Exactly What to Say

Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “I wish I’d said that differently”? In Exactly What to Say, Phil M. Jones argues that the difference between those who consistently get what they want and those who miss opportunities often comes down to one thing: knowing the right words to use at the right time. Jones contends that spoken communication—especially the words that influence decisions—is both a science and an art. He teaches that carefully chosen language can shift beliefs, guide choices, and open doors, all while sounding authentic and natural.

Jones’s central idea is that success—whether in sales, business, or personal relationships—depends not just on what you say, but on how you make others feel when you say it. Words carry emotional weight, and certain phrases can bypass the analytical brain to appeal directly to the subconscious, where most real decisions are made. His book provides “Magic Words”: short, proven phrases designed to nudge people toward agreement, commitment, or deeper engagement.

The Science of Subconscious Influence

Jones explains that the subconscious mind makes lightning-fast “yes” or “no” decisions, while the conscious mind overanalyzes and stalls. By speaking directly to the subconscious, you guide people toward decisions almost reflexively. For example, the phrase “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but...” instantly reduces pressure, sparks curiosity, and invites engagement without triggering defense mechanisms. It’s how you create a rejection-free conversation.

The beauty of this approach is subtlety. Each phrase—whether “How open-minded are you?” or “What do you know about...?”—gently reframes a moment of hesitation into one of curiosity or confidence. When practiced, they help you avoid conflict while maintaining control of the dialogue. Jones aligns this understanding with behavioral psychology: people want to feel in charge of their decisions even when you’ve subtly guided them toward one choice.

Language as a Competitive Edge

Throughout the book, Jones insists that communication skill is the “winning edge” that separates high performers from average ones. Two salespeople can sell the same product, yet one dramatically outperforms the other. Why? Because one uses language that connects emotionally and triggers action. Understanding and deploying Magic Words in moments that matter—when introducing an idea, overcoming objections, or closing a deal—creates enormous leverage.

In this sense, Exactly What to Say isn’t just for sales professionals. Jones directly tells readers that these principles apply in any area where persuasion or cooperation is needed—team dynamics, parenting, negotiations, or networking. Any time you want someone to think differently, you can borrow these linguistic shortcuts to make your case more compelling.

A Practical Playbook for Persuasion

The book offers 23 of these verbal formulas, each anchored in psychological insight. For instance, “How would you feel if...?” uses emotional projection to motivate people with future outcomes, while “When would be a good time...?” assumes compliance, eliminating “no” from the possible answers. Others, like “Just imagine,” tap into mental imagery to make possibilities feel real.

Jones supports each phrase with examples and everyday scenarios, showing how they can transform even casual encounters. Rather than offering theory, he hands readers usable scripts that make conversations smoother, more productive, and less confrontational. His philosophy aligns with classic persuasion frameworks—like Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence—but focuses on tiny language shifts that you can apply instantly.

Why This Matters Today

Jones makes a compelling case that in an age of digital communication, the ability to speak persuasively is becoming rare—and therefore valuable. Whether pitching a business idea or resolving a family dispute, those who can choose their words with precision dominate those who rely on spontaneity. “The worst time to think about what you’re going to say,” he warns, “is when you’re saying it.” Preparation, not improvisation, creates confidence and success.

Core Premise

The right words, spoken at the right time and in the right way, have the power to change minds, initiate action, and turn uncomfortable conversations into collaborative ones.

In summary, Exactly What to Say is a compact, tactical manual for verbal persuasion. It teaches you to anticipate pivotal moments, use language that resonates subconsciously, and build confidence through preparation. Over time, using these phrases makes you not just a better communicator but also a more intentional thinker—someone who no longer leaves success up to chance but engineers it, one word at a time.

One of the most valuable principles Phil M. Jones introduces is the use of “Magic Words” that disarm skepticism and open others to your ideas. He begins with one of the simplest yet most potent: “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but...” This phrase, though small, turns the traditional pitch upside down by removing pressure and sparking intrigue.

The Psychology of Rejection-Free Conversation

People fear rejection. Jones recognizes that both giver and receiver of an idea want to avoid confrontation. By framing a suggestion with uncertainty (“I’m not sure if it’s for you…”), you lower defenses. It communicates that there’s no obligation and paradoxically makes the listener lean in. The subconscious hears not “no pressure,” but “maybe this is worth exploring.”

