Communicate to Influence

Have you ever left a meeting feeling like your words vanished into thin air? In Communicate to Influence, business communication experts Ben and Kelly Decker argue that most of us don’t actually communicate—we merely inform. They contend that spreading information isn’t enough to create change, motivate teams, or lead effectively in today’s world. True leadership communication, they insist, is about moving people from awareness to action by intentionally shaping the experience you create for your audience.

The Deckers’ central message is bold: leadership isn’t a matter of authority but of influence. Titles and hierarchy might command obedience, but they rarely earn enthusiasm. In their words, leaders must stop flashing their authority and instead learn to inspire people so they want to act, not just because they have to. Through decades of coaching executives—from tech CEOs in Silicon Valley to military officers—the authors demonstrate that influence arises when authentic behavior meets audience-focused content.

Why Communication Is Broken

The Deckers famously begin with a blunt statement: “Business communication sucks.” They show how most professionals equate talking with connecting, flooding meetings with data, bullet points, and jargon. Everyone assumes that saying the words equals being understood, yet audiences tune out because there’s no emotional link, no relevance, and no motivation to care. The book calls out five ‘white lies’ people tell themselves—like believing that sticking to a script will guarantee clarity or that winging it proves confidence. In reality, these habits destroy trust and engagement.

The Deckers use high-profile examples to illustrate these traps, from Marissa Mayer’s teleprompted and tone-deaf presentation at Cannes Lions to director Michael Bay’s meltdown at CES when his script failed. Both situations show what happens when speakers focus on content rather than connection. Communication, they explain, isn’t just about transmitting words—it’s about crafting an experience that your listeners feel.

The Shift from Information to Influence

The authors observe that society itself demands new forms of communication. Trust in traditional leaders has collapsed, attention spans are shrinking, and people crave emotional resonance. In this environment—what they call an ‘attention economy’—you earn the right to be heard only by creating fascinating, human, and purposeful experiences. They cite examples from TED Talks, where speakers connect through vulnerability and storytelling rather than slides or credentials. Likewise, brands like TOMS Shoes and leaders such as Simon Sinek show that inspiration, not information, drives loyalty and action.

The Deckers propose a powerful tool to guide this transformation: the Communicator’s Roadmap. This framework maps communication across two axes—emotional connection (vertical) and content focus (horizontal). Low emotional connection and self-centered content produce dull, informing experiences. High emotional connection and audience-centered content produce inspiration. Between these extremes lie entertainers (high emotion, self-focused) and directors (low emotion, action-focused). The goal: move up and to the right, toward Inspire. Whether you’re speaking to a crowd, leading a team, or having a hallway chat, this model allows you to intentionally design each communication moment.

Behavior Meets Content

To move toward inspiration, the Deckers combine what they call behavioral and content mastery. Behavior—the vertical axis—is the foundation of trust and connection. It’s expressed through eye contact, posture, energy, gestures, facial expression, voice, and the powerful pause. The authors draw on research (from Amy Cuddy’s work on warmth and competence to Albert Mehrabian’s famous studies on visual impact) showing that how you show up often matters more than what you say.

Next comes content—the horizontal axis. To influence, you must replace self-focused messages with audience-centered ones. This process uses the Decker Grid, a four-step structure that helps you craft a clear, actionable, and emotionally resonant message. It starts with defining your Cornerstones: listeners, point of view, action steps, and benefits. Then you brainstorm ideas, cluster them, and compose them into a logical and persuasive flow. The Deckers famously say, “Structure, not script”—because leaders who ditch the script can connect authentically while staying organized.

Inspiration in Action

Throughout the book, stories bring the method to life. A CEO who used the Decker techniques to transform his communication found that his whole organization’s culture shifted. Another executive used vulnerability—a story about teaching his daughter to drive—to inspire his sales team around trust. Whether addressing crises, launching products, or delivering compliance training, communicators who map their experience intentionally move audiences from passive listening to active participation.

