5 Gears

Have you ever looked around your life and realized that you are physically present but mentally somewhere else? In 5 Gears: How to Be Present and Productive When There Is Never Enough Time, Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram argue that modern people are driving through life too fast—constantly moving, multitasking, and missing the chance to connect deeply. They contend that true success in leadership and relationships does not come from doing more, but from learning when to shift gears and be fully present with others.

Their metaphor is simple but powerful: our lives function like cars with five gears and a reverse. Each gear represents a mode of being—ranging from focus and task completion to rest and deep connection. By learning how to shift into the right gear at the right time, you can transform your influence, relationships, and inner peace. The authors argue that while many people operate mostly in high-performance modes (4th and 5th gear), they forget the gears that restore balance and build relationships, leaving them burnt out and disconnected.

Why the “Gear” Metaphor Matters

Kubicek and Cockram observed that leaders often live like cars stuck in one gear. If you stay in high-speed gears all the time, the engine overheats; if you never shift to reverse, you can’t back up and repair mistakes. The concept emerged from their work with GiANT Worldwide, where they coach leaders to build healthier organizational cultures. They realized that modern adults—from CEOs to parents—struggle with balance because they lack the emotional and social intelligence needed to adjust to different contexts.

The “5 Gears” provide a framework for this balance:

• 1st Gear: Recharge and rest—turning off the noise to renew personal energy.
• 2nd Gear: Deep connection—intentional time with family or close relationships.
• 3rd Gear: Social mode—casual conversations that build rapport and trust.
• 4th Gear: Task mode—multi-tasking and getting things done.
• 5th Gear: Focus mode—deep work, strategy, or creativity “in the zone.”
• Reverse: Responsiveness—apologizing, backing up, and repairing relationships.

Living in Overdrive—Why Presence Is Lost

In the digital age, people pride themselves on being busy and connected, yet real connection is fading. Kubicek opens the book with a painfully familiar story: a CEO who keeps promising to come home on time but continually postpones dinner for work calls. His wife calls him out—“You’re here, but you’re not really here.” This moment reveals the core premise: being physically present means little if your mind and spirit are elsewhere. As the authors note, busyness often masks emotional disconnection and a lack of self-awareness.

This is not just a personal issue—it affects entire organizational cultures. They call such leadership accidental living—hoping relationships and success will “just happen.” In contrast, intentional living demands awareness, shifting gears deliberately, and investing in people at the right times. By giving your team, spouse, or children your full attention, you create a lasting impact that outlives any task list.

Why Emotional Intelligence Is the New Competitive Advantage

The authors argue that relational intelligence—the ability to be socially aware and emotionally present—has become the most powerful leadership currency. IQ and technical skill still matter, but they no longer differentiate great leaders. What does? The capacity to know yourself, lead yourself, and connect meaningfully with others. In this sense, 5 Gears is both a leadership manual and a relational handbook.

Kubicek and Cockram highlight that connecting well begins with knowing yourself: knowing what gear you naturally operate in, how stress affects your gear choice, and how your personality influences your ability to recharge or focus. (In Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence, similar principles explain that self-awareness precedes relationship management.) Whether you’re an introverted “battery pack” who recharges alone or an extroverted “solar panel” fueled by people, your effectiveness depends on managing these patterns.

What You’ll Learn from the 5 Gears Framework

Throughout the book, each chapter teaches how to master a specific gear and when to use it. You’ll learn how to:

• Enter 5th gear to reach deep focus and creativity—and how to avoid getting stuck there.
• Shift into 4th gear to lead productive teams without sacrificing relationships.
• Use 3rd gear social time to build trust and influence.
• Make intentional space for 2nd gear connection with family and friends.
• Commit to 1st gear rest to recharge your energy and clarity.
• And always, learn to use Reverse—to apologize, take responsibility, and rebuild trust.

The authors illustrate these ideas with vivid stories—from executives learning to unplug to parents reconnecting with their kids—and show how even simple hand signals (holding up fingers for each gear) can shift entire teams toward healthier communication.

Why This Model Works

The genius of the 5 Gears model is its simplicity. You can explain it to a six-year-old or apply it at a board meeting. It gives a shared language for discussing presence—something that words like “balance” or “mindfulness” often make too abstract. By turning emotional and relational dynamics into “driving” language, the authors make transformation tangible. This combination of metaphor, psychology, and practicality makes 5 Gears a powerful tool for anyone who wants to lead with focus and live with connection.

