Excellent Advice for Living

How do you live well in a world overflowing with advice, distractions, and competing values? In Excellent Advice for Living, Kevin Kelly invites readers to rediscover the long-lost craft of living—not through grand philosophies or rigid systems, but through simple truths honed by experience. Kelly, the co-founder of Wired magazine and a lifelong thinker on technology and humanity, distills a lifetime of observations into bite-sized aphorisms designed to make you wiser, kinder, and more curious. The result is a handbook not just for success, but for lasting happiness and purposeful living.

Kelly’s premise is deceptively simple: wisdom is not a rare gift reserved for philosophers or gurus—it’s a muscle everyone can strengthen through reflection, gratitude, experimentation, and connection. Drawing from decades of work in technology, design, travel, and personal growth, he captures how small acts—apologizing well, keeping promises, being curious—can shape an extraordinary life. These insights blend timeless moral principles with modern sensibility, creating a guide that feels as relevant to a twenty-year-old entrepreneur as it does to a seventy-year-old grandparent.

Seeds of Practical Wisdom

Kelly calls his short reflections “seeds,” and that metaphor is telling. Each sentence sprouts into a profound reminder about work, relationships, creativity, and character. You’re encouraged not to memorize these sayings, but to plant them in your own experience and let them grow. For example, he reframes productivity as meaning rather than measurement—arguing that being “busy” is a poor substitute for doing something that matters. He challenges perfectionism (“Done is better than perfect”), explores emotional intelligence (“Be strict with yourself, forgiving of others”), and offers clever shortcuts for navigating everyday life (“You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to”).

This approach mirrors the ancient wisdom traditions Kelly channels—from Confucius to Marcus Aurelius—yet it feels distinctly modern. His bite-sized format reflects our digital habits (many of these began as tweets), but the message counters those habits by valuing slowness, honesty, and reflection. It’s an antidote to both cynicism and information overload.

The Playful Seriousness of Good Living

What stands out about Kelly’s “advice to his children” is its playfulness. He believes that living wisely doesn’t mean living solemnly. Curiosity, laughter, and generosity are central virtues. A recurring theme is that small steps—done consistently—outperform grand plans: “Recipe for greatness: become just a teeny bit better than you were last year. Repeat every year.” This faith in incremental growth harmonizes with ideas from James Clear’s Atomic Habits and Buddhist mindfulness doctrines: progress comes not from bursts of effort but from sustained attention.

At the same time, Kelly grounds these positive habits in realism. He reminds you to expect difficulty, confusion, and imperfection, noting that “pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” He invites you to be humble about what you know because “you are only as young as the last time you changed your mind.” This humility—the willingness to learn, to err, and to keep going—is the engine of his philosophy.

Living for Connection, Not Comparison

A major motif in Excellent Advice for Living is how relationships shape meaning. Kelly insists that friends are better than money, kindness always trumps being right, and you should “treat people as good as you are.” He elevates ordinary interpersonal gestures—asking questions, forgiving first, praising publicly—into acts of transformation. In contrast to the self-centered pursuit of “success,” these habits create a more enduring kind of wealth: trust and gratitude. Kelly argues that gratitude “will unlock all other virtues.” This mirrors the positive psychology insights of researchers like Robert Emmons, who found measurable mental health benefits in daily gratitude journaling—a practice Kelly also endorses as “the cheapest possible therapy.”

The book also dismantles the tyranny of comparison, a theme shared with Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Kelly cautions that “the greatest killer of happiness is comparison” and urges readers to “compare yourself only to you yesterday.” In a hyperconnected world obsessed with metrics and status updates, that single shift of focus—from competing to growing—becomes revolutionary.

Work, Play, and Legacy

Across hundreds of insights, Kelly returns often to the nature of work. The purpose of work, he insists, is to become—not to acquire. The best kind of career is the one that challenges you to become more fully yourself. “Don’t ever work for someone you don’t want to become,” he warns. “Your job will shape your soul.” At the same time, he celebrates rest and renewal as essential components of excellence: “The best work ethic requires a good rest ethic.” He views sabbaticals, vacations, and “goofing off” not as luxuries, but as moral necessities for creativity.