Ultimately, Communicate to Influence isn’t just about presentation skills—it’s about leadership. It teaches you to lead without relying on authority, to connect with intention, and to make people feel they want to act. In the Deckers’ words, “Business communication sucks, but there is hope.” That hope lies in transforming every conversation—from the boardroom to the living room—into an inspired exchange that changes how people think, feel, and behave.

Ben and Kelly Decker open their guide with what they call five 'white lies'—comforting myths that reinforce poor habits. These lies are the mental blocks that keep professionals from communicating with impact. By exposing each one, the authors challenge you to rethink how you prepare, deliver, and evaluate your communication style.

Lie 1: “If I say the words, people will get it.”

This first lie assumes that words alone carry meaning. The Deckers show how the obsession with content—scripts, slides, and bullet points—kills connection. They use the example of film director Michael Bay’s infamous CES meltdown: when his teleprompter failed, his dependence on scripted words left him speechless. Similar failures happen daily in meetings when presenters rely on decks rather than presence. The lesson: people don’t remember what you say, they remember the experience you create.

Lie 2: “When I’m ‘on,’ I’m great.”

Many speakers treat communication like performance. They switch into a character that feels polished but fake. The Deckers show how this gap between “onstage” and “offstage” persona destroys trust. They illustrate through U.S. presidential campaigns: candidates like Al Gore, John Kerry, and Mitt Romney lost partly because their public demeanor felt rehearsed and robotic. Great communicators—the George Bushes and Bill Clintons—won because they appeared authentic. The advice: stop giving speeches; start having conversations. Your audience wants the same consistent, genuine version of you everywhere.

Lie 3: “I don’t need to prep. I can wing it.”

Busy calendars and nonstop meetings tempt leaders to improvise. But the Deckers argue that the gap between no preparation and even a little preparation is enormous. They share a story of a VP who dismissed an internal offsite in Napa Valley as “no big deal,” only to realize it was a critical strategic retreat. Preparation, they say, is an act of respect toward your audience and your message. Every interaction—from hallway chats to high-stakes pitches—deserves intention because you’re always being observed.

Lie 4: “People tell me I’m pretty good at speaking.”

Polite reinforcement can be poisonous. The authors compare complacent leaders to the emperor in Hans Christian Andersen’s tale—surrounded by yes-men too afraid to speak the truth. The cure is radical self-awareness through video feedback. The Deckers recount coaching a CEO who was shocked when he saw his own flat tone and detached body language on video. Only by confronting this disparity between self-perception and reality could he evolve. The principle: feedback is vital, especially when you think you’re doing fine.

Lie 5: “That’s not the way we do things here.”

Cultural inertia keeps organizations stuck in dull communication cycles. People mimic their bosses’ rigid styles, believing it’s the path to promotion. The Deckers tell of VPs at an insurance company who resisted change until given explicit permission by executives to take risks and show emotion. Once they embraced connection, meetings transformed and morale soared. Like Einstein’s definition of insanity, repeating dry approaches yields the same mediocre results. Safe is dangerous.

Reality Check

Each lie ends with what the Deckers call a 'reality check': communication isn’t about words, performance, improvisation, comfort, or conformity—it’s about choice. At every opportunity, you can choose to be authentic, prepared, self-aware, and courageous enough to inspire. In short, stop perpetuating what makes business communication suck.

The core tool of the book is the Communicator’s Roadmap. It’s both a map and a mirror: it helps you see where your communication currently sits and chart where you want it to go. By crossing emotional connection with audience-centered content, the Deckers reveal four distinct communication quadrants—Inform, Entertain, Direct, and Inspire.

Vertical Axis: Emotional Connection

The vertical axis measures how much emotional connection you create with your audience—not how emotional you feel, but how much warmth and trust you evoke. To rise up this axis, you must show that you care through authenticity, behavioral presence, and emotion in your message. Kelly Decker shares how her mentor Robin MacGillivray connected by asking personal questions and sharing vulnerable stories. Such sincerity, not scripted professionalism, builds credibility.