Core Takeaway:

To become fully present, you must learn to shift gears intentionally rather than live in overdrive. Each gear is a mindset—and mastery of the transitions between them is what turns good leaders into great ones.

Ultimately, Kubicek and Cockram argue that awareness is what separates reactive living from intentional leadership. When you learn what gear you’re in—and what gear the people around you need—you can build trust, restore balance, and create a life that feels whole. In a world obsessed with productivity, 5 Gears shows that presence is the ultimate form of power.

One of the most striking ideas in 5 Gears is the inclusion of “Reverse.” Just like a car that must back up to maneuver correctly, leaders and families need to learn the art of moving backwards—admitting mistakes, apologizing sincerely, and making amends. Jeremie Kubicek calls this the difference between responsive and resistant people.

Responsiveness vs. Resistance

Responsive people are self-aware, humble, and responsible. When they offend or err, they say “my bad,” take ownership, and restore trust. Resistant people, by contrast, hide behind pride and fear. They shift blame, deflect criticism, and cling to self-preservation. Kubicek illustrates this difference with vivid examples—from athletes who win respect by admitting mistakes to executives who lose it through defensiveness.

When a basketball player signals “my fault” after missing an important pass, fans and teammates forgive quickly. But the player who blames others loses credibility. The same dynamic plays out in families and organizations. Influence rises when people admit mistakes; it collapses when they refuse to reverse.

The Enemy of Reverse: Self-Preservation and Fear

Self-preservation is the instinct to protect what we fear losing—status, reputation, respect, or control. It builds walls around us and prevents meaningful connection. Kubicek lists common fears that sabotage influence: fear of failure, embarrassment, rejection, or losing control. These anxieties make people defend instead of apologize. Ironically, the more they strive to protect their image, the faster their influence erodes. (In Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability, she similarly shows that openness increases trust while defensiveness breeds isolation.)

Fear is the underlying “killer” of connection. It consumes leaders until they become insecure, sarcastic, or overly guarded. Kubicek tells his own story of merging his company with John Maxwell’s organization and, as a young executive, trying too hard to prove himself. His insecurity led him to dominate meetings rather than listen—a mistake that cost him influence. The cure came through humility and service, not self-promotion.

Secure Confidence and the Power of Apology

The antidote to resistance is secure confidence—a calm assurance in one’s values and abilities. Secure leaders can admit faults because they don’t fear losing status; they know who they are. Kubicek describes mentors who model this security: confident, humble leaders who apprentice students, admit mistakes, and pour “secure confidence” into others. These are people worth following—the kind Andrew Carnegie or Jim Collins would call “Level 5” leaders, driven by humility and purpose.

Apology, then, becomes a leadership skill. The authors teach practical steps: pause, listen, admit, and ask for forgiveness. Whether you’re apologizing to a spouse (“You’re right; will you forgive me?”) or to a child (“I’m sorry for being harsh”), sincerity is key. False humility or manipulative apologies backfire. Real apology transforms relationships, heals culture, and builds trust.

Core Insight:

“Every vehicle needs reverse. Without it, you can’t navigate tight spots. The same goes for leaders: without the ability to apologize, you’re stuck.” – Jeremie Kubicek

Reverse as a Leadership Practice

Kubicek encourages leaders to make a “Reverse List”—relationships that need repair. Just like a car backing up to align properly, you need to revisit old hurts and unfinished conversations. Responsive people recognize patterns of pride, journal lessons learned, and stop making the same mistakes. Over time, they become safe, trustworthy leaders who model humility. Resistant people remain “stuck in drive”—pushing forward but missing human connection.

Reverse teaches that influence and respect don’t come from perfection—they come from responsiveness. When you can say “I’m sorry” sincerely, you unlock the deepest form of leadership: being real. As Kubicek puts it bluntly, “Every vehicle needs to back up. So does every leader.”

If 1st gear is rest and reflection, 5th gear is the opposite end of the spectrum: full focus and immersion. This is your “in the zone” mode—the state where you lose track of time because you’re deeply absorbed in meaningful work. The authors describe it as overdrive, when productivity peaks but distraction disappears. For creatives, strategists, and builders, 5th gear can feel exhilarating. But it’s also dangerous if you get stuck there.

The Beauty of Overdrive

Kubicek and Cockram compare human focus to a car shifting into overdrive. The engine achieves high speed with minimal effort, using energy efficiently. Likewise, in your 5th gear, you operate at high productivity with less stress—your competence and passion align perfectly. Whether you’re a surgeon, engineer, writer, or executive, this gear helps you accomplish major projects and strategic thinking.

