Financial Feminist

Have you ever felt powerless because of money – as if your financial life were holding you hostage in decisions big and small? In Financial Feminist, Tori Dunlap transforms personal finance from a dry numbers game into an act of protest, self-love, and collective empowerment. She argues that understanding money is not merely about wealth; it’s about freedom – the ability to walk away from a toxic job, leave an abusive relationship, fund your dreams, and help others. Dunlap, who founded the education company Her First $100K after saving six figures by age twenty-five, contends that women’s financial empowerment is inherently political. In a patriarchal system that benefits from keeping women underpaid, overworked, and underinformed, being financially independent is revolutionary.

The book begins with a deeply personal narrative. Dunlap found herself in a toxic corporate job that crushed her spirit, until she realized that her carefully saved emergency fund was her escape hatch. That moment taught her that money, far from being cold or greedy, could be a warm, protective shield. It gave her options – and the freedom to say "no more." This awakening became the blueprint for the movement she now calls financial feminism: using money not only to help yourself but to change systems of inequality. As Dunlap writes, "When you have all you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence." The book’s mission is to help you build that sturdy table, then invite others to it.

Money as Protest and Power

At its core, Dunlap’s philosophy reframes financial independence as an act of defiance. In a world where women are discouraged from discussing money, told it’s unseemly to aspire to wealth, and punished for success, taking control of your finances is a rebellion against silence and scarcity. She pulls no punches in showing how economic systems are built on exclusion: women couldn’t open their own credit cards until 1974 or secure loans without male approval, and racial discrimination still shapes access to credit and interest rates today. The result is systemic inequality disguised as "bad financial choices." Dunlap’s approach dismantles that shame, showing that most people’s financial struggles stem not from personal flaws but from structural barriers. She insists that financial advice must include conversations about race, privilege, and capitalism’s impact on mental health and opportunity.

A Human Approach to Money

The first chapters explore the emotional core of money: shame, guilt, fear, and learned helplessness. Drawing inspiration from Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability, Dunlap teaches that the path to financial empowerment starts by confronting these emotions. We inherit damaging narratives – that talking about money is impolite, that we should know financial skills instinctively, that hard work guarantees wealth, that wanting money is selfish, and that “money can’t buy happiness.” These myths keep women small. Dunlap’s antidote is empathy and self-compassion. She asks readers to journal their first money memories to uncover how childhood experiences shaped their current financial behavior. By naming these stories, you take back the power they’ve held over you.

This emotional awareness is followed by practical application. Dunlap organizes her advice into a step-by-step “Financial Game Plan.” First, build an emergency fund; next, pay off high-interest debt; then invest for retirement while managing low-interest loans; and finally, save for “Big Life Stuff” like travel, children, or homeownership. Each step has clear psychological, strategic, and political meaning. Saving gives you safety, debt reduction gives you peace, investing gives you growth, and spending mindfully gives you joy. The book pairs emotional healing with tangible financial tools, turning every dollar into an act of care.

Why Financial Feminism Matters

Dunlap emphasizes that personal finance cannot be separated from social context. Only about 20 percent of our financial lives are choices; the rest are circumstance: access to education, healthcare, fair pay, or racial equality. A "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality ignores systemic oppression. Still, she argues that while fighting for justice, we must also learn to survive within the system as it exists. Building wealth doesn’t equal complicity in capitalism – it’s survival and preparation for change. Money becomes the megaphone that amplifies activism. When women are financially secure, they can donate, volunteer, and speak up. As sociologist Margaret Mead said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.” Dunlap’s book provides the map for that change, beginning in each reader’s wallet.

Across its chapters, Financial Feminist blends personal narrative, expert interviews, and feminist critique into a warm, conversational guide. It’s not “hustle culture” or “get rich quick” ideology; it’s a form of sustainable empowerment grounded in rest, values, and community. You’ll learn to build emotional resilience around money, rethink spending through joy rather than guilt, create the three-bucket budget, pay off debt strategically, invest confidently, negotiate your worth, and develop financial self-care practices that last a lifetime. In the end, Dunlap shows that when you build your financial foundation, you gain the privilege to help others build theirs. And that, she says, is where real revolution begins.