Kelly’s long view culminates in an idea of legacy that transcends wealth or fame: “Be a good ancestor. Do something a future generation will thank you for.” His final aphorisms expand the horizon of human experience beyond optimizing seconds to nurturing centuries—a deeply optimistic stance that echoes his broader technological worldview from The Inevitable. As he writes, “The good stuff will yield golden memories, and the bad stuff will yield golden lessons.”

Why These Ideas Matter

Each kernel of Kelly’s advice works because it’s both specific and universal. They address the modern struggle to balance ambition with empathy, pace with peace, information with understanding. His tone is conversational, wise but never distant—reminding the reader that wisdom isn’t something you find; it’s something you practice daily. Whether you are choosing a career, navigating a disagreement, raising children, or simply trying to be less distracted, Kelly’s words offer a compass. They turn living itself into an infinite game—where the point is not to win or lose, but to keep playing well, kindly, and curiously.

Kevin Kelly’s recurring mantra throughout Excellent Advice for Living is deceptively simple: greatness is built in increments. He argues that excellence doesn’t come from inspiration or talent—it comes from routine. By focusing on tiny improvements, repeated daily, you compound progress much as interest accrues in finance. “Recipe for greatness,” he writes, “Become just a teeny bit better than you were last year. Repeat every year.”

Habits Over Motivation

Kelly encourages readers to replace self-negotiation with identity: instead of saying “I should exercise,” say “I am a person who never misses a workout.” This mirrors James Clear’s identity-based habit framework from Atomic Habits. The act becomes automatic when it’s part of who you are. Similarly, Kelly warns that chasing inspiration can lead to burnout, while habit is “far more dependable.” Self-discipline, seen through his lens, is less punishment and more self-design.

Momentum Through Simplicity

A major reason people abandon habits is perfectionism. Kelly’s antidote: deadlines. He claims that a deadline prevents over-polishing and forces completion—“You have to make it different, not perfect.” In creative work, this is liberating. He advocates quick prototypes, imperfect first drafts, and forgiving iteration. These principles trace back to his lifelong engagement with technology: version 1.0 beats version none. The courage to start, even imperfectly, generates motion that sustains improvement.

Persistence Beats Genius

When Kelly claims “99% of success is just showing up,” he echoes Woody Allen’s tongue-in-cheek wisdom but applies it broadly—from entrepreneurship to relationships. Persistence, not brilliance, determines progress. He reminds readers that professionals make as many mistakes as amateurs; they’ve just learned to recover gracefully. The difference between mastery and mediocrity is not fewer errors but faster recovery. Over time, this resilience creates confidence that no burst of motivation can match.

The Compounding Miracle

Kelly connects habit-building to the larger principle of compounding. “All the greatest prizes in life come from the magic of compounding interest by amplifying small steady gains.” Whether it's saving money, practicing gratitude, or deepening relationships, the incremental habit multiplies results. You don’t need radical shifts to change your life—you just need small steps that you repeat.

Kelly’s philosophy parallels the wisdom of Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics: excellence is not an act but a habit. By redesigning your days, you redesign your destiny.

The power of tiny habits is more than efficiency—it’s freedom. You remove friction from good choices and create space for creativity. Kelly’s lesson is enduring: the best self-improvement system isn’t glamorous but gradual, done in quiet daily rituals that turn discipline into joy.

“Whenever you have a choice between being right or being kind—be kind. No exceptions.” That sentence summarizes Kevin Kelly’s moral philosophy. He contends that kindness isn’t weakness; it’s power deployed with restraint. In a society that prizes cleverness and competition, he defends kindness as a strategic, generative force—it smooths collaboration, deepens empathy, and shapes legacy.