Leaders like Jeff, a serial entrepreneur, thrive here. He discovered that while he naturally lives in 5th gear—dreaming and strategizing—his managers are stuck in 4th gear executing tasks. By teaching them the gear framework, he helped them “meet him” in 5th gear for strategic planning once or twice a year. This shared language turned frustration into alignment.

The Price of Staying Too Long

Many people love the productivity of 5th gear but underestimate its cost. Focus mode can isolate you from others, creating tunnel vision and burnout. Kubicek uses humorous real-life stories—a basketball fan missing a “kiss cam” moment because he was glued to his phone—to illustrate how staying in 5th gear too long makes you miss life. Introverts, especially, can get lost in overdrive because it offers safety from social demands, while extroverts may find it claustrophobic.

The key is healthy boundaries. Productivity without connection leads to what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi called “incomplete flow”—work without fulfillment. Leadership requires balancing focus with relational awareness. Kubicek’s story about executives at Ford Motor Company demonstrates this: a manager named Andrew introduced the 5 Gears framework to his team and replaced the frustrating “open door policy” with a smarter approach. When he’s in 5th gear, he simply signals, “Can it wait?” This honesty created mutual respect and improved productivity for everyone.

Training Yourself and Others

The authors show simple methods for communicating your focus mode: posting a “5th gear” sign on your office door, using hand signals, or even teaching your children what the gears mean (“If Dad holds up five fingers, give him space till he shifts”). Ryan Underwood illustrates this with his daughters, ages three and five. They knock on his home office door and whisper, “What gear are you in?” If he flashes five fingers, they blow kisses and tiptoe away. In this playful system, even toddlers learn boundaries—and Dad protects his focus without guilt.

Recovering from Overwork

The book warns about leaders like “Tom,” who stay in 5th gear so long they lose touch with their kids and friends. The solution? Schedule intentional 1st and 2nd gear time. Plan recovery periods. Let people hold you accountable for shifting down. Kubicek advises readers to map their “5th gear zones” on their calendar—choosing specific times for deep focus, then equally scheduling time to recharge and connect. By mastering transitions, work becomes sustainable rather than consuming.

Key Lesson:

If you want to be productive and respected, focus intentionally—but don’t let focus become isolation. People follow leaders who know how to shift gears, not ones stuck in overdrive.

5th gear, used wisely, transforms work from reactive busyness to purposeful concentration. Used unwisely, it cuts you off from the very people who make your success meaningful. The great leader doesn’t just drive fast—they know when to shift.

Kubicek and Cockram identify 4th gear as the task-driven mode—the gear most people live in. In fact, 85 percent of the leaders they surveyed said they spend most of their time here, consumed by to-do lists, meetings, and emails. This is the world’s default gear: multitasking and reacting. Used well, it produces results. Used poorly, it creates exhaustion.

When Productivity Becomes a Trap

The authors compare waking up and checking your email immediately to starting your car in 4th gear—it jars the engine. Instead of warming up your day with recharge or reflection, you surrender your priorities to other people’s demands. Over time, this reactive pattern trains your brain to crave activity instead of accomplishment. Sleep suffers, relationships strain, and peace disappears.

Through stories of corporate leaders, the book shows the human cost of living in 4th gear. Shelley, a high-performing administrator, believed she was always in focus mode—but realized she lived in constant 4th gear interruptions. By setting boundaries—scheduled 5th gear blocks and fixed quitting times—she doubled productivity and repaired her marriage. It’s a reminder that discipline comes not from speed, but from rhythm.

The Double Life of Work and Home

Kubicek cleverly illustrates that most adults have two versions of 4th gear: work tasks and home tasks. People leave the office only to switch their corporate to-do lists for domestic ones. Elizabeth Paul, a marketing executive, confessed that she thought putting away her devices in the evening meant rest—but realized she had merely shifted into “domestic 4th gear,” cooking, cleaning, and organizing. She had almost no 1st or 3rd gear time—no rest, no spontaneous connection. Awareness was her first step toward recovery.

Leading Teams in a Task World

In organizations, unchecked 4th gear dominates culture. Leaders measure hours, not health. When everyone runs in 4th gear, drama escalates and burnout becomes routine. Mark Herringshaw, a GiANT partner, found that by adding scheduled periods of 5th gear focus within a manufacturer’s workflow, productivity soared. Engineers who locked themselves away for two hours of uninterrupted focus became calmer, happier, and more effective.