We often think money is only math—earning, spending, saving—but as Dunlap insists, it’s mostly emotion. In her opening section “The Emotions of Money,” she argues that shame and judgment are the greatest barriers women face to financial confidence. We’ve been conditioned to associate money mistakes with moral failure, and those beliefs often start in childhood. Her solution is both therapeutic and practical: name, reframe, and rebuild your relationship with money.

Naming Shame and Patriarchal Narratives

Borrowing from Brené Brown’s concept that “what we don’t name, we can’t heal,” Dunlap walks through five patriarchal narratives haunting women’s financial lives: (1) You should already know how to manage money; (2) Talking about money is rude; (3) Hard work alone equals wealth; (4) Wanting money makes you selfish; and (5) Money can’t buy happiness. These stories shape self-defeating behaviors—under-earning, overworking, or avoiding financial decisions altogether. By identifying them, you realize that shame has never belonged to you; it’s been imposed.

Reframing Childhood Money Memories

Dunlap invites readers to revisit their earliest money memories to uncover hidden scripts. One client, she recalls, watched her parents fight over credit card bills and now avoids looking at her own statements. Another learned to hoard cash out of fear of scarcity. Dunlap shares her own story: saving coins in an Altoids tin to buy a theater ticket at age four, teaching her about delayed gratification. These memories form emotional templates that guide adult financial behavior until we consciously rewrite them.

Creating New Beliefs and Practicing Self-Compassion

Healing means replacing shame statements—“I’m not enough”—with affirmations: “I am enough.” Dunlap turns confession into action by encouraging journaling, affirmations, and compassionate self-talk. She reminds readers that financial education isn’t innate knowledge but learned skill, and every mistake is information, not identity. The process, she says, is like therapy for your wallet: identifying triggers, offering yourself grace, then building consistent new behaviors.

Key Message

The antidote to shame isn’t secrecy; it’s vulnerability. Talking about our money stories openly breaks the cycle that keeps women financially trapped in self-blame.

(In comparison, Morgan Housel’s The Psychology of Money takes a similar stance but from a gender-neutral lens; Dunlap’s focus on patriarchal conditioning adds a necessary dimension.) Ultimately, healing your emotional relationship with money gives you permission to learn, ask questions, and grow without fear. Once you separate self-worth from net worth, progress becomes possible—and joy enters the conversation.

In chapter two, Dunlap dismantles the misogyny embedded in traditional financial advice. Men’s advice centers on wealth building—investing, negotiating, acquiring assets. Women’s advice, in contrast, scolds: clip coupons, skip lattes, buy less. Dunlap argues this narrative keeps women playing small while ignoring systemic costs like safety, appearance, and discrimination. Spending, she insists, is not moral failure; it’s part of a fulfilling life.

The Myth of Frivolous Female Spending

Dunlap points to research where 90% of articles targeting women emphasize saving, while men’s content focuses on investing. Examples range from sexist tropes blaming handbags and coffee for poverty to the “pink tax,” which forces women to pay 7% more for equivalent goods. Even basic hygiene items like tampons are labeled “luxuries.” Spending shaming, she writes, perpetuates guilt while ignoring real financial inequality.

Value-Based Spending and the Money Diary

Instead of deprivation, Dunlap teaches value-based spending: use money according to your joys, not social expectations. She introduces the “money diary,” a mindfulness exercise to track what you buy, why you buy it, and how it makes you feel. Were those $70 jeans necessary, or emotional therapy? Did that coffee spark joy or fill boredom? After a month, patterns emerge—your spending begins to reflect your true values.

Intentionality over Restriction

Dunlap offers six questions to make conscious purchases: What is my emotional state? How many “taco dollars” is this worth? Is the item worth its use and quality? Is this a habit or a choice? How many hours did I work for this? And am I voting with my dollars to support ethical businesses? These prompts transform buying into empowerment rather than guilt. Her message echoes Ramit Sethi’s principle of the “Rich Life”: spend lavishly on what you love, cut mercilessly on what you don’t.

Key Message

You don’t have to stop spending money—you just have to stop spending on things that don’t matter to you.

By redefining spending as a reflection of values rather than discipline, Dunlap gives women permission to enjoy money without shame. Her blend of feminism, economics, and psychology creates financial freedom that feels human and authentic.

After exploring emotions and spending, Dunlap moves into strategy—the Financial Game Plan. This framework offers a clear, compassionate roadmap to financial stability. Unlike traditional advice that assumes privilege, her four-step plan is practical for women navigating real-world stressors like debt, income gaps, and insecure work.