Horizontal Axis: Content Focus

The horizontal axis defines whether your content is self-centered or audience-centered. Talking only about your goals, data, or product keeps you left of center. Shifting your focus to the audience’s needs, problems, and benefits moves you rightward toward influence. The Deckers contrast a typical product manager touting features with a great one highlighting how the product helps real users and sales teams succeed. This simple shift transforms communication from telling to motivating.

The Four Quadrants

• Inform (Lower Left): Low emotion, self-centered content. Think data dumps, dull reports, or monotonous lectures—the Ferris Bueller “Bueller? … Bueller?” quadrant.
• Entertain (Upper Left): High emotion, self-centered content. Comedians and charismatic storytellers engage but rarely drive action. Amy Poehler moved from this to Inspire when she used humor to advocate for children’s charities.
• Direct (Lower Right): Low emotion, audience-centered content. Commanding leaders like Jack Welch or Anna Wintour use authority to get results but seldom create loyalty.
• Inspire (Upper Right): High emotion, audience-centered content. Great leaders like John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., and Sheryl Sandberg exemplify this quadrant, motivating followers to act willingly.

Navigating the Map

You’re not stuck in one quadrant; every conversation is a journey. The goal is to move up and to the right—toward inspiration—by intentionally designing the experience. Mark Zuckerberg’s evolution from monotone speaker to confident connector shows what happens when leaders map their growth. Steve Jobs mastered navigation by pairing detailed content (Direct) with electrifying stage presence (Inspire). Even President Obama moved around the map—from uninspiring debates to soaring oratory once he reconnected emotionally.

Lesson

Every communication moment can be plotted. Ask yourself: Are they engaged emotionally? Is my content about them? The answer reveals your coordinates—and how far you must travel to truly Inspire.

Half of influence happens before you even speak. In Chapter 4, the Deckers argue that behavior reigns. People decide whether to trust, like, and believe you within seconds, based on nonverbal cues more than words. The authors back this with research by Albert Mehrabian: communication impact is 55% visual (body language), 38% vocal (tone), and only 7% verbal (words). Authenticity and warmth precede logic.

Warmth vs. Competence

Drawing from Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, the Deckers emphasize that while competence earns respect, warmth earns trust. Small signals—a genuine smile, open posture, or nod—show people you’re attentive and on their side. You can’t inspire without this foundation. Leaders often rely on competence alone, projecting expertise but appearing cold or distant. To connect, you must blend the two.

The Five Behaviors of Trust

• Eye Communication: The deckers insist that without eye connection, there’s no communication. The five-second rule—holding someone’s gaze for at least five seconds—creates confidence and involvement.
• Energy: Posture, movement, gesture, facial expression, and vocal variety inject life. Think of Coca-Cola’s CMO Joseph Tripodi who electrified a massive conference by stepping away from the podium and moving purposefully across stage.
• Smile: The simplest signal of likability. Even serious executives transform perception when they show “lightness in the face.”
• Voice Variety: Use pitch, pace, and volume dynamically—speaking like you would at a backyard barbecue, not a boardroom funeral.
• Pause: Silence to think, breathe, and dramatize. It replaces filler words (“um,” “like”) and amplifies confidence.

Why It Matters

Real-world examples abound. Caroline Kennedy’s disastrous ‘you know’–filled interview illustrated how poor vocal habits undermine authority. In contrast, audiences trust those who blend credibility with calm authenticity. Even on reality shows like Shark Tank, investor Barbara Corcoran says she decides whom to fund based on nonverbal cues—the calm under pressure she reads before contestants speak. Your behavior is your message; words merely ride along.

Practice Challenge

Watch yourself on video. Count how long you hold eye contact. Add deliberate pauses. Smile on serious topics. As the Deckers say, “Communicating is a contact sport.” Your behavior—whether anxious or attentive—creates the emotional connection that precedes influence.

Once you’ve mastered the behaviors of trust, the next task is to elevate your content emotionally. The Deckers introduce the idea of SHARPs—tools that trigger emotion, memory, and motivation. SHARPs stand for Stories, Humor, Analogies, References and Quotes, and Pictures/Visuals. By embedding these elements intentionally, you help your audience feel, remember, and act.