Why Balance Makes 4th Gear Stronger

4th gear is necessary—it’s the gear of achievement. But it must be balanced by recharge, social connection, and deep relationships. Kubicek’s client stories prove that teams perform better when leaders deliberately insert lower gears. One executive even redefined success by prioritizing father-daughter conversations over task completion; her father’s illness reminded her that meaningful connection mattered more than efficiency.

“You can’t start your life in 4th gear and expect peace. Energy comes from rhythm, not acceleration.” – Jeremie Kubicek

The takeaway: Master the multitasking gear—but learn to shift deliberately. Productivity is vital, but without 1st and 2nd gear restoration, it loses meaning. In the end, 4th gear is your workhorse, but not your identity.

When was the last time you were fully present with someone—no devices, no distractions, just connection? According to Kubicek and Cockram, this is 2nd gear: deep relational time with people who restore joy. It’s the gear that builds families, friendships, and trust. Sadly, in a world of constant tasks, many people forget how to shift here.

What 2nd Gear Looks Like

2nd gear is when you’re giving undivided attention—dinner with family, one-on-one coffee, or heartfelt conversation. Leaders describe it as the moment “without agenda.” In the book, families share stories of learning to communicate with simple hand signals—holding up two fingers at dinner as a reminder to put down phones. One associate, Debbie Correa, noticed her whole household was addicted to technology; by naming “2nd gear,” they built shared language and reconnected.

Similarly, HR executive Heather Ladwig realized she had been living entirely in 4th and 5th gear—task and focus—ignoring her husband and children. By cutting off work emails after 5 PM and getting her family’s “permission” when occasional evening tasks were necessary, she rediscovered peace and communication. 2nd gear not only repairs relationships; it fuels emotional energy for everything else.

Why Connection Feels Hard

The authors say adults have forgotten how to slow down. Phones, deadlines, and habits keep them shallow. Real connection requires risk and intention—listening more than talking and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. They offer practical steps: schedule 2nd gear time, listen actively, don’t force conversation, give yourself away, and remove habits (like TV or games) that distract from intimacy.

Connection as Leadership

At work, 2nd gear leadership turns teams into families. When leaders care personally, influence rises. A father named Tom Nebel exemplifies this with his adult son: they agreed to turn off their phones during movie nights—a shared promise to stay in 2nd gear. What followed was emotional healing and mutual respect. Similarly, entrepreneur Kevin Deshazo transformed his relationship with his son Gabe by treating car rides to school as sacred 2nd gear moments. Two five-minute talks each day changed their bond entirely.

“Being present is the real world. Everything else is just noise.” – Tom Nebel

A Cultural Challenge

2nd gear is countercultural—especially in the United States’ productivity-driven world, where “working late” is a badge of honor. Kubicek contrasts this with British culture, which naturally values social connection and long dinners. The takeaway is simple: genuine presence takes practice but offers enormous dividends. When you connect, everyone wins—at home, at work, and in community.

2nd gear might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s life-giving. It revives families, deepens friendships, and transforms leadership from mechanical to human. Practice being present—the engine of meaningful living runs on it.

If you constantly feel drained, the problem might not be your schedule—it’s your lack of deliberate rest. In 5 Gears, 1st gear represents recharge: the intentional recovery that restores your mind and emotions. This isn’t “crashing” after exhaustion, but proactive rest—planned pauses that rebuild energy for real connection.

Battery Pack vs. Solar Panel

The authors explain that introverts and extroverts recharge differently. Introverts are like battery packs—they plug in alone to refill energy. Extroverts are like solar panels—they need light from people, ideas, and experiences. Knowing your personality determines your recharge pattern. Kubicek himself—a social “solar panel”—finds rest in reflection, friendship, and shared meals, while his wife recovers through solitude and reading. Both are valid but require intentional scheduling.

Rest as a Secret Weapon

One mentor taught Kubicek that rest is not indulgence—it’s strategic. By planning rest days like meetings (one per week, one per month, one per quarter), he renewed focus and became more creative. “When I work from rest,” Kubicek writes, “I lead from strength.” Rest sharpens the axe. It’s the unseen leverage of sustainable success—similar to ideas in Cal Newport’s Deep Work, which argues that recharge makes focus possible.