Step 1: Build Your Emergency Fund

Start with three to six months of living expenses in a high-yield savings account (HYSA). This is your “fuck-off fund”—the money that lets you walk away from toxic jobs or relationships. Dunlap’s own story exemplifies its power: in 2017, her emergency savings allowed her to quit a degrading job and pivot toward her business. The psychological security it provided was even more valuable than the cash itself.

Step 2 & 3: Pay Down Debt and Begin Investing

Dunlap divides debt into high-interest (over 7%) and low-interest (under 7%). Pay down the high-interest first—those costs exceed likely investment returns. Once that’s under control, start investing for retirement while managing low-interest loans. This balance between payoff and growth ensures that each dollar works strategically instead of reactively.

Step 4: Save for Big Life Stuff

When you’ve stabilized with savings and investments, you can move toward personal goals—travel, marriage, entrepreneurship, or family. These are the rewards of discipline, what Dunlap humorously calls “the Pizza after the Pity Salad.” Life isn’t meant to be hoarded or deprived; it’s meant to be chosen with consciousness.

Automation and the Three-Bucket Budget

To simplify management, Dunlap introduces her revolutionary Three-Bucket Budget: (1) Bare Necessities (needs and bills), (2) Goals (savings/investments), and (3) Treat Yourself (joy spending). She instructs readers to automate transfers so progress happens without constant decision fatigue. “Set it and forget it” becomes self-care instead of avoidance.

Key Message

Financial freedom isn’t about restriction—it’s about structure that gives you permission to live fully.

Through emotional transparency and automation, the Game Plan merges financial literacy with self-trust. The result is a repeatable system that fits any income level while honoring rest, joy, and individuality.

In chapter four, Dunlap reframes debt from a moral failure to a neutral tool. She teaches that debt has been weaponized against marginalized people—predatory loans, discriminatory interest rates, and opaque contracts. Rather than shame, she argues for strategy and transparency. Debt is not a sin; it’s a circumstance.

Unpacking Debt Myths

Many influencers, notably Dave Ramsey, preach debt-free dogma equating debt with stupidity. Dunlap counters: your self-worth is not your net worth. Debt can be necessary for education, housing, or entrepreneurship. Even wealthy people use debt—they just call it “leverage.” That linguistic twist reveals bias: when men or corporations borrow, it’s smart; when women do, it’s reckless.

Understanding Interest and Snowball Strategy

She offers a crash course on how loans work—principal versus interest, compound versus simple rates, and how minimum payments trap borrowers. To escape, call lenders to direct extra payments toward the principal and, if possible, negotiate lower rates. By attacking high-interest loans first or small balances for motivation, you gain momentum. Dunlap also exposes retail credit card manipulation, like Victoria’s Secret’s “Angel Card,” which exploited young women with unclear terms—a story shared firsthand by ex-employees.

The Debt-Free Mindset

Freedom from debt, Dunlap explains, isn’t just financial—it’s emotional and cultural rebellion. Every payment toward debt becomes a “fuck you” to exploitation. Being debt-free is a protest, but paying debt off responsibly is survival. Grace and consistency matter more than speed. Once you’re free, she urges readers to use credit cards responsibly—to win rewards and build credit rather than fear plastic forever.

Key Message

Debt doesn’t define your morality; how you engage with it defines your autonomy.

Like Holly Porter’s Money Lessons or Lynette Khalfani-Cox’s debt guides, Dunlap emphasizes education and equity over guilt. Her version centers women’s lived experience, turning financial literacy into liberation from cycles of dependence.

Investing, Dunlap says, is how you make money work for you. In a system that keeps women out of Wall Street, becoming an investor is a feminist act. She dispels fear and confusion by showing how simple the process really is—no yelling brokers or complex algorithms required.

The Gender Investing Gap

Women invest later and less than men, not because we’re lazy but because we’re excluded. Even today, only 15% of traders and 23% of financial advisors are women. Historically, women like Victoria Woodhull were jailed or mocked for trading. Dunlap frames modern investing as reclaiming that legacy of exclusion. It’s why the title “Financial Feminist” is not metaphor—it’s a continuum of activism.