The second part of the phrase—“but…”—creates even more impact. Linguistically, “but” negates everything before it. When you say, “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but we have something special happening this week,” the listener focuses only on what follows. Their brain tells them, “You may want to look at this,” without feeling sold to.

Examples and Real-World Uses

Jones gives examples that show how flexible this is: “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but we’re hosting a small event this Friday,” or “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but many people have recently found this useful.” The worst-case outcome? They say they’ll think about it—hardly a failure. The best case? They lean forward and say, “Tell me more.”

This tiny phrase can be transformational beyond business. Imagine inviting a friend to a wellness program or persuading a colleague to consider a new approach. It allows you to suggest without insisting, encourage without imposing. It’s how influence feels like autonomy.

Why It Works

In psychology, curiosity is a form of cognitive itch—you feel compelled to scratch it by learning more. By signaling that what follows might not be for them, you create scarcity and curiosity simultaneously (a technique also emphasized by Robert Cialdini in Influence). The beauty of this phrasing lies in subtle emotional manipulation done with integrity. You’re giving the listener choice, yet you’re guiding their focus all the same.

The next time you’re hesitant to share an idea, try this phrase. You’ll feel less pushy—and ironically, you’ll be far more persuasive.

Jones reminds us that persuasion is rarely about force; it’s about finesse. Shifting from command to curiosity—“I’m not sure if it’s for you, but...” or “How open-minded are you?”—invites collaboration, not resistance. These are the conversational equivalents of open doors: subtle, generous, and immensely effective.

Jones dives deep into what truly motivates human behavior—and how emotion drives every decision long before logic catches up. He challenges the idea that people buy based on rational thought. Instead, they respond to how something feels. The Magic Words that access emotion—like “How would you feel if...?” or “Just imagine...” —turn abstract ideas into tangible realities within the listener’s mind.

Understanding 'A Reason to Move'

Jones defines motivation as “a reason to move.” Every choice, from buying a product to adopting a new habit, stems from either the desire to avoid pain or the pursuit of pleasure. Research in behavioral economics (e.g., Daniel Kahneman’s Prospect Theory) backs this up: people are more compelled to escape loss than to chase gain.

The phrase “How would you feel if...” prompts emotional time travel. You’re asking the other person to picture themselves in the future—living the result of their decision. “How would you feel if this decision led to your promotion?” activates aspiration; “How would you feel if you missed this opportunity?” activates fear of loss. Both are powerful motivators.

Painting with Words

Similarly, “Just imagine...” asks people to construct mental pictures. When you say, “Just imagine what six months of consistency could do for your business,” you trigger their internal movie reel. They don’t just hear your proposal; they see it. Neuroscience calls this “neural mirroring”: imagining and experiencing share the same cognitive pathways. That visual link makes persuasion nearly effortless.

Jones encourages readers to combine these methods for maximum effect. For example: “Just imagine how good you’ll feel when this new process frees up your weekends.” It appeals both to emotion and to visualization—a one-two punch in influence.

Selling Feelings, Not Features

Rather than bombard your audience with data, Jones advises you to sell emotional outcomes. People don’t buy gym memberships; they buy confidence. They don’t buy investments; they buy peace of mind. Language that evokes emotion turns unremarkable information into powerful motivation.

When you make others feel something real, logic no longer stands in the way.

Jones’s insight is beautifully simple: emotion drives movement; words control emotion. Use them not to manipulate, but to inspire action that benefits both sides.

A recurring theme in Jones’s work is that people love to make decisions, but they hate to feel pressured. Magic Words help bridge that gap by simplifying choice. Phrases like “You have three options” or “There are two types of people” create clarity and subtly steer the conversation toward the conclusion you want.

The Psychology of Control

In a world of overwhelming options, people crave simplicity. “As I see it, you have three options...” narrows complexity, giving the other person structure while preserving autonomy. It sounds neutral, but it lets you spotlight your preferred choice last—positioning it as the path of least resistance. Jones even finishes such statements with “Which one would be easier for you?” because ease beats logic every time.