Crashing Is Not Recharging

Many think binging Netflix is rest. Kubicek disagrees—crashing is just stalling out. Real rest restores clarity and joy. When you truly recharge, your senses sharpen, you notice beauty, and you reconnect emotionally. Those who crash instead of rest drift toward burnout. Similarly, nurturer Amy Norton found that skipping rest damaged her effectiveness as caretaker and executive. Scheduling exercise, reading, and alone time helped her serve others better. Rest is generosity to yourself and those you influence.

Creating Rhythms of Renewal

Kubicek advises leaders to “book rest first.” Put recharge blocks in your calendar before tasks fill every slot. Parents can model rest for families by turning Sunday into a “recharge day.” One reader, Nataliya from Ukraine, reflected that she had been taught rest meant changing activities—clean instead of working—but realized that true rest is “enjoying people without agenda.” This shift brought peace to her marriage.

“Work from your rest, not rest from your work.” – Jeremie Kubicek

Rest is not optional—it’s leadership oxygen. When you stop long enough to recharge, you give your best energy to others. Without 1st gear, the whole system burns out. With it, life feels human again.

3rd gear represents the social middle ground—those casual, everyday moments of connection between work and intimacy. It’s where influence grows through conversation. Whether it’s a company dinner, coffee chat, or golf game, these spaces build trust without pressure.

Why Business Happens Here

In 3rd gear, relationships mature beyond transactions. Deals are born on golf courses, shared laughter, and casual lunches. Kubicek describes meeting a stiff executive who relaxed only after losing 28 golf balls—a shared vulnerability that sparked lasting partnership. This gear proves that influence is relational, not positional.

Being social is not small talk—it’s connective intelligence. Ask genuine questions (“Where’s your hometown?” “What inspires you outside of work?”). Curiosity transforms interactions into engagement. As Kubicek says, “Be interested before you try to be interesting.”

Ideas vs. People

The book insightfully contrasts conversational styles: some people (urban or visionary types) love talking about ideas; others (often in smaller communities) focus on people and stories. Great connectors learn to shift based on audience. Respect comes from listening even when the topic feels mundane. As PR leader Renzi Stone notes, “Our pride makes us tune out boring talk—but real presence means honoring what matters to others.”

Avoiding Extremes

Avoidance of 3rd gear—by arrogance or insecurity—creates isolation. But overuse leads to superficiality, constant parties, and procrastination. Healthy 3rd gear balances engagement with depth. Kubicek encourages practicing 2nd gear conversations (personal, real) amid 3rd gear settings to deepen rapport. One associate even created hand signals—a raised three fingers—to switch gears during social events and avoid talking shop.

“Social time builds influence—but connection builds legacy.”

3rd gear teaches that leadership influence begins not in meetings, but in meals and moments. When you honor others with your attention, you don’t just network—you build trust.

In the final chapters, Kubicek and Cockram urge readers to live intentionally rather than accidentally. Most people, they argue, coast through life hoping things will work out—hoping kids grow up right or employees perform well. But intention transforms hope into action.

The Five Circles of Influence

The book defines five connected spheres where your gear habits matter: Self, Family, Team, Organization, and Community. Leaders must be consistent across all circles—living in one gear at work and another at home creates confusion. When your self-awareness improves, you learn to serve each circle intentionally instead of reacting. This consistency builds trust and credibility that ripple outward.

Intentional vs. Accidental Leadership

Intentional leadership is investment; accidental leadership is neglect. Kubicek compares it to farming: the land rewards consistent care, not occasional attention. His father’s disciplined planning on the farm mirrors how leaders must nurture teams and families—deliberate strategies yield healthy “crops.”

Stories like Dr. Scott Koss, who created a “family rest day” using 5 Gears principles, show intentional living in action. By scheduling time to downshift before returning home, Koss became better both as a surgeon and as a father. When people plan connection rather than stumble into it, relationships thrive.

Challenging Yourself and Others

The authors close with practical tools like the “Core Process”: Call It, Own It, Respond, Execute. Identify what’s broken, accept responsibility, plan the fix, and act. Leaders who practice this model teach teams emotional intelligence by example. Clients like Tim Curry and Kay Lewington demonstrated this through journaling and coaching others to implement gear habits that improved both work and home life.

Intentional living is about alignment—knowing when to shift gears to serve each circle of influence. It creates a rhythm of work, relationship, and rest that replaces chaos with clarity. As the authors conclude, “You cannot give what you do not possess.” To lead well, you must first live well—and living well begins when you learn to shift deliberately.