excellence,” he writes. This “expectation breakdown” taught him that mastery comes from loving the work itself, not chasing recognition. Quoting Warren Buffett—“We enjoy the process far more than the proceeds”—he invites readers to treat every job as training for the future rather than a verdict on their worth.

Breaking the Addiction to Results

Like many high achievers, Franklin fell into the trap of confusing outcomes with identity. After his book The Truth About Men failed to hit the New York Times list, he spiraled into self-doubt until therapy and prayer helped him see the illusion. His “fake goals” had been driven by vanity metrics, not purpose. Real goals, he learned, are grounded in process, aligned with personal calling, and free from other people’s timelines. This reflection resonates with Angela Duckworth’s Grit and Carol Dweck’s growth mindset research.

Leadership and Communication

Turning to leadership, Franklin offers rare candor about being a demanding boss who burned through assistants until he learned to “stop projecting my standards onto others.” This humility underscores one of his book’s most profound truths: expectations must match capacity. A leader’s job isn’t to clone themselves but to set clear, realistic goals and communicate them compassionately. He also teaches employees to “learn your boss,” read unspoken expectations, and exceed them ethically. Meeting expectations keeps you employed; exceeding them accelerates your growth.

By the final chapters, Franklin reframes career ambition through the lens of purpose. When you serve your spiritual calling—what Vincent van Gogh called “the profession you were put here on earth to do”—work becomes fulfillment, not frenzy. Success, he concludes, isn’t achieving every external milestone; it’s loving your process so deeply that the results take care of themselves.

Though Franklin writes for a broad audience, faith infuses every page. He treats spirituality not as dogma but as a technology for transcending fear—a higher operating system that reprograms despair into hope. In chapters like “Faith: The Real Sixth Sense” and “Get Your Hope Back,” he shows how belief and gratitude can restore perspective when expectations collapse.

Faith in Action

Using the biblical story of Peter healing a crippled man at the temple gate, Franklin teaches that faith involves participation, not passivity. “Expectation without participation equals devastation,” he writes. You must show up, even when discouraged, and act as if the blessing is already on the way. This echoes Viktor Frankl’s insight in Man’s Search for Meaning: freedom lies in choosing one’s attitude under any circumstance.

From Disappointment to Renewal

Hope, Franklin argues, is the heart’s circulatory system—it must stay open for life to thrive. After devastation, whether from lost jobs, failed relationships, or global crises, hope can be restored through information, gratitude, and service. Drawing from psychologist Dale Archer’s research on resilience after disasters like Hurricane Katrina, he shows that those who maintain hopeful mindsets recover faster. “Hope,” Franklin writes, “is belief with endurance.” His practical steps—journaling gratitude, seeking mentorship, and suspending unrealistic timelines—help convert pain into purpose.

Spiritual practice, in Franklin’s world, is not about escaping reality but engaging it more deeply. Faith guides you through uncertainty; hope powers you forward. Together, they sustain the journey of living free, ensuring that even your unmet expectations become invitations to evolve.

The book culminates in what Franklin calls the “Freedom Formula”—a daily practice of self-awareness, communication, and flexibility. It’s both a personal philosophy and a societal antidote to stress culture. Freedom, he reminds readers, isn’t the absence of responsibility; it’s the wisdom to choose which responsibilities to carry.

Step 1: Set and Communicate

The first rule of freedom is clarity. Every expectation must be tested against two questions: Is it realistic, and is it spoken? Anything unrealistic or unspoken is a trap. By clarifying your expectations—to yourself and to others—you dissolve confusion before it breeds resentment. Franklin’s family even turned this into a shared code word: when someone starts to impose an unfair request, another calmly replies, “Expectations!” Instantly, the tone shifts from pressure to partnership.

Step 2: Bend, Don’t Break

Flexibility, Franklin warns, is essential for survival. Life will shatter even the best-laid plans—promotions fall through, relationships end, pandemics strike. Those who adapt thrive. Drawing on metaphors of healing bones and growing plants, he advises resetting expectations as conditions change. “If you don’t bend,” he writes, “you’ll break.”

Step 3: Expect the Unexpected

Embracing uncertainty transforms chaos into creativity. Franklin’s stories of athletes, like the NBA players he coached during lockdown, show that identity anchored in purpose—not performance—endures through change. “Basketball is what you do, not who you are,” he told them. When the external game pauses, the internal work begins.

Step 4: Gratitude and Joy

Finally, Franklin ends where transformation begins—with gratitude. Quoting Maya Angelou’s line, “When you know better, you do better,” he frames appreciation as both spiritual medicine and mental hygiene. Daily gratitude, he notes, lowers stress, boosts emotional health, and reconnects you to what’s working instead of what’s missing. In his words, “It’s hard to be angry and grateful at the same time.”

With this formula, Live Free becomes less a book than a movement—a call to stop living by others’ scripts and start authoring your own. Setting expectations isn’t restrictive; it’s redemptive. The freedom that follows is not reckless independence, but alignment: your beliefs, choices, and values finally moving in harmony.