Guiding Without Manipulating

Using the “two types of people” construction appeals to identity. The instant someone hears, “There are two types of people in this world…,” they instinctively categorize themselves. You then present two polarized choices: one aligned with your recommendation and one undesirable. “There are people who resist change and those who build better futures. Which are you?” Most people pick progress because it mirrors how they want to be seen.

Reducing Decision Fatigue

These tactics align with studies on choice architecture (notably explored by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein in Nudge). Humans experience cognitive fatigue when faced with too many decisions. By narrowing the field, you serve both sides—you make it easier for them to decide while guiding them toward your objective.

Great persuaders remove friction, not freedom. The goal is to help others choose easily while believing it was their choice all along.

Whether you’re closing a sale, managing a team, or negotiating at home, providing structured choices empowers others. In Jones’s world, influence is not control—it’s clarity delivered with confidence.

In any persuasive exchange, objections are inevitable. What sets skilled communicators apart, Jones says, is how they handle them. The key is not to fight resistance head-on, but to stay curious and calm. Questions like “What makes you say that?” or “Before you make your mind up...” invite honesty while keeping you in control.

Turning ‘No’ into ‘Maybe’

When someone rejects your idea, your first goal isn’t to convert them instantly—it’s to reopen the dialogue. “Before you make your mind up...” creates psychological space and implies collaboration. It signals: “I’m not fighting you; I’m helping you make a better-informed choice.” That tone transforms defensiveness into reflection.

The Power of Curiosity

Asking “What makes you say that?” is deceptively powerful. It transfers responsibility back to the other person—they must justify their objection. Often, they reveal that their resistance stems from uncertainty rather than true disagreement. You gain information without confrontation. As Jones notes, “The person asking questions controls the conversation.”

When someone says, “I need to think about it,” Jones recommends the gentle inquiry “Just out of curiosity, what is it that you’d like to think about?” The phrase softens what could be a pointed question, replacing aggression with natural interest. Silence afterward is your ally; let them fill it. Many talk themselves out of hesitation.

Empathy as a Negotiation Tool

Jones also uses phrases like “Don’t worry” or “The good news is...” to instantly calm anxious energy. Labelling emotions reshapes them. When you say, “Don’t worry,” you are offering both reassurance and leadership. When you pivot negativity with “The good news is...,” you redirect focus onto possibility. These micro-phrases maintain positivity while sustaining momentum.

Influence should feel like guidance, not pressure. The one who asks questions never loses control.

In practice, these conversational tools help you stay centered even under challenge. Instead of reacting, you redirect. That balance—empathy and authority—is the hallmark of the persuasive professional.

Jones closes the book with the same clarity he teaches his readers: finish your conversations intentionally. Phrases like “What happens next is...” or “If I can, will you?” elegantly move discussions from theory to action. They replace hesitation with momentum, signaling leadership without pressure.

The Power of Definite Direction

When a discussion stalls, people often wait for the other person to lead. Saying, “What happens next is...” breaks the deadlock. It assumes progression and invites the other person to flow along. The genius lies in its subtle authority—you’re describing process, not asking permission. Following that with an easy question (“What’s the best address for you?”) transforms agreement into action before either side second-guesses.

Managing Conditions and Compromises

The phrase “If I can…, will you…?” extracts honest commitments. When someone objects based on external limits—price, timing, logistics—this formula tests their sincerity. “If I can match that offer, will you confirm today?” reduces negotiation to mutual accountability. You separate real objections from invented ones. In life beyond sales, it’s equally valuable. “If I handle the planning, will you come?” applies the same principle to collaboration.

Never Leave Empty-Handed

Jones even resurrects a technique from classic television detective Columbo—saying, “Just one more thing...” before exiting a conversation. It’s the art of the “downsell.” When you’re about to walk away, use one last small request: “Just one more thing—would you be open to sampling this?” It keeps the door open and often wins a smaller yes when the big one isn’t ready yet.

The best closers aren’t pushy—they’re precise. They know the next step before they speak it aloud.

Jones’s closing philosophy mirrors his entire framework: clarity beats charisma. Each of these Magic Words—consistent, tested, and human—turns conversation into collaboration. The result is not manipulation, but mutual movement, built one confident phrase at a time.