Kindness Builds Trust

Kelly’s advice to “compliment people behind their backs” may seem playful, but it reveals a deeper truth: honesty mixed with kindness builds trust that lasts. Gossip corrodes relationships; gratitude enriches them. Expressing appreciation early and openly becomes a cornerstone of credibility. He describes trust metaphorically—earned in drops, lost in buckets—and identifies listening as its foundation. True listening, he says, “is a superpower,” one that requires patience and curiosity rather than judgment.

Forgiveness and Generosity

Throughout the book, Kelly reframes forgiveness as self-healing, generosity as enrichment, and empathy as clarity. “Forgiveness is not something we do for others,” he writes. “It is a gift to ourselves.” You can’t change someone’s behavior—but you can release the burden it places on your peace. He also views generosity as practical magic: “Be more generous than necessary. No one on their deathbed regrets giving too much away.” This echoes the teachings of spiritual authors like the Dalai Lama and stoic thinkers such as Seneca—human strength lies in benevolence, not dominance.

Kindness in Leadership

For Kelly, kindness extends far beyond personal interactions—it’s a leadership principle. “You lead by letting others know what you expect of them,” he says, and by “providing them a reputation they can step up to.” This transforms leadership into empowerment. He advises managers to train employees well enough that they could leave but treat them so well they never want to. By prioritizing respect and care, you cultivate loyalty that no contract can buy. He even distinguishes between managing yourself (“Use your head”) and managing others (“Use your heart”).

Kindness doesn’t mean avoiding conflict—it means engaging with dignity. As Kelly notes, “Contemplating the weaknesses of others is easy; contemplating your own is hard, but it pays higher rewards.”

In practice, kindness transforms teams, families, and communities because it changes the emotional chemistry of relationships. Kelly’s version isn’t sentimental; it’s tactical empathy. When someone is cruel, he recommends treating their behavior like an illness—it’s easier to practice compassion than revenge. By shifting from reaction to understanding, you make kindness contagious—the quiet revolution he proposes throughout his book.

Curiosity, Kevin Kelly argues, is fatal to certainty but essential to growth. The moment you stop asking “why,” you stop becoming. His book insists that maintaining curiosity—and pairing it with humility—is the surest route to lasting wisdom.

Learn from Everyone

Kelly’s advice to “learn from those you disagree with or even offend you” is radical compassion in disguise. You’re reminded that every person knows “an amazing lot about something you know virtually nothing about.” He frames humility not as self-doubt but as curiosity about others’ truths. This approach echoes Socratic philosophy and Carol Dweck’s concept of the “growth mindset”—that progress starts when we admit our ignorance.

Failure as Fertile Ground

Kelly reframes failure as fertile soil for innovation. “Pros make as many mistakes as amateurs—they’ve just learned to recover gracefully.” The difference isn’t intelligence but resilience. He connects humility to emotional recovery—acknowledging flaws, apologizing sincerely without excuses, and treating errors as data. This echoes Ray Dalio’s principle from Principles: pain plus reflection equals progress.

Never Stop Wondering

Kelly’s humility extends to science and aging. “You are only as young as the last time you changed your mind,” he writes. To grow older without growing rigid, you must remain astonished. Wonder is his antidote to cynicism and mental stagnation. He urges readers to read widely, ask repeatedly, and travel to unfamiliar places—acts that remind you how little you know. Ultimately, Kelly sees humility and curiosity as two sides of wisdom: together, they turn life into an endless classroom, where every mistake and encounter can teach you something new.

Kelly’s wisdom rejects the modern obsession with short-term wins. “Most overnight successes take at least five years,” he notes, urging readers to play the long game. Whether creating art, raising children, or building a business, time is the hidden multiplier. Miracles happen over a decade, not a day.

Play Infinite Games

Borrowing from James Carse’s philosophical distinction in Finite and Infinite Games, Kelly encourages readers to pursue infinite goals—those that keep the game going. Winning is trivial; sustaining purpose is profound. In relationships and creativity alike, he cautions: “Finite games are played to win or lose. Infinite games are played to keep the game going.” If you orient toward meaning rather than medals, life expands instead of narrowing.