Simplifying the System

She breaks investing into two easy steps: open an account (retirement or brokerage) and buy investments (like index funds). Most people, she warns, make the mistake of funding an account but never investing it—leaving money idle like “cash purgatory.” Her solution: understand stocks, bonds, and funds as simple baskets of collective ownership. Index funds like VTI spread risk while earning compound interest. Over time, patience—not speculation—builds wealth.

Reclaiming the Narrative

Investing becomes emotional empowerment. When women invest, they declare belief in their future selves. “You cannot afford not to invest,” Dunlap insists—retirement is the costliest expense of your life, and security in old age is freedom. She humanizes technical terms through humor (“fried chicken and Timothée Chalamet-level joy”) and creates accessibility that replaces intimidation with excitement. Her platform, Treasury, teaches step-by-step guidance in safe, community-oriented ways.

Key Message

Investing isn’t gambling—it’s faith in the future you’re building. Every dollar invested is a vote for your longevity and freedom.

Her practical simplicity rivals that of I Will Teach You to Be Rich. But unlike Sethi’s gender-neutral tone, Dunlap’s approach is distinctly feminist, turning portfolio management into legacy building: once women own wealth, they own power—and the world changes.

Money enters your life through earning—but how much you earn, Dunlap argues, is shaped by systemic bias. Women make 82 cents to the dollar compared with men, and even less for women of color. Chapter six, “Earning,” turns income negotiation into activism.

Confronting Workplace Myths

Dunlap dismantles loyalty myths and hustle culture. Working harder won’t automatically yield fair pay, and being “grateful” for underpayment sustains exploitation. Job hopping and negotiation, she explains, are tools for upward mobility. Her interviews—like Moji Igun’s story of negotiating in tech as a Black woman—show courage in practice. Women who ask for raises can earn over $1 million more over a career. Avoiding negotiation, as she quips, costs more than “a handful of uncomfortable conversations.”

The Art of Negotiation

Her five keys to negotiation are strategic: never give a number first, treat negotiation as collaboration not conflict, aim higher than your true number, remember you’re interviewing them too, and follow up consistently. She provides scripts for salary discussions and emphasizes leveraging data—market rates, achievements, and emotional clarity. Negotiation becomes an act of self-advocacy, not confrontation.

Redefining Success and Rest

Dunlap also calls out the toxicity of hustle culture, where rest is vilified and burnout is glorified. True success means stability and choice. She highlights “side hustles” and multiple income streams as optional tools, not obligations. Earning well isn’t about working more; it’s about being paid fairly for your time, knowledge, and boundaries.

Key Message

Getting paid your worth isn’t greed—it’s justice. Every raise negotiated chips away at economic inequality.

Through humor and empathy, Dunlap teaches that financial courage starts with self-advocacy. When women own their earnings power, they model possibility for others and begin rewriting the social contract of work.

The final chapter transforms theory into lifestyle. Financial feminism, Dunlap writes, is sustainable self-care—a lifelong practice of accountability, community, and kindness. Once you’re stable, you can help others rise too.

Money Dates and Oxygen Masks

She introduces the “Money Date,” a monthly ritual to review spending, progress, and goals. Make it fun: order takeout, light candles, pour whiskey. Self-care is rarely glamorous—it’s often spreadsheets and honesty. She likens it to cleaning the kitchen before a trip: tedious now, comforting later. And like airplane safety, you must “put your own oxygen mask on first.” Women often jeopardize their stability to help others; Dunlap insists that true generosity starts with security.

The Four Ds of Financial Activism

To practice financial feminism collectively, Dunlap outlines the Four Ds: Discussion (talk openly about money), Donation (fund causes you believe in), Decision (vote with dollars and at the ballot), and Development (keep learning). Whether it’s sharing salary info with peers or supporting Planned Parenthood, every financial choice becomes activism.

Grace and Consistency

Dunlap ends with compassion. When life goes wrong—losing a job, missing savings goals—offer yourself grace. As queer finance experts John and David of the “Debt Free Guys” remind, progress isn’t perfection; it’s persistence. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Once nourished, you build that “longer table” and welcome others.

Key Message

Financial feminism works only when personal stability fuels collective action. When you thrive, you create ripples that change the world.

In closing, Dunlap calls money our most potent form of influence. “Money runs the world,” she writes. “Getting more into more women’s hands is how we bridge the inequality gap.” Financial feminism isn’t the end of capitalism—it’s training to navigate it, transform it, and ultimately make it fairer for all.