Stories: The Currency of Emotion

“Logic makes us think; stories make us feel,” the authors write. Jill Bolte Taylor’s TED Talk about experiencing her own stroke is a prime example—science made emotional through vulnerability. The Deckers outline Andrew Stanton’s filmmaking rules: begin with the end in mind, make them care, let the audience work for discovery, and make it personal. John McGee’s tale of teaching his daughter to drive transformed a sales kickoff into a lesson on trust that his team remembered years later. Stories prove that influence relies on relatability, not statistics.

Humor: The Serious Business of Laughter

Humor disarms and humanizes. Katy Keim, CMO of Lithium, used self-deprecating wit—admitting she lied on her driver’s license about her height—to open a marketing talk. Her authenticity made audiences laugh and listen. In contrast, attorney Don West’s ill-timed knock-knock joke during George Zimmerman’s murder trial shows how humor without empathy alienates. The rule: never mock others; only yourself.

Analogies, References, and Visuals

Analogies create “aha” moments. A technical engineer once compared incompatible software standards to mismatched fire hoses during the 1904 Baltimore Fire—a vivid mental link that won his audience’s support. References and quotes add credibility; visuals anchor emotion. From the NYC Department of Health’s stark “Don’t Drink Yourself Fat” ad to executives Skyping their parents live on stage, powerful visuals activate understanding faster than any words.

Vulnerability: The Ultimate SHARP

The Deckers link SHARPs to authenticity. Vulnerability—sharing real fears or failures—creates trust. Citing researcher Brené Brown, they explain that openness isn’t oversharing; it’s courageous connection. Leaders like Sheryl Sandberg model this when admitting mistakes publicly. When Ben Decker’s client revealed how his mother’s death shaped him, that story instantly connected him with listeners who had never seen his empathetic side before. Emotion transforms communication from transactional to transformational.

Takeaway

SHARPs press the mental “record button.” If people feel something, they’ll remember it. If they remember it, they’ll act. Use SHARPs deliberately—one per major point—and let emotion carry your logic to influence.

So how do you systematically move from informing to influencing? The Deckers supply their most practical tool: the Decker Grid. Used by executives worldwide, this four-step process helps you construct persuasive, audience-centered messages quickly.

Step 1: Cornerstones

Every message begins with four Cornerstones: Listeners, Point of View, Action Steps, and Benefits. Start by understanding your audience—what they know, feel, and need. Then define your Point of View, the single belief or idea that drives change. Identify clear Action Steps (both general direction and specific tasks) and articulate meaningful Benefits that make people care. The authors rewrite a terrible sales voicemail to show how shifting focus from “we” to “you” changes everything: from pushing services to helping prospects find new revenue.

Step 2: Create and Cluster

After defining your Cornerstones, brainstorm support ideas freely—no editing. Then cluster similar thoughts under key points. These clusters build your structure. The key is not perfection but flexibility; sticky notes replace scripts because messages evolve as you move ideas physically.

Step 3: Compose with the Rule of Three

In composing the final message, the Deckers advocate brevity and structure, not memorization. They lean on the Rule of Three—people remember ideas in triads: setup, confrontation, resolution (like in stories from Gladiator to sales pitches). In the center of their grid sits three key points, each supported by three subpoints. Open with your Point of View and close by repeating it. Use SHARPs at the start and end for memorability. As they say, “Tell ’em what you’re gonna tell ’em, tell ’em, then tell ’em what you told ’em.”

Step 4: Deliver and Ditch the Script

Once composed, deliver using trigger words—not full sentences—so you can speak conversationally. One case study shows how two executives turned dreaded compliance training into an engaging, humorous session (“Stay out of jail. Orange is not the new black!”). Structure liberated them to be authentic.

Practice

Try using Cornerstones for everyday communication—from emails to team huddles. You’ll find that clear Point of View, concrete Action, and personal Benefit transform ordinary talk into influence.