Time as Wealth

Kelly’s redefinition of wealth is striking: “The rich have money. The wealthy have time.” The deepest luxury is freedom from urgency. He calls urgency a “tyrant” and demands that we “be governed by the important.” This prioritization echoes Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, where truly effective living means distinguishing urgency from significance.

Be a Good Ancestor

Long-term thinking also means living for legacy. “Be a good ancestor,” Kelly challenges, “Do something future generations will thank you for.” Plant trees, build families, mentor youth—acts that multiply beyond one lifetime. In an era dominated by micro-goals and analytics, this perspective feels revolutionary.

Kelly reminds readers that enduring success depends on patience. “We tend to overestimate what we can do in a day and underestimate what we can achieve in a decade.” Sustainable excellence, he argues, is the quiet result of time compounded with intention.

Seen through this lens, success is not a race but a rhythm. You’re urged to measure progress by direction, not destination—to play the infinite game with patience, responsibility, and gratitude. The best return, Kelly suggests, is the one you leave behind: a life that mattered across generations.

While most of Kelly’s wisdom is personal, his background in technology deeply informs his worldview. He treats creation—whether digital innovation or painting—as humanity’s spiritual act. “Only imperfect beings can make art,” he writes. “Art begins in what is broken.”

Prototyping as Philosophy

Kelly’s motto, “Prototype your life,” is both practical and metaphysical. Instead of rigid plans, he urges experimentation—try, fail, iterate. This mindset resonates with Silicon Valley’s startup ethos but with a soulful twist. You aren’t building products; you’re building yourself. Failure ceases to be shameful once it’s framed as a prototype.

Innovation Through Imagination

He views imagination as the most potent force in the universe—its ability to create something from nothing surpasses any technology. “Anything real begins with the fiction of what could be.” Progress, for Kelly, starts as imagination made tangible. His optimism about the future—the belief that “you are not late”—reverses technological anxiety. None of the greatest inventions twenty years from now have been invented yet. You are part of that unfolding story.

Work as Creation

Kelly insists that work should aim to create, not accumulate. “Don’t create things to make money; make money so you can create things.” This philosophy turns economics into artistry and reminds you that making something worthwhile—whether a tool, story, or relationship—is the ultimate act of optimism. In a world obsessed with consumption, Kelly reclaims creativity as the truest form of living intelligently.

Kelly’s final chapters shimmer with gentle wisdom about presence and wonder. “Anticipation is key,” he writes, “The chief prevention against getting old is to remain astonished.” His closing reflections are reminders that simple, unnoticed things—gratitude lists, short naps, shared meals—constitute extraordinary living.

Finding Magic in the Mundane

In the spirit of Thoreau’s Walden, Kelly elevates the ordinary. He celebrates the oddness of human life as a source of beauty: “Things do not need to be perfect to be wonderful.” Ordinary courtesies—returning carts, letting people exit elevators first—are sacred rituals of civility. He calls courtesy “free,” yet invaluable, suggesting that greatness often hides in manners.

Seeing Lessons Everywhere

“Life lessons will be presented to you in the order they are needed,” Kelly writes at the end. Every mistake, delay, and detour is part of your curriculum. Learning is lifelong, and if you’re alive, there’s another lesson waiting. It’s a deeply hopeful conclusion, one that binds the book’s hundreds of insights into a single message: living wisely means staying awake to wonder.

Kelly encourages you to say “yes” to astonishment—to keep seeing, listening, and learning. In doing so, you create a life vibrant not because it’s perfect, but because it’s conscious.

Ultimately, Excellent Advice for Living closes not with rules but with freedom: “Advice like these are not laws; they are like hats. If one doesn’t fit, try another.” Kelly doesn’t claim to have answers—only reminders. The wisdom is already in you; his words simply make you notice it again.