The Deckers dedicate a full chapter to applying their roadmap in various real-life situations—panels, kickoffs, town halls, and even crisis moments. Each scenario demands deliberate movement across the map to craft the right experience.

Panels: From Inform to Entertain

In panels, people often retreat to safe, factual delivery. The key is to breathe life into your expertise. The authors share Bono’s spontaneous, hilarious impersonation of Bill Clinton at a Clinton Global Initiative panel. His humor and warmth turned an awkward silence into engagement. Similarly, panelists can apply the 80/20 eye contact rule—80% with the audience, 20% with the moderator—and have SHARPs ready, such as stories or relatable anecdotes.

Kickoffs: Move to Inspire

Annual company kickoffs often default to status updates. The Deckers coach product manager Mike to inspire his sales team not with technical explanations but with human impact stories—his data-synthesizing software enabled clean water access and helped surgeons save lives. By reframing from selling licenses to changing lives, Mike moved his audience to pride and motivation.

Town Halls and Crises

In town halls, the goal shifts from updating to motivating. When Motorola Mobility’s Dennis Woodside faced a late product launch, he used a sports analogy: comparing his team’s effort to the Chicago Blackhawks’ Stanley Cup victory. The metaphor unified weary employees around hope and teamwork. Sometimes, however, you must navigate back to Direct—during crisis or urgent action. A hospital analyst named Shankar learned to translate his data into patient-centered urgency, directing his board to “accelerate improvement” and engage with purpose instead of just reviewing numbers.

Lesson

You can apply the Roadmap anywhere. Map your destination—what emotional connection and action you want—then use behaviors, content, and SHARPs to get there. Every meeting is an opportunity to inspire, even under pressure.

In the closing chapter, the Deckers urge readers to think bigger. Don’t settle for becoming a bit better—aim for ten times better. Using JFK’s moon-shot speech and Google X’s 'Captain of Moonshots' Astro Teller, they illustrate how bold communication fuels bold ideas. The ability to inspire isn’t just presentation polish; it’s the engine of innovation and change.

Recognize the Opportunity

Kennedy’s commitment to put a man on the moon wasn’t technical—it was rhetorical. His speeches at Rice University connected emotionally (“Why does Rice play Texas?”), linking America’s national pride to personal ambition. Great communicators frame visions as shared experiences; they speak to us, not me. The Deckers challenge you to find similar moon-shot opportunities in your career or community—to use communication that moves others from obligation to ownership.

Put in the Work

JFK wasn’t born charismatic. He studied Hollywood stars like Clark Gable to learn presence—proof that communication can be learned. The Deckers connect this growth mindset (from psychologist Carol Dweck) with leadership theories like Jim Collins’s 'Level 5 humility.' Through continual feedback and courage to change, anyone can develop influence. They share the story of Ernie Sadau, CEO of CHRISTUS Health, who abandoned scripts to speak freely from the heart. His authenticity sparked transformation across his organization.

Authenticity and Humble Confidence

True communicators aren’t perfect—they’re authentic. Chip Conley’s Emotional Equations—and his real-life vulnerability after his heart stopped—teach that authenticity equals self-awareness times courage. Feedback systems (like the Deckers’ 3x3 Rule: ask three things to keep, three to improve) develop self-awareness. Courage fuels openness. When humility meets confidence—what they call Goldilocks balance—you rise to Mandela-level inspiration: strong yet warm, bold yet humble.

Continuous Growth

Drawing from psychologist Thomas Gordon, the Deckers describe four stages of competence—from unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence. Moving up these stages means practicing every day, in every interaction. Communication isn’t an event; it’s a muscle. As Astro Teller says, “It’s easier to make something 10 times better than 10 percent better.” Becoming a 10X communicator means pairing bravery with creativity—turning everyday conversations into leadership moments.

Final Call

Informing will never change the world. Inspiring will. Whether presenting strategy, mentoring an employee, or comforting a friend, you wield the power to spark action. Step up. Communicate to influence. Communicate to